Well it’s official. The Year of the Dragon begins today and Black Dragons around the world are waking up and slinking from their secret caves to claim the year.
How will you prepare for twelve months of high Draconian drama?
Recall dragon kind or so-called “Draconians” are born roughly every twelve years and every batch gets their own special element and color. 2012 being the year of the water dragon, whose team color is black, Black Dragons everywhere are rising to the occasion and the rumbling is being felt around the world.
This is not necessarily a bad thing. Dragons in general can be great leaders when they use their powers of fluency, fire and flight for the good of the others. Which they often do, especially when they are young.
But sometimes as the years wear on and the transformation toll begins to add up, older dragons can become disgruntled Draconians, obsessed only with treasure and sleeping away the last hundred years of their lives.
These Draconians slink away to secret treasure caves and only emerge from slumber long enough to hunt or stir up trouble every now and again, for instance on the SOS Draconians page which has its share of slumbering Draconians including the notorious “Ytsaeb131”
But no dragon can sleep through its year. Starting today, they slink blinking from their caves to greet the new dragons and claim the year. So how will you survive?
Well first step, as always, is to determine you might be dealing with a dragon. If you don’t have The Monstrometer, look for other telltale signs including:
* Loquacious and lightning speed communication, often with unknown and/or unseen parties and often making demands for things ie: limos, pizzas, video game controls, black M & Ms, world domination etc.
* Hot, sooty-smelling breath. (WARNING: never tell a draconian he or she has hot, sooty breath. They get very offended.)
* A tendency toward iridescent dark clothing. They choose this to hide any black scales that might cling to their clothing in human form.
* Love of treasure in general and black pearls in particular. They will probably possess a black pearl object to give as a gift to one of the newborn Black Dragons.
* Dragon tattoo
* Extremely sleepy.
If you determine you might be dealing with a Black Dragon, your second step Draconian defense is as simple as a good box of breath mints or gum made with nitrogen, a natural fire extinguisher.
Look for products containing a high level of GUM ARABIC which is scientifically proven to increase fire-extinguishing nitrogen levels in the digestive tract. Then be generous. Offer the Draconian two or three or even four pieces. Not only will the gum slow their speech, the nitrogen in the gum will (temporarily) extinguish their firey dragon breath.
After the gum, step three is deceptively simple Y*A*W*N. Yes, a big fat contagious yawn. If you’ve ever tried this in a group, you know that it works. Mere seconds after you launch a big, stretchy yawn, everyone in your airspace starts heading for bed. The Draconian, supernaturally sleepy to begin with, will be helpless against your snooze ooze, she starts yawning and dreaming of sleep. In fact, many Draconians can’t even read the word “yawn” without letting loose and nodding off for fifty years or so.
Mr. Mutt says
Umm just don’t attack just anyone who’s sleepy and in black clotheing. There’s always a chance it’s me.