(SOS/ASAP/WTF) Miami, Florida – Cannibals say they are “deeply offended” today over Interweb buzz re: the so-called “Naked Cannibal”, a 31 year-old man named Rudy Eugene who was shot yesterday munching on another man’s face in broad daylight.
You are probably familiar with the facts. A police officer caught Mr. Eugene snacking on another man’s head yesterday sometime after 2 p.m.
When the officer ordered Rudy to stop chewing the other man’s face, he refused to stop and reportedly turned toward the officer and growled before the officer fatally shot him.
Stories about the incident today have referred to the face-chewing man as the “Naked Cannibal,” a monicker that has outraged cannibals worldwide.
“We cannibals have too much honor to dine buck naked like this,” said notable North Korean cannibal Kim Jong Un.
“Besides, eating naked just causes too much confusion about who to eat.” he added.
“We cannibals favor family dinners, properly prepared. Anyone who has seen my recent family dinner campaign will know this!”
But as readers of this site know, cannibals worldwide have been without their human flesh supplements for almost two weeks now, after a shipment was seized and a police investigation launched into the cannibal pills. Could this be the result?
Or is it the start of another zombie outbreak in Miami?
With Rudy Eugene’s unfortunate demise and his dinner victim now in critical condition, The Monstrometer has been somewhat less than 99.98% effective determining Mr. Eugene’s particular monstromity at this time.
So zombie or cannibal, what’s your view?
Whatever the case, until we know more survivors are best advised to take all precautions for both zombies and cannibals.