Leprechauns are livid this week over an Internet campaign urging kids to eat rainbows instead of fries.
A global Internet sensation who goes by the name Rainbow Girl crashed a fast food press conference this week, urging kids to turn away from fast food and turn to Rainbowarianism, that is the eating of rainbows.
In fact the little rainbow Rambo recommends every kid in the world eat an entire rainbow, every single day.
“It’s bad enough they used to be after me Lucky Charms now I have to defend me rainbows? Those hungry little ~bleeps~ what will it be next? Me shoes?” writes Samuel the Leprechaun who alerted me to the situation.
“Do you know how many kids there are in the world? Over two billion. Do you know how many rainbows there are? Well nor does I – but not two billion. The sky simply cannot sustain them all.”
Leprechauns, who rely on rainbows for transportation, navigation and self-defence as well as, it should be admitted, entertainment, fear a global shortage of rainbows will force these two billion new rainbowairians to begin looting leprechauns, who are known to wield secret rainbow generation technology for personal use.
Samuel adds that global efforts to recover many missing pots of leprechaun gold at rainbows’ ends will also be seriously hampered by roaming rainbow eaters.
“When the end of yer rainbow takes ye to a rotten rainbow eater’s entrails, there’ll no be a pot o’gold in it, I tells you that for free!”
The whole campaign, which features a website, song and show devoted to glorifying the consumption of rainbows, makes Samuel misty-eyed for the old days of when web pranksters would stop at nothing to simply puke a rainbow.
“At least they were giving something back,” he said.
The Internet’s 8th most popular supernatural survivologist, Seth Greening, meanwhile, speculates that Rainbow Girl has a highly suspicious leprechauny look about her.
“Either Rainbow Girl is a leprechaun herself or she has found a way to become a leprechaun through Rainbowairianism,” stated Seth, conveniently interviewing himself between shifts at his pizza delivery day job. “Either way somebody clearly needs to scan her, immediately before she turns the whole world into leprechauns!”