Once a year on this day, beings known to some only as the treefolk descend from their treetop homes to mingle with other Eathlings in our common pursuit of a cleaner planet, or at least a tidier parking lot.
You, like me, may have brushed elbows with one on a roadside cleanup crew today and not even realized it. And if so, you may have missed a golden-green opportunity to follow one home to a secret forest lair where he – or she – would be forced to grant you one wish in exchange for your silence.
Or that’s the word in the wind. I can’t vouch for the veracity of this rumour — yet. But the days’ not over. And now I know how to spot one. I’ll share the secret with you here now. Just remember me when you make your wish.
How To Spot Treefolk
Now I know we could debate the differences between witches and druids, werewolves and fairies, but the clock is ticking if you intend to find their lair before midnight. So let’s put that aside and focus on some things all of these tree folk have in common, whatever manner of being they may be:
1. They have a cool stick.
I had a hockey stick with a nail in the end of it for picking up garbage. She had a cool carvey one with shiny stones in it. That should have been my first clue, but at first I just thought she played ringette.
3. Mystifying eating habits
When I offered to share my donut with her, she said I had blood on my hands.
That should have been my second clue.
No it’s maple, I told her. And I’m pretty sure that it’s vegan.
She just shook her head and walked away.
2. They are on first-name basis with trees
I call it a tree. A scientist calls it Sequoiadendron giganteum. But the treefolk call them by their first names, like Aaron or Luna. I thought she was talking about her friend at first. And I guess she was, but I didn’t know that her friend was actually tree until I offered to give her a lift when we finished.
4. They won’t tell you where they live.
It felt weird. She couldn’t tell me her address. I thought maybe she didn’t remember or something because she didn’t eat lunch. But when she told me to pull over on the side of the road on the edge of town, I thought either we were going to make out or she was going to kill me. The good news, well, I’m still alive. The bad news ? She just said see you next year and got out. And that’s when I knew for sure I had just spent Earth Day with one of the tree folk.