Magic fruit trees bearing up to 40 kinds of fruit at one time in the United States this week are revealed to be the work of a known time traveller, who travels back to ancient Egypt for his source, seemingly with no regard for either the temporal or supernatural ramifications of his actions.
When 16 fruit trees which just look like ordinary trees bloomed with up to 40 different fruits, across the USA last week, the world smelled magic – until the true sorcery was revealed.
SOS can reveal that notorious time traveller Sam Van Aken has finally confessed this week the true source of his sorcery was not magic at all, but ancient Egypt.
“They appeared on hieroglyphs,” Sam finally admitted to a reporter on NPR before revealing these photos of his secret time machine.
Sam, previously known to me as the only time traveler to hide his operations in this metal horse trailer, claims he was guided by hieroglyphs to bring these ancient magical multi-fruit trees forward, and place them in high-profile locations across the country.
While delighted tree tourists around the world may enjoy the fruit of his labor this week, his flagrant violation of time smuggling laws has left temporal law enforcement in a tizzy.
“I’m pretty sure the guy didn’t declare that in his luggage,” stated one time border official.”What part of no plants, food, drugs or mystical artifacts law did he not understand?”
While Sam defends his practice by insisting he doesn’t take the entire tree, just cuttings, Egyptologists are not so sure.
“If these trees appeared in hieroglyphics, the question you have to ask is why? Was it a warning to us in the future about the disappearance of these magical trees?”
Meanwhile, Supernatural Survivologists like ahem, me for instance, want to warn the world about the potential danger posed by these fruit trees.
“Putting aside the documented inflammatory effects of eating magical fruit, ancient Egyptian arboreal artifacts are chiefly a source of dangerous demigod magic,” stated Seth Greening, still the fifth most popular popular and first most reliable Supernatural Survivologist on the Internet.