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You are here: Home / Archives for Muffins

Muffins

Fourth of July Brings the Dog Days

June 27, 2013 By Seth 30 Comments

Survivors please take a moment to remember, the Fourth of July is not just about fireworks and fried chicken to celebrate the Declaration of American Independence and the start of summer vacay. As founding fathers of the USA John Adams and Thomas Jefferson knew very well when they chose this day, July 4 marks another very ancient and powerful occasion – the first day of the most dreaded days of the year, the dies caniculares, the days of the dog, the so-called, “Dog Days.”

Otherwise known as the Dog Star
Otherwise known as the Dog Star, Sirius rises with the sun

For roughly 40 days starting around July 4, Sirius, the so-called dog star, will rise in conjunction with our sun and exert its dogged influence over all of canine kind here on earth. From Rex your friendly canis lupis familiaris to your favorite fluffy muffin-loving, gut-rending genus lycaon aka: werewolf, all feel the pull of their star as the Dog Days begin.

While more experienced werewolves may try to sleep through the heat, new werewolves will often experience their first transformations during the Dog Days. In fact, more new werewolves will experience transformation in the next forty days than in the rest of the entire year. That’s counting both genetic expressions and unwanted werewolf-to-werewolf transmissions combined. Most won’t understand what is happening to them. These noobwolves will be very confused and angry, a mere whiff away from full moon fever at all times from now until the Dog Days end in mid-August.

Let me be clear, I’m NOT saying the founding fathers were werewolves. Just John Adams and Thomas Jefferson. Why else would they actually die on July 4? They felt and understood the power of the dog star rising more than anyone and pushed the signing of the Declaration of Independence to coincide with it in preparation for battle.

Thomas Jefferson

In fact during the height of the Dog Days of 1824 Thomas Jefferson himself, fighting the urge to transform, famously said, “We have the wolf by the ear and feel the danger of either holding or letting him loose.”

Some years later Jefferson learned to love his inner lycanthrope and began urging everyone in government to do the same, saying, “You and I, and Congress and Assemblies, Judges and Governors, shall ALL become wolves. It seems to be the law of our general nature.”

And as for John Adams? One of his many descendants of the same name plays drums in a band called Flock of Werewolves. Coincidence? I think not.

Be prepared. Treat everyday from now until August as a full moon alert and pay extra attention on July 15th when the full moon and the dog days coincide. Be a little careful playing fetch with Fido, stay cool and cut your lycanthrope and alleged lycanthrope friends a wide berth even if you’re a were-creature yourself. Especially if you’re a lycanthrope yourself. Then everybody can still be a-lican each other in the morning.

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Filed Under: Survival News Tagged With: Dog Days, Full Moon, Independence Day, John Adams, July 4th, Muffins, Solstice, Summer, Thomas Jefferson, Werewolves

Fluffy Jumbo Apple Werewolf Pacifier Muffins

November 20, 2009 By Seth 88 Comments

Strategically place to absorb werewolf rage & permit your escape.
Strategically place to absorb werewolf rage & permit your escape.

“A large fluffy muffin with a sweet, buttery topping that will soothe even the angriest werewolf attacking you or your friends. Carry one on you whenever you walk in the woods.”

Cook Time:
30 Min

Ready In:
45 Min

Servings:

Enough to satisfy a hungry pack of werewolves.

Ingredients

  • 1/2 cup butter
  • 1 1/4 cups white sugar
  • 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
  • 1/2 teaspoon salt
  • 2 eggs
  • 1 3/4 cups all-purpose flour
  • 2 teaspoons baking powder
  • 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
  • 1/2 cup milk
  • 2 cups peeled, cored and sliced apples
  • 1/4 cup white sugar
  • 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
  • 3 tablespoons all-purpose flour
  • 2 tablespoons butter, cubed

Directions

  1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees F (190 degrees C). Coat top and insides of jumbo muffin pan with cooking spray, or line with muffin papers.
  2. In a large bowl, cream together 1/2 cup butter, 1 1/4 cups sugar, vanilla, and salt until light and fluffy. Beat in eggs, one at time. Mix together the 1 3/4 cups of flour, baking powder, and 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon. Stir in the flour mixture alternately with the milk, mixing just until incorporated. Fold in apples. Scoop into muffin cups to fill 3/4 full. Lightly sprinkle the tops with cinnamon crumble.
  3. To make Cinnamon Crumble: In a small bowl, combine 1/4 cup white sugar, 1/2 teaspoon of cinnamon, 3 tablespoons all-purpose flour, and 2 tablespoons cubed butter. Mix together using a pastry blender, or two butter knives. The crumble topping should resemble small peas.
  4. Bake in preheated oven for 30 minutes, or until tops are golden brown, and a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean. If they are browning too quickly, cover with tin foil. Remove from pans, and cool on wire rack.
  5. Serve them up on the run or piping hot on the kitchen table.

Remember at the heart of every werewolf is just another really hot shirtless guy who just needs a nice muffin.

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Filed Under: Survival Resources Tagged With: Muffins, New Moon, Twilight Saga, Werewolves

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