Could you identify a real Pandora’s Box before you open it and suffer a horrible heart-stopping fate? If the answer is no, read on and learn to identify a real Pandora’s Box before it’s too late.
When a survivor emailed me news of UK man Jason Airey’s mysterious death after opening a box labelled PANDORA’S BOX, I like you suspected a hoax. After all, everyone knows Pandora’s box was actually a metal jar or pithos in addition that is to a metaphor for any blessing that is really a curse and arguably a profane one for Pandora’s own anatomy.
But it’s time to re-think this opinion with news this week from a coroner’s inquest into Jason’s death.
The facts NOT in dispute today are this:
1. A man named Jason Airey died mysteriously in his bedroom one night last May.
2. A metal box clearly labelled Pandora’s Box in red letters was found open beside him.
3. A coroner’s inquest was held this week to determine if this was in fact a real Pandora’s box death or something very much more common, like say, drugs or a undiagnosed health problem.
So what did the coroner find in the dead man’s body? No drugs or pre-existing health condition, just a heart that stopped beating for no known reason, in other words entirely consistent with a Pandora’s Box death.
Even more suspicious, it has been revealed that the dead man worked for a division of a packaging company called Metal Box that specializes not in making boxes at all but in fact manufactures modern metal pithos.
Pandora’s pithos, the one given to her and her husband Epimetheus by the Greek God Zeus as a wedding present/punishment, probably looked a lot like the one in this photo. In ancient Greece a pithos like this would have been used for storing liquids and grains, even sometimes liquids with grains which of course leads to the production many kinds of alcoholic beverages, among other things.
But in the case of Pandora’s pithos, nobody knew what it contained because Zeus gave her strict instructions never to open it. Only Zeus knew that it contained all the evils of the world and oh yeah one sort of nice-ish thing, at the very, very bottom of it, that being hope. A fun punishment for his old enemies the ‘Methius brothers and their pet humans.
Zeus reportedly made Pandora curious enough that he knew she could not resist opening the pithos to see what it contained and thereby unleashing all of its evils – and its tiny hope at the bottom – and so humanity has been vulnerable to the death-causing contents of pithos every since.
Important to note here, this fact – while Zeus reportedly made Pandora, he did not in fact make the pithos. So where exactly did Zeus get the evil safe containment jars? Somebody had to make it. Who made Pandora’s Pithos?
Flash ahead a few thousand years, Jason Airey worked for a company that made pithos, a company strangely called Metal Box that does not make metal boxes at all but actually makes metal beverage cans and jars on contract for many different companies who sell the hope at the bottom.
Did Jason find out the truth about his job? That it involved manufacturing a line of Pandora’s pithos, to contain evils and a little bit of hope? Who was he bottling evil containers for? Did he write the words Pandora’s Box in red on the open object by his death bed in hopes of alerting the world? There are no photos of the Pandora’s Box that killed Jason anywhere on the Internet. My inquiries to the Metal Box company have gone unanswered. Unless you count vague threats of legal action which normally I do but in this case, I don’t.
Until a photo is found, survivors are advised to please stand by and be wary of any metal pithos with strange markings that claim to be selling hope.
