Seth On Survival

Supernatural Survival HQ

You are here: Home / Archives for Aliens

Aliens

Olympics: Betting on UFOs

By 3 Comments

(SOS/ASAP/WTF) London – It seemed like an easy bet, with a big cash payout. London gambling houses like William Hill, offering 1,000 to 1 odds on the appearance of a UFO over the opening ceremony of the Olympic games. 

Not surprisingly, both aliens and humans alike flocked to the Internet to get a piece of this lucrative action, only to discover some unexpected fine print.

“Graham, we can’t lose!” said one anonymous better who was totally not me. “Look at the director of the opening ceremonies. Danny Boyle? Get it? What is Danny Boyle’s big new gig? ALIENS 4. Unidentified Flying Objects are practically GUARANTEED! How much money you got?”

Betters like this were later shocked and appalled to discover, however, the real wording of the bet in question. Read on!

Sure thing: 1,000 to 1 bet on UFOs at the Olympic ceremonies?

Graham was still skeptical until I pointed out that even if the director wasn’t Danny Boyle who is currently deep in alien research for his upcoming job, it has already been a record year for UFO sightings. A study released on Tuesday by UFOlogists says there have been at least three sightings every single day so far in 2012.

Okay so the majority of these UFO sightings have been mysterious lights, spheres and boomerangs, but still. Three a day!

And if that’s not enough to consider, consider this. What alien kicking around the earth, indeed on this site, could resist these odds. (Are you hearing me Dazai? Tikiria Ishiu?) Sure, security will be a little tight, but just a little fly by and click-click – it would be enough to make us all rich.

Well it took some convincing but I finally got Graham on board and called the betting house of William Hill. Who proceeded to get all technical with me. Now it seems the 1,000 to one odds are being offered for the appearance of specifically, a flying saucer during the opening ceremonies. Not a UFO. Specifically a flying saucer. Nothing less. What self-respecting alien drives a flying saucer anymore?

The clerk I spoke to was unable to answer this simple question or define what exactly would constitute a flying saucer. I’ll keep trying to find out. Meanwhile, if you have or know of anyone who has, a flying saucer, I urge you to contact the site at your earliest possible convenience so we can make arrangements to save Graham’s money.

GOOD NEWS-BAD NEWS UPDATE: Several flying saucers like the one below were indeed spotted over the opening ceremonies of the Olympics! Unfortunately, it seems like the aliens inside them may be looking for a cut of the profits. Hopefully they’re looking for money and not an superior athletic chest cavity in which to procreate. Stay tuned!

Flying saucer bet pays off but will aliens take it all?

Does This Mean War?

By 9 Comments

Hail Survivors,

Below please find a news story contributed by one of the many awesome survivors here on the site, Ice. If you have any supernatural news that you care to write about email it to me and I’ll likely post it. Someday soon I will enable some new features that will allow survivors to write articles and post them directly but in the meantime just email them to me.

Thanks for the awesome article Ice! Keep on keeping on.

Seth

 

How do you wage war on the sun?

Does This Mean War?

On July 12 at 16:53 UT, a X1.4 class solar flare occurred on the surface of the sun. It creates massive amounts of UV and X-ray radiation, which along with a CME or Coronal Mass Ejection that are being propelled towards earth.

Now for those of us who don’t speak really complex science here’s the translation: at 16:53 universal time a really big solar flare occurred on the sun. It shot a lot of radiation that can mess with radio signals and electronics directly at earth. The question is, why?

We all remember earlier this year the solar flare that produced the Aura Borealis and the writing on the ice caps that sent a clear message from the Solar Draconians i.e. “We will burn you.” but until now they’ve been mostly quiet.

Link to earlier post referenced above: Solar Dragons staring Draconian civil war

Why attack now?  Were they waiting for us to lower our guard? Were they waiting for certain conditions such as the drought that has sticken most of the U.S. to attack? Was it even the Draconians or perhaps an angry sun god? And how will the governments react? The U.S. Is already making an effort to get all of their satellites out of the way of the solar radiation which will hit approximately July 15. Will they go one step further and declare war on the sun? And how would one wage war on the sun?

Stay tuned (assuming all technology isn’t wiped out.)

Ice

Angry Solar Dragons!

Alien Economist Wants War

By 18 Comments

(SOS/ASAP/WTF?) Why is this man, an economist, telling Earthlings to pick a big fight with the aliens, any aliens, as soon as possible? Find out here.

An SOS truer-than-true story in progress, 99.98% guaranteed…

Alien economist wants war with Earthlings

On TV this week, Nobel Prize winning alien economist Paul Krugman stated, “We need a good alien invasion for the fiscal stimulus – to end the recession.”

Mr. Krugman says if the aliens would just invade Earth, the recession could be over in as little as 18 months, the same way that World War 2 ended the last Great Recession 80 years ago.

He may have neglected to mention the fact that Earth itself could also be over in 18 months, but that isn’t stopping people from planning for the alien invasion today. Everyone, from aerospace engineers to politicians to courier drivers, is talking about the awesome benefits of provoking a war with the aliens.

For example, aerospace executive Carol Rosin is excited about the idea, saying that a good alien invasion would help create, “New roles for the military industrial complex, entrepreneurs, worldwide, with huge benefits and opportunities for ALL! Space travel, hotels, space hospitals, schools, labs, farms, industries — tech and info applied directly to solving urgent problems of human needs.”

And the state of Delaware has been actively pursuing an alien invasion for some time now. Remember how they appointed a Martian Ambassador earlier this year?

Even Ellie, the hairdresser who cut my hair this morning stated, “Well I guess maybe everyone would want to have nice hair for the end of the world? That would be okay. But do aliens have hair? I don’t know…”

Others have begun planning the best way to provoke an alien attack.

“I say we build a giant hand-shaped spaceship with the middle finger extended and just drive it around the galaxy,” said Kevin, grade 7. “Or maybe like, insult their moms. That always works.”

Is this madness? Or a sane plan to let the good times roll on earth again?

Would an alien war be good for earth?

Will E.T. Arrest NASA For Unpaid Parking Ticket?

By 3 Comments

An SOS 99.98% True Story: An alien entrepreneur named Greg W. Nemitz is angry this week as NASA refuses to pay an overdue parking ticket for landing on his asteroid in 2001.

Alien Homesteader Gregory Nemitz Wants Nasa to Pay Parking

Gregory W. Nemitz claims that NASA parked a probe on his homestead, a near-Earth asteroid known as 433 Eros and now owes him over 10 years worth of parking fees.

“The prices are clearly posted… see? Right here,” said Mr. Nemitz pointing to a spot in the image.

Mr. Nemitz says he charges a very reasonable rate for parking on his potato-shaped homeland, just 20 cents a year.

“Parking on other asteroids can cost you and arm and a leg. Literally. On 2063 Bacchus they only accept arms and legs as payment.”

With NASA’s parking bill now over 20 dollars and 2012 budget cuts at NASA, will this irate alien come to collect on earth in the near future?

Worse will he hire an interplanetary collection crew to do it for him? If so, will they stop at twenty dollars?

The law in this area is far from clear. Earthlings who experience any unwanted contact with Extra-terrestrial debt collectors are advised to contact their nearest Space Lawyer, asap.

Happy Earth Day

By 3 Comments

Whether you’re from Earth, a fan of Earth or just friends with an Earthling, have a nice green day.

If you aren’t from Earth, please be patient with us earth dwellers as our celebrations sometime takes unusual forms. For example:

Don’t be alarmed by strangers teaching you to how to cultivate potatoes on your person. Just keep your ears clean.

Watch out for Leprechauns pushing green drinks left over from St. Patrick’s Day.

If have a tree or a tree form or have been told that you resemble a tree in certain lights, be prepared for huggy strangers. Don’t panic, it’s only one day a year and they mean well. You might even enjoy it!

(Likewise, if you need a hug today? Consider a tree costume. I’m looking into it.)

If an earthling tries to replace your adult diaper with a cloth one, politely ask them to come back in five minutes when you’re done filling it.

Most importantly, watch out for bikes and long boards and if you’re on your bike or long board today remember, more than any other day, your survival is my survival. Please be careful.

Seth

Solar Dragons starting Draconian civil war?

By 22 Comments

Hail Survivors,

I recently received an email from friend to the site and survivors everywhere, Mr. Mutt, in which he alerted me about a very important event. See this excerpt from the email below:

At 18:37 Jan. 27 there was a massive explosion on the suns surface. This produced a lovely aurora borealis for all to enjoy but it also produced this writeting in the polar ice caps:

Nos exuret tu ater dracones, signatum, solis dracones.

Translated it means “we will burn you black dragons, signed, the dragons of the sun.

In Greek mythology two of these dragons pulled the chariot of Medea an infamous anti-survivalist. It appears that they have decided that 2012 is going to be the year of the sun dragons. They’ve already proved their disregaurd for human life by sending the solar flare with it’s dangerous radiation towards earth, however it appears no one informed them we have an electromagnetic field that keeps most dangerous radiation out of the atmosphere.

So what does this mean? Will there be a dragon civil war? Is this what the Myans knew was comeing? How will this affect the stock market?

Mutt Out.

Solar Dragon erupting from the surface of the Sun
Solar Dragon emerging from the surface of the Sun

Very important information indeed and excellent questions. Does this presage the end of the world as we know it as foretold by the Mayans? Will this spell havoc for Facebook’s long anticipated IPO? Does this mean that I should stock up on sunscreen?

Share your thoughts in the comments section and keep on keeping on.

Seth

P.S. Thanks to Mr. Mutt for sending this in and alerting us all to this important news. If you have supernatural survival related news or information be sure to send it in!