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Solstice

Anti-Vampire Party Planning – The Monstrometer Report

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VAMPIRE PROOF YOUR PARTY BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE!

Whether you’re planning to attend a Halloween party later tonight, or planning one yourself, take a minute – actually 1.5 minutes – to watch this before you unlock the door to an unwanted guest of the undead kind! Your survival is guaranteed 99.93%*

*Some restrictions apply. Please read fine print below.

Thanks for keeping on keeping on. More Monstrometer Reports to come…

*Offer not valid for employees, family and friends of Seth on Survival. Void on Friday the 13th, Halloween, St. Patrick’s Day, Black Noodle Day, Cinco de Mayo, Valentines Day, New Years Day, Groundhog Day, Buddhist Festival of the Tooth, Christmas, April Fools Day, Solstice, Equinox, Thanksgiving, Sinter Klaas Day, Ninja Day, Talk Like A Pirate Day, Chanukah…

Fourth of July Brings the Dog Days

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Survivors please take a moment to remember, the Fourth of July is not just about fireworks and fried chicken to celebrate the Declaration of American Independence and the start of summer vacay. As founding fathers of the USA John Adams and Thomas Jefferson knew very well when they chose this day, July 4 marks another very ancient and powerful occasion – the first day of the most dreaded days of the year, the dies caniculares, the days of the dog, the so-called, “Dog Days.”

Otherwise known as the Dog Star
Otherwise known as the Dog Star, Sirius rises with the sun

For roughly 40 days starting around July 4, Sirius, the so-called dog star, will rise in conjunction with our sun and exert its dogged influence over all of canine kind here on earth. From Rex your friendly canis lupis familiaris to your favorite fluffy muffin-loving, gut-rending genus lycaon aka: werewolf, all feel the pull of their star as the Dog Days begin.

While more experienced werewolves may try to sleep through the heat, new werewolves will often experience their first transformations during the Dog Days. In fact, more new werewolves will experience transformation in the next forty days than in the rest of the entire year. That’s counting both genetic expressions and unwanted werewolf-to-werewolf transmissions combined. Most won’t understand what is happening to them. These noobwolves will be very confused and angry, a mere whiff away from full moon fever at all times from now until the Dog Days end in mid-August.

Let me be clear, I’m NOT saying the founding fathers were werewolves. Just John Adams and Thomas Jefferson. Why else would they actually die on July 4? They felt and understood the power of the dog star rising more than anyone and pushed the signing of the Declaration of Independence to coincide with it in preparation for battle.

Thomas Jefferson

In fact during the height of the Dog Days of 1824 Thomas Jefferson himself, fighting the urge to transform, famously said, “We have the wolf by the ear and feel the danger of either holding or letting him loose.”

Some years later Jefferson learned to love his inner lycanthrope and began urging everyone in government to do the same, saying, “You and I, and Congress and Assemblies, Judges and Governors, shall ALL become wolves. It seems to be the law of our general nature.”

And as for John Adams? One of his many descendants of the same name plays drums in a band called Flock of Werewolves. Coincidence? I think not.

Be prepared. Treat everyday from now until August as a full moon alert and pay extra attention on July 15th when the full moon and the dog days coincide. Be a little careful playing fetch with Fido, stay cool and cut your lycanthrope and alleged lycanthrope friends a wide berth even if you’re a were-creature yourself. Especially if you’re a lycanthrope yourself. Then everybody can still be a-lican each other in the morning.

The Yule Cat Cometh!

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Between dangerous holiday shopping and zombie mall Santas it’s easy to forget the real threat lurking between you and all that Christmas turkey. Call it Winter Solstice or Alban Arthuan or Yule or just December 21 in the northern hemisphere, the darkest day of the year has come again and the stakes are historically high. Restless spirits must be calmed and the light must be cajoled back into the world with the correct use of fire and festive festoonery. Or we will be doomed by tradition to an entire year of utter darkness.

Icelandic Yule Cat Sees Old Sweaters Everywhere
Icelandic Yule Cat eats you if you wear an old sweater today.

Ordinarily I take this day to plead with survivors for a return to traditional Christmas decorations, ie: substantial, meaty and edible.  (Trim those trees with bacon if you know what’s good for you.) But more about that later. This year our longer days and the promise of summer is far from certain, threatened by other world events and reports from around the world.

Starting with Iceland. That crusty old Yule Cat is said to be particularly angry this year by a general dirth of new sweaters. Recall that Jólakötturinn, the Icelandic Yule Cat, attacks those who fail to don a brand new wool sweater today for yule, dragging them into darkness for crimes of fashion. Ordinarily Icelanders respond appropriately by knitting or at least buying, a brand new sweater to mark the date.

But owing to global circumstances this year, including the aggressive off-season activities of leprechauns, record numbers of people on earth will not be able to wear a new sweater on December 21. This does not bode well for our solstice survival!

Add to this, disturbing reports about the yule log. Authentic oak yule logs are being replaced in record numbers of homes this year by a flood of fake yule log videos on YouTube. The result of this massive digital experimentation has yet to be determined. Recall, an authentic yule log must be lit by a spark from last year’s log. How will this work with a video? Do you make a video of your old video?

Predictions from witches on this site are still coming in read about them here. So far she who goes by the name Bebe, predicts the artificial yule fires will be perfectly acceptable only as long as they are lit from a spark off the old log.

Are digital Yule Logs Safe? Effective?
Record numbers of digital yule logs this solstice

Meanwhile what’s a concerned survivor to do? Start by taking a page from the Oldentimers, who realized the value of effective festoonery. Those decorations are not just  festive, they are a traditional trap for dangerous spirits. You use it to lure the spirits of darkness indoors with a happy green tree decked with substantial edibles. This is very important. Traditional decorations included nuts, apples, muffins and long strips of bacon draped over the branches. In short, everything a spirit needs to stay warm and happy and out of trouble! Compare that to the Christmas trees of today. How many spirits will starve in those boughs, hung with glittering plastic balls and synthetic garlands? Do we really need to be reminded that any spirit with the MUNCHIES is a NASTY one? Take my word for it. Pop some damn corn, slap it on a string and get it up there *STAT!* You family is depending on you. Better yet, break out some bacon and drape it over the branches. That will keep them busy longer. Where do you think tinsel comes from anyway?

Xmas Bacon Baconsil

Darksides (plural) of the Moon!

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Hail Survivors,

I just got up. I was up very, very late monitoring the eclipse, the solstice and the effect that the conjunction of these two very important events was having on the space time continuum in general and the supernatural world specifically. I’m happy to report that most of us appear to have survived.

(Although there have been some disturbing reports of a “werepyre” phenomenon related to the eclipse here http://sethonsurvival.com/?p=605&cpage=30#comment-17154.)

(And even more disturbing, a dire shortage of sandwiches here: http://sethonsurvival.com/?p=605&cpage=30#comment-17168)

But at any rate, I hope that you all got a chance to watch the solstice lunar eclipse but in case you didn’t see it – or if like me your photos didn’t do it justice – the here is a good time lapse video of it. If you DID miss it it is only another 84 years until the next one in 2094, providing the world survives 2012 that is. Now 84 years is a long time to human but I suspect that there are a few vamps here that watched this one that saw the last one 1638.

Anyways enough blabbing, here’s the video.

Keep on keeping on.

Seth

DARKEST DARK NIGHT DECORATING TIPS

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Between dangerous Xmas shopping and zombie mall Santas it’s easy to forget the real danger lurking between you and all that Christmas turkey. We’re talking about the Winter Solstice. This year the longest, darkest night of the year  – for half of the world – will be 8.5 percent longer and darker due to the convergence of a full lunar eclipse. (Note to any Southern Hemispherians at this point – Please read this article upside-down.)

Whether you call it Winter Solstice or  “Alban Arthuan” or “Yule” December 21 in the northern hemisphere is always pretty dark, both literally and figuratively. Normally a full 18 hours of dark, scary thoughts like, what do I get her for Christmas? What did I get her last year? And where’s that crazy Icelandic Yule Cat and why does he always attack me ? Add to it this year an extra 1.5 hours of terrifying awareness like, Why is the moon turning red? Is it bleeding?

The answer is yes. No. Maybe. This solstice December 21 brings with it a full lunar eclipse. The first solstice lunar eclipse since 1554, according to NASA. Beginning around 1:30 am EST which is around 5:30 Universal Time, the shadow of the earth will swallow the full moon for some 72 minutes of celestial mayhem. I don’t want to alarm anyone but the last time this happened it wasn’t good! Remember 1554? Me either. NOBODY DOES! Sounds like a total blackout to me.  A dreaded Year of Darkness.

So how can we prevent this happening again? Well Oldentimers knew what to do in this situation. Those decorations are not just about annoying your neighbors. They have roots in survival – and preventing another year of darkness. Start by decorating your holiday tree appropriately. A traditional tree is not just a convenient gift stand, it’s a trap for dangerous spirits. You use it to lure the spirits of darkness indoors with a happy green tree decked with edible. This is very important. Traditional decorations included nuts, apples, muffins and long strips of bacon draped over the branches. In short, everything a spirit needs to stay warm and happy and out of trouble! Compare that to the Christmas trees of today. How many spirits will starve in those boughs, hung with glittering plastic balls and synthetic garlands? Do we really need to be reminded that any spirit with the MUNCHIES is a NASTY one? Take my word for it. Pop some damn corn, slap it on a string and get it up there *STAT!* You family is depending on you. Better yet, break out some bacon and drape it over the branches. That will keep them busy longer. Where do you think tinsil comes from anyway?

Xmas Bacon
Xmas Baconsil!

After you’ve fed the spirits, it’s time to pitch in on the annual Luring of the Light. Unless you really WANT to live in darkness for 12 more months? If not, then get out there and cajole the sun like your ancestors did. Remember, electric lights don’t count. Dust off that Yule log and haul it in and if you haven’t kept one from last year? First of all SHAME ON YOU!  With the annual fate of the whole world at stake all you had to do was save a piece of log. Was that really so hard? Now what? Maybe light a candle, preferably two.  There’s no hard data on how much light our star requires to make its encore, so every flame counts.

Take this advice and all should go smoothly again this Solstice. Spirits stay happy, the sun will return and we finish Christmas shopping on December 24 like the triumphant seasonal survivors that we have always historically been.