With the singularity arriving ahead of schedule, the art of outsmarting our machine overlords, even temporarily, is a skill for every survivor to study seriously – and often.
In the spirit of your singularity survival, SOS turns attention this week to the advancing arts of anti-surveillance only to find it’s not as simple as slapping on a Guy Fawkes mask or tagging your dog as being you.
I’m not saying you should throw out the mask – or not tag your dog as you. The Anonymous face will still come in handy whenever you need to make an emergency video announcement or when you run out of Halloween disguise options.
But if you’re counting on that white face and smiley moustache to let you pass undetected in your daily life, new research reveals it may be time to expand your camo kit.
Likewise, if you like me rely chiefly on mis-dicrection – you know, tag a friend or your dog or even an occasional stapler as being you, well Future Everything reporter Bill Thompson informs me this is no longer enough.
“The algorithms have advanced to a point where multiple strategies are required if you want to pass unnoticed in the world,” he said, suggesting that I book a visit to the latest kind of hair salon, a so-called “Anon Salon,” where you can get an anti-surveillance makeover guaranteed to help you pass virtually unnoticed by the creatures of code.
That I didn’t take Bill’s advice is something I regret today after being on the receiving end of a brutal One Direction-inspired haircut. But at least I have done the research and here’s what I found:
4 KEYS TO MUDDLING THE MACHINES
1. Don’t rely on masks
Yes even if you can grow or print your own custom skin job. In addition to being illegal in many public places, most machines use a number of ways to detect their presence on the surface of your face from heat signatures to circulatory maps of your skin.
Likewise, this would rule out wearing of somebody else’s face. Even if your friend said he wasn’t using his, the legal and logistical complications do not over-ride this simple fact – the machines know.
2. Hide key facial features
Concentrate on the area where your eyes, nose and forehead meet. Wear sunglasses because they make you look cool but they won’t fool most machines today. Old school disguise is still however an option. Coal digger, invalid, surgeon or nun are always popular options. Basically anything that lets you smudge or cover your face in socially approved ways.
3. Misdirect with Asymetrical Light and Shadow
You don’t have to become a camouflage cosmetician to draw an extra eyebrow on your forehead or stick a glowy bandaid under the other eye. Sure if you want to get fancy you could invest in some flashy LED bling but really we’re talking anything that makes it hard for the camera sensors to get three good overlapping images to confirm the face belongs to you.
4. Remain Inconspicuous
The best advice I always give sometimes. It never fails. Especially if a machine has been sent back from the future to eliminate you based on some messianic prophesy. Avoid fulfilling messianic prophesies wherever possible. Try to remember to not do anything of note. I for instance aim to be only the 5th most famous supernatural survivologist on the Interwebs – albeit first most reliable. In 1999 I accidentally slipped into third place for a while after Steve Irwin died. It was the scariest year of my life. Lucky for me, I was saved by the ubiquity of broadband Internet and the explosion of digital television. Consistent underachievement is a valid survival tactic in life, even after high school – with Survival everything remains possible. And that’s what I love about it.
I know this may not be possible for you, I understand. Not everyone can maintain a solid level of mediocrity. If you do in fact have some over-riding mission or talent beyond survival, well then you’ll just have take your chances and fulfill your destiny. But if so, arm yourself with the latest anti-surveillance info by reading about it here and be sure to keep on keeping on with SOS, whenever it’s safe.
by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com
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Meow
Meow
Meow
I Don’t remember how the feather ritual works exactly, but please know he won’t return as Noah the way you see him now if it happens properly. But I do know that a few things will always be true 1) Anubis and Osiris know the ritual, 2) anytime the ritual is preformed the come back and become a guardian, 3) he will remember everything but his time as a reaper he might remember a few loose details and who you are Penelope but that is it.
Oh and reaper, Anubis left these with me then went looking for you, *takes out case of hot pockets and hands them to the reaper* oh and please remember that Egyptian works better when calling on Egyptian gods.
Excuse me, but what is this mentioning of guardians?
What do you know about the guardians? Explain yourself!
Apparently during your absence the Guardians have expanded in ranks and numbers.
That wasn’t supposed to happen, this could be quite problematic.
The guardians are my species and also a race of creatures that appeared what is considered to be before all others but the ones that came into existence because of existent guardians were: humans, vampires, werewolves, angels(they say otherwise), and dragons(yes this bit involves you Zyboragon) oh and after a kind of guardian civil war 700 years ago there have only been 7-9 guardians in known existence those that are on earth have been recorded as male. So yeah, ignore ever word that just came out of ice’s mouth
It’s good that you’re referring to your species instead of the order.
Ice is referring to the order “The Guardians”, in which that was also what alarmed me when you mentioned guardians.
Oh ok then, like that isn’t as confusing as the Christian underworld. Well please know that I only ever talk about the species, which just so happens to have reincarnitive immortality thus making them impossible to find in a group of people. Oh and just to make sure your as confused as I am I have to tell you one last thing, even though guardians are strictly from this reality,I am from both this reality and one called wonderland
It’s not as much confusing as it is coincidental.
How so?
I’m afraid I can’t reveal that right now.
You know I find it weird that you have yet to, 1) ask about my top hat 2) ask my age, and 3) tell me the answer to the raven riddle from the book despite my knowing all three possible answers to the riddle
I must apologize if I’m not showing direct interest in these topics, after such an absence, I’m currently resolving past affairs.
Once everything is concluded, I’d be more than happy to discuss these things, but unfortunately, because I overslept, time is not on our side.
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Meow
Meow
Meow
No Penelope I’m saying he will remember you but what he remembers will be that you were his scythe and are his cat. Oh and how big a fyre?
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Meow
Meow
Meow
*grabs a branch he found outside and it bursts into flames* should This be big enough?
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Meow
Meow
Meow
Ok let’s go but you have to get you and Noah there by yourself but I am going by hat
As they arrive, Matrix holds a scroll made of ancient Papyrus. “Noah of Ark, you stand accused of crimes against humanity, these crimes are as follows; Genocide, Mass Murder, and crimes against fashion. How do you plead?”
Noah gasps to life, uncertain of where he is…
Why am I here, I… I ended my pain… I…
Genocide!
I pledge not guilty!
Humans do not count as anything more than a slave race if you’ll look here in the sanction of gomali, it clearly states so!
RB
Matrix is wearing the ceremonial wrappings of a mummy, and his pale horse stands behind him. Looking very sickly. He walks over to Noah, and reaches into his chest pulling out his beating heart. “The accused soul will now be weighed! If his conscience is heavier than this feather, he will be eaten by Ammit!” A creature with the body of a hippo, and the head of a crocodile walks over. “Any last words, Noah?” Matrix says placing the heart on one side, and pulling out a flaming feather.
Wait!
I invoke the right of Namidan, I can call one person to the stand, anyone I want…
I call to the stand Lilith, the storm, before her deal with Hecate!
RB
*wanders in* wow I can honestly say I’ve never been this dead before. It’s an interesting experience
Lilith walks somberly into the court, dressed in regal regalia that would one would expect of a Marie Antoinette. Her pupils were the slit of a snake, and her iris a crimson red. When she walked the place began to smellof brimstone. “Am I to take the persona of the Storm?”
Yes!
*as Lilith shifts forms, RB takes her hand into his and hold both up into the air*
I swear, any of you make one move tword my heart and I’ll start a paradox here and now!
Now then, your going to do exactly as I say, oh mighty council
council…
You shouldn’t play with someone who knows all the loop holes of the law better than you do…
RB
Reaper stands there calmly. “Noah, put Lilith’s hand down. She won’t attack me, she gave me my mortal form. I was the first one to trust her. Now, let us not involve the first woman into this, shall we?”
Ooo… The mighty council seems to be shaking in it’s knees.
Might I remind you that, this is Lilith the storm. The firm she gave up to make me. This is her before that deal with Hecate. One word from me, and i can start a paradox. And do you know what happens when a paradox activates in the council of Ma’at, order?
I do, it won’t be pretty…
RB
“Fool, you realize if you create a paradox, you will destroy all of reality along with it!” Matrix yells. His form shifting from man to woman, from woman to a skeletal dog creature with backward feet, and back to a man. “If you do this, we can’t give you rebirth! Don’t you want that?!”
Ok I just thought I should pop in and say hi as well as say that
“well Noah the reason this even came Into action as an event was to get you reborn separating you as an entity from Lilith but in the process I would force the back lash from that separation to change you from warded being(the curse) to unstoppable guardian, but limit your abilities to the point that you could live as a reaper if you wanted but couldn’t flood the world again” now that you understand this please don’t create a paradox.
I want to be gone, and if I have to topple the pillars of Oder to do that so help me I will!
But you will not touch my heart!
If the scales are weighed my heart will surely be eaten…
I want to undo all I’ve done, my powers arnt my problem, the things I’ve done with them are, all I want is a clean slate.
*RB whispers something into Liliths ear and reality begins to slowly ripple*
RB
*thows his hat into the tear that appeared because of the paradox closing said tear* Noah don’t you get it despite what you have done with your powers your own story *hands Noah a book titled “the chronicles of the ark”* marks you a hero in the eyes of all who read it if you wanted a clean slate you could have acted as the good man I know you are as your friend instead of spending all time doing something crazy then saying that you want someone to apologize for thinking your ideas are crazy. But then again “zugzwang”
*sighs* you know I really have put a lot of work into this reality. I’m afraid I can not let you destroy it. *reality starts to solidify* But I can cut you a deal, *smiles as eyes flash red* want to get out of here?
*Noah flips through the book skimming the pages searching for something that he knows isn’t there*
You know why I know god approximated what I did?
He took credit for it in his own holy text 🙂
*the book rots away in his hand*
They say that immortals are bound to repeat there own history, so that is exactly what I’ll do. I’ll have to be quick though, this resurrection is on a time limit.
*pulls up shirt to reveal hourglass fused into himself*
Mutt…
Let’s go…
RB
*smiles* hold on this isn’t going to be pleasant. *Noah and Mutt vanish*
*the sky grows dark over earth while a booming voice says*
Your welcome
*a storm begins to brew… Everywhere*
RB
Don’t you get it Noah despite all the evil you have done G said that he was the one who “flooded the earth but he told a man pure of heart named Noah to bring on a boat, that noah was going to make his family and two of every species one male, one female. After forty days and forty nights Noah finally found land after the great flood walked onto dry land and slaughtered a few of the animals as a sacrifice to The Lord” so you see your story paints you a hero in all pictures in the book oh and please now that the book I gave you was also a live account of all that you have done since your creation until now.
Rain rain go away, come again anotherday, can’t you hear the children sing?
False hopes give me joy hatter, I’m on a high, there is no stoping a storm of this proportion!
Get ready for the second great flood!
RB
Di Immortales! Janus, call everyone you can! Xolotl, Thor, Zeus/Jupiter, Poseidon! Call every god of Thunder and Rain you can, we can’t allow Noah to destroy the human race again, at least not without calling some friends first.
*I watch Noah out of the corner of my eye* really? Is this what you want? To step on what amounts to the smallest anthill in the universe?
Ok reaper i think I know 2 ways that we can fix this 1) your idea 2) *yells* Olly Olly Oxen-Free! *from just off the east coast of the area we are in a red boat captained by two young boys that appear to be partially clockwork* meet Hugh the iron and William the pig the original lost boys sons of Jason and Medea, don’t worry they are friendly to gods and friends of the earth but unfortunately not to those who are connected to catastrophes like Noah here. So Noah you want to see some children then say hello to my childish friends, oh and if you don’t surrender I can show you what the Hamlyn experiment was really for.
But how can you touch a storm!
I’ve become a deadly sin, meet noahism number 8!
*the islands off the coast of Asia are engulfed in water*
I have about 16 more hours, that’s all I need…
RB
Easy your really dense so even things crafted during the recruitment phase of the Hamlyn experiment could touch you, thankfully for friends of the earth and gods the experiment has not only kept the volunteers ageless but they are always training for when the experiment is ever needed for defence and a better thing is that all the volunteers have a knowledge of the words you have to use to call them to arms which can only be stated by a guardian to be considered a proper call oh and the worst bit is that the training to know the command words has been placed in your heads for centuries
* the enseing chaos drains RBs time and he falls to the earth from a great storm*
I didn’t think… This… Would…
Huh.. Cough.. I never… I’d… Stop it… But.. My time… It’s…
The council must make a desicion before… Before…
*RB faints as his time trickles away slowly*
*the storm gains power and momentum with no concious master to control it*
RB
*my eyes glow red and the storm slows slightly* hmmm it’s actually to powerful for me to stop…
Have you tried standing on your head to fix this time slipping away problem? Oh and Noah, Penelope found a weird loophole in the way the scales work and apparently you were going to be fine, you should have just let my and Penelope’s plan happen as it was going to happen in the beginning, if you agree to the plan I had ask me what my hat is made out of just to satisfy Seth’s curiousity, but if you disagree try telling me my idea was crazy start to finish then pass out due to a lack of time left after you insult my idea
The goddes Ma’at herself hovered over RB in the form of a sereph. She screams, “HAS THE COUNCIL MADE A DECISION!”
As RB’s incompasitaed body slowly deteriorates as his time reaches it’s end.
RB
Ah, my hot pockets! This should help me quite a bit. Hm, Cheddar and Bacon… Anubis you sly dog… You know I’m a reformed vegetarian! NOOOOOOO! Oh also, the feather ritual involves Amet, myself, Anubis, and Osirus. Khonsu if we need to refreshen the body. Basically, the old way which I assume is what the Egyptian underworld is using, is there is a pair of scales. On one scale, there is a feather. On the other, the persons heart. If the persons heart is pure, it will be reincarnated. However, if Noah were too oh I don’t know, wipe out the human race and threaten to do it again, well. Then his heart and soul would be eaten by Amet. Unfortunately for me, being one of three reapers to have survived the voids overtaking of the underworld, I’ve been forced to join the panel of underworld judges. Don’t worry, I’ll give him my honest verdict.
Wow three out of four names wrong 1) was ammit 2) was Osiris(and Americans complain about canada putting u’s in for no reason) and if you were referring to the moon god it’s Khons not Khonsu.
1 Sorrry. 2. Typo. 3. It is spelled Khonsu.
Yeah I’m pretty sure there are multiple spellings for all of those so~
I have brought it down to two options. Samurai Cowboy, or an extra large iPhone. Although… I’d have to worry about Androids and Kindles…
You do know when Noah said that water engulfed islands in Asia ,nothing happened. And I know cause I live in Singapore….you know that little island in South East ASIA……nothing happened at all!!!!!!!!!
Oh no, the people on this site will suffer last, but surely they will suffer, you can keep your little island….
For the time being…
RB
http://ifunny.mobi/i/eRgXpZHp1 replace doctor who with taking over/destroying something
You could use a iPad ?
I have informants all over Asia. Nothing happened.
“Noah,” spoke lilith. “Enough.” Her eyes boiled with anger; wrath. “ENOUGH!” The sky went silent as she reverted back to her normal persona. “I am so tired. And so disappointed. You could have been so much more.” She brandished the sword she took from Eden, a sword of fire that moved in all directions. “You desire a final end, my sweet?” Her eyes were again red, pupils of snakes and all. “It is only fitting I should bring about such an end my love.”
I curse you Lilith. I curse you snake.
As you have cursed me to this life I curse you.
You did this to me.
Can you ask a snake not to bite thy heel and it comply. It is my nature tondrown Lilith. You were never there to teach me right from wrong, and all the coven ever did was exploit my powers and drain my magic for their selfish purposes.
I am doomed to reapeat history!
As all of us are…
Strike me down!
End the pain you caused!
And above all feel the pain I felt!
RB
Wow this is so cheesy I can smell it…
Anyway Noah’s finally gonna die .
I can’t stand that a%%%%%%
http://imgur.com/Vg4m4io
Lilith raises the blade high, ready to strike Noah. She begins to tremble before dropping to the ground. ” I cannot!” Tears fall from her eyes as she sobs. “Please don’t say that. Anything but that,” she cries.
“Lilith,” called Hecate, the Maiden, in a voice that did not match her youth. “Whad’ye lack? I have you exactly what you asked for. Was it not enough?” The Crone’s voice cackled. “Whad’ye lack? Do you want more Lilith?”
“Haunt me not, Crone! How could you taunt with me so, monster!”
The Maiden’s face smiles, her eyes pure milky white, possessed by her
Infinitely powerful elder. “Whad’ye lack? I have a proposition, sweet girl; a second chance.”
“A what?” Lilith cooed, crawling up to the Maiden and pulling on the hem of her dress. “What do you ask of me, your Cthonic Majesty?” She submitted.
“The time will come when you pay the price of Hecate, but that day is not today.” The maiden looked over at Noah and pointed at him. “I cast ye out.” The Crone shot through his mind and took hold of his soul, before throwing his soul back through time into a new body, into a new life. “A second chance,” the Crone cackled. “He will return lilith,” she kicked lilith away. “He will yet be the man you knew, but his memories will not return until after that life ends. He will be new. He will be different. He will be the same. No telling who he will become. He has she’d his skin as you do and shall become someone else.” With that the presence of the Crone left the maiden, who simply looked around confused. “Where am I? Where’s my yogurt?”
*as he is being torn from his skin, he screams twords Lilith, “I’ve always loved you!”*
*And empty shell of Noah decinigrates into a pile of sand…
The storm subsides*
RB
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Meow
Meow
Meow
Well that was number 2 on my favourite funerals that I was a guest to list number one being the funeral that guy tried to have for me after he thought he had defeated me in that sword fight I never mentioned,
oh and congrats mr.reaper for your achievement of becoming shinigami I hope that stays what you are doing longer than Noah did it, now if you excuse me I will be erasing myself from all archives that hold power in the supernatural/human worlds, create a fake past and erase my death from the master list without anyone at reaper corps finding me while I am doing it. because of that thing over there *points at spot on the ground that appears to be a giant hat brim surrounding a purple vortex and then jumps hands first into it* bye for now see you later *hatter and the vortex disappear*
Wat
Ugh I need to get my own computer I’m always on Lily’s account 😳
To make a long story short the hat brim vortex thing was my hat returning to this reality, the master list is an archive of when people cease living which I am no longer a part of I now live with a group of humans near the 401 highway, oh and the only records of my existence are at the hospital this form of mine(David hatter) was brought into the world, Facebook, and this site.
Lilith if you don’t want to kill r.b I will .
Brutally through slow painful torture.
I want to watch him suffer…muhahahaha”laughs evilly”