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3 Siberian Portals Makes Dragon Breath Believers

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Three is the magic number when it comes to dieties, wishes and now mysterious portals in the ice as two more portals are revealed this week in Siberia. Does this pattern validate the controversial “Dragon Breath” theory?

Craters caused by Dragons Breath?
Craters caused by Dragons Breath?

The new portals, discovered by reindeer herders who almost fell into them, have locals and scientists alike more mystified than ever.

“It is not like this is the work of men, but also doesn’t look like a natural formation,” reported the Siberian Times.

At this point no cause is being ruled out and the theories still circulating include meteorites, stray missiles, aliens and underground gas explosions.

Whatever their origin, supernatural survivologists continue to warn about imminent THING DANGER that would result from the Things known to emerge from these frozen portals in the presence of the researchers who travel to study them.

But a new theory today points to the pattern among the three perfectly formed portals to identify an even more unusual cause – Dragons Breath.

The controversial Dragons Breath theory breaking here on the website dailykos, is put forward by a scientist named Dr. Box who describes the craters as Dragons Breath spikes.

Speaking with eyewitnesses and Dragons Breath survivors, Dr. Box says these craters appeared with a flash of light and a plume of smoke indicating Dragons Breath.

If so, these craters could be the work of a very powerful dragon waking up after a very long sleep and therianthropic Things may be the least of our worries.

How do you defend against Dragons Breath? Keep on keeping on for that.

Meet Zyboragon: Survivor of the Month

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I happen to be formed by my own metal!

-Zyboragon 

Survivor of the Month

Other Great Zyboragon Quotes:

Fate makes us fail at things to get better. 

Screw the prophecies, I should be the one who makes my own destiny 

Well what can really be said of Zyboragon?

Ah, LOTS! So much it’s hard to know where to begin. First, Zyboragon is remarkably cheerful for an angelic cyborg metal ghost dragon who arrived here following the destruction of his home, village and family. Oh sure sometimes he might have an epic battle with another survivor, say Mr. Mutt or The Doctor or Alex but he’ll also be the first to grant you a wish if you need one.

(Remember how he wish-returned Mr. Mutt’s six-shooter and even polished it?)

(Speaking of that, hey! I just noticed that I still have a wish left!)

And sure Zyboragon has some unconventional solutions to life’s little supernatural problems. But mostly that’s Stigma’s problem. Afterall Stigma is the only survivor on the site who Zyboragon has promised to a) freeze b) perform experimental chimera-ectomy surgery c) cure with controversial herbs and spells.

Z. always means well. He’s a loyal zombie rights advocate, very in touch with his inner zombie. And a founding member of Concerned About Cannibals. He’s very concerned about them. As a human myself I appreciate that.

He’s also the resident expert on Void Chipmunks here on the site (they hate salami) and he survived the great Burrito Storm of 2011. (What caused that again????) You can always count on Zyboragon.

Did I say always? Well maybe not always. Like everyone, Zyboragon has his enemies. And his frenemies. I’m talking about Abstract the Devourer and ARC and Ravenclaw for instance. Oh and don’t forget Samuel the Leprechaun who gets annoyed by the fact Zyboragon can eavesdrop on leprechaun communications when he flies near their towers.

It all started with Abstract, who seemed to resent the fact that Z. had a wormhole key that enabled him to teleport and he was using it help people on the site. Abstract needed that key to complete a set of four that would unleash the void on the world during the time of solstice, when a rip in the fabric between the worlds was already open. 

Also, it turned out that he had a clone, named ARC who liked to talk in third person and turned against him, trying to trap him in the void forever.

All of which caused what Zyboragon aptly refers to as an EOWC or End of World Crisis that he teamed up with others on the site, including Mr. Mutt and Stigma and the Doctor to successfully avert. During their battle ARC was killed.

(A good, quick summary of this is here)

Unfortunately, something else happened in that battle and Mr. Mutt turned against Zyboragon. I’m still trying to understand that part. It has something to do with a Voidsphere that temporarily controlled Mr. Mutt. Or maybe it’s also just one of those things that happens with friends who have epic times together. Sometimes friendship gets complicated and you get locked in a battle that results in one of you being sucked into another dimension. Hey it happens to all of us at some point. Just ask Graham.

So Zyboragon was MIA for a while. Which is normal for Survivors. We all come and go, checking in when we can with Proof of Life and an exciting update or just to check in, but for Zyboragon it was going to be very long time indeed. We actually don’t know how much time passed in that other dimension, but it was long enough site time, that Zyboragon’s old enemy ARC started to miss him and actually began to plot his rescue. (It turned out that ARC had been revived, but that’s another story, involving another dragon.)

We all wished Zyboragon would come back soon because ARC was getting pretty pushy on the site, threatening people with his lazer and claiming that only Zyboragon could kill him even while he blamed all of his problems on an evil corporation. But unfortunately ARC’s first attempt was a Fail.

But finally something worked and Zyboragon came back to kick ARC’s a$$.

Zyboragon explained that he could have come back sooner but he was actually on a mission in the void, looking for somebody else The Modern Age Vengeance Bringer. He said that in Void Time he had actually just lived hundreds of years  And for the next while, it seemed like Z. went in and out of the void. (Not because he liked the chipmunks! )

(At one point he got hit by a comet and I’m afraid that may have really affected him because he started rambling about cloning Aflak ducks to create an army of undead life-insurance duck, just for the irony of it…)

Back on the site, Zyboragon helped Bebe try to recover her sister Vee from the vampire hospital where she was taken for transformation by her BF Damien. And when it couldn’t be done, he plotted with Mr. Mutt and others to locate the Pool of Eternals and help kill The Original.

Just when things seemed to be going well again, there was an un-existence bomb that went off and started to erase not just him but the memory of him in the minds of everyone on the site. Before long, Zyboragon was experiencing an non-existential crisis so deep that the only thing anyone could remember about him was his arm. That metal arm. With no thumbs…. Not even two arms. Just one arm.

Luckily Zyboragon was saved by a Time Gap that restored him but when he returned to the site, he was 300 years older now.

What followed was a sad event, I’d rather not write it but I guess I have to. Zyboragon tried to settle down and raise a family but his only dragon eggs were destroyed, taking the dream of his future son away. That’s all I’m going to say about that.

He’s more serious now and a bit quieter but he’s still keeping on. You can hear his a pre-recorded message here  if you want to know what’s been happening with lately.  He also posted a helpful warning recently about some dopplegangbangers on the site, which I really appreciated. ~~~shapeshifters!~~~

And that about brings us about up to date about Zyboragon, a great contributer and Survivor of the Month. If you watch these pages you might be lucky enough to catch him on. And if you’re nice to him and you need one, he might be persuaded to grant you a wish. If he can. If he has any left. He might get them from the Leprechauns so maybe he can get more this month, I don’t know. Did I mention how he uses cell towers to track them down?

Just don’t get him started on Void Chipmunks! Or buy him a hat.

Hail Survivors,

Please let me know if you see any errors in this story or something you want to add. Just let me know in the comments section. 

Keep on keeping on for Mr. Mutt’s profile tomorrow and more to come on the next full moon. 

Thanks and goodnight!

Seth

Black Dragons Rising

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Black Dragons rise to claim their year
Black Dragons rule in 2012 Year of the Water Dragon

Well it’s official. The Year of the Dragon begins today and Black Dragons around the world are waking up and slinking from their secret caves to claim the year.

How will you prepare for twelve months of high Draconian drama?

Recall dragon kind or so-called “Draconians” are born roughly every twelve years and every batch gets their own special element and color. 2012 being the year of the water dragon, whose team color is black, Black Dragons everywhere are rising to the occasion and the rumbling is being felt around the world.

This is not necessarily a bad thing. Dragons in general can be great leaders when they use their powers of fluency, fire and flight for the good of the others. Which they often do, especially when they are young.

But sometimes as the years wear on and the transformation toll begins to add up, older dragons can become disgruntled Draconians, obsessed only with treasure and sleeping away the last hundred years of their lives.

These Draconians slink away to secret treasure caves and only emerge from slumber long enough to hunt or stir up  trouble every now and again, for instance on the SOS Draconians page which has its share of slumbering Draconians including the notorious “Ytsaeb131”

But no dragon can sleep through its year. Starting today, they slink blinking from their caves to greet the new dragons and claim the year. So how will you survive?

Well first step, as always, is to determine you might be dealing with a dragon. If you don’t have The Monstrometer, look for other telltale signs including:

* Loquacious and lightning speed communication, often with unknown and/or unseen parties and often making demands for things ie: limos, pizzas, video game controls, black M & Ms, world domination etc.

* Hot, sooty-smelling breath. (WARNING: never tell a draconian he or she has hot, sooty breath. They get very offended.)

* A tendency toward iridescent dark clothing. They choose this to hide any black scales that might cling to their clothing in human form.

* Love of treasure in general and black pearls in particular. They will probably possess a black pearl object to give as a gift to one of the newborn Black Dragons.

* Dragon tattoo

* Extremely sleepy.

If you determine you might be dealing with a Black Dragon, your second step Draconian defense is as simple as a good box of breath mints or gum made with nitrogen, a natural fire extinguisher.

Look for products containing a high level of GUM ARABIC which is scientifically proven to increase fire-extinguishing nitrogen levels in the digestive tract. Then be generous. Offer the Draconian two or three or even four pieces. Not only will the gum slow their speech, the nitrogen in the gum will (temporarily) extinguish their firey dragon breath.

After the gum, step three is deceptively simple Y*A*W*N.  Yes, a big fat contagious yawn.  If you’ve ever tried this in a group, you know that it works. Mere seconds after you launch a big, stretchy yawn, everyone in your airspace starts heading for bed. The Draconian, supernaturally sleepy to begin with, will be helpless against your snooze ooze, she starts yawning and dreaming of sleep. In fact, many Draconians can’t even read the word “yawn” without letting loose and nodding off for fifty years or so.