Are you hoping to survival the seasonal onslaught of zombies, and zombie hunters this Halloween by escaping to a fortified remote cabin?
If so then you, like me, have probably been saving up for materials to build your own. But if you, unlike me, happen to have more than $86.55 in spare change owing in part to riot gear repairs and a recent refund on your survival guarantee, you could look no further than the new (ish) ZFC-1, pictured here.
Now Tiger Log cabins is not the first company to advertise a zombie proof dwelling for sale with a 10 year guarantee. I wrote about another one here on the site waaaaay back in 2012… but they may be the first company selling one complete with solar panels, water cannon and flame thrower(s) in addition to the plasma TV, workout room and Xbox…
Against my better judgement, I recently tested out a ZFC-1.
Why against my better judgement? For starters, I went all-out PS way back in 2008. Plus, the guy on the phone says there is no room for a Katana collection. And I don’t generally work out. So what would I ever want with one of these?
Not to mention, any valid test of this product would obviously necessitate spending a night in a zombie infested region – not my favourite thing to do under the best of conditions and right now I’m really behind on the site. But at a survivor’s request, I recently agreed to spend one night in one, only to help you can assess whether or not to invest.
My first attempt night started out on a massive groan when a herd of zombies surrounded our delivery truck, making it immediately apparent to me that this is maybe not the best emergency measure for mid-zombie invasion preparation. How were we going to get this thing assembled and me into it, without casualties?
Worse, when I asked the truck driver this question from the back of the truck, he had only one suggestion which he proceeded to implement with extreme prejudice — he unhitched the trailer and drove away. With a quick call to tigerlogcabins, the service agent directed me to the fine print of my contract – installation not included! Now you tell me…
So with night falling and the sound of bony hands clawing at the aluminum siding of the trailer I dug out my swiss army knife and their handy 500-step instruction manual. Things were going pretty good until my flashlight app died and…
Article pre-empted by technical difficulties… please keep on keeping on..by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com
I’d advice moving to a sheltered island surrounded on all sides by raging river, this washes away the undead in the current, this also provides access to drinking water if you purify it, water for crops, fishing and all around safety, though keep weapons just incase, fuel, an escape route, and quite a few barriers just as a precaution as the undead though brain dead manage to get lucky every once in a while.
*I walk along a dark and cold street when suddenly I here something let out a sob. I turn and see a small child huddled on the sidewalk crying. I approach the child* What is your problem? *The child looks up, it’s a girl about 7 or 8 years old* “I don’t know where my parents are… I got lost and now I’m all alone” *I consider her for a moment before offering my hand* come with me, I’ll help you find your parents.
Agent TL says
*the little girls eyes turn into lightning as she stops walking, she begins to speak, it sound like TL*
I never would have guessed somone like you to help a child…
You’ve made an enemy of me Morgenstern…
I’ve been playing with you up untill now…
*The girl grins*
You care about her…
If you pull what you pulled in the underworld…
I’ll not hesitate to take her…
*I freeze and look down icily*if you harm a hair on her head I will raise the underworld. The souls of the dęãd will find no peace. Now get out of her head before I crush you like the insignificant little dęmøn you are.
Agent TL says
*TL begins to laugh*
Oh your just to much…
You haven’t peiced it togeather have you?
You know, you arn’t the only one looking for her parents…
The only difference between you and I…
*TL removes one of her gloves to reveal TL’s sigil tattooed on her hand*
The girl and I have a contract…
*The girl grins*
And, because im amsuming you know what happened to her parents…
You know that only a reaper can help her find them now…
*I smile* oh TL, you find me amusing? I know the future. I know where this girl will go and who she will be. *My hand lashes out and fire burns and disfigured the mark on the girls hand* and I guarantee you, she will not be in your debt. Now get out of her before I turn you into a grease stain on the pavement.
Lilith watches from the Glass Room, sipping plum tea, with fair interest in the current events. That girl… surely not. But, no, that can’t be denied. Her eyes narrowed as she watched the events unfold.
On Morgenstern’s left arm the golden word engraved in his skin (MINE) began to feel a tad bit warmer. As if someone was trying to get his attention.
Agent TL says
*TL begins laughing eradicly*
the contract goes far deeper than you could ever imagine…
No one backs out of a deal with me without my consent!
That mark was simply my brand, like on a head of cattle…
I know what this girl will become, and that’s exaclty why I set up this little senario
Don’t you get it?
I removed her parents from the equation so she’d have a reason to make a deal…
And with her being eight and all, it was a peice of cake…
I need to sculpt her into what the common good needs, not you selfish wants!
Don’t bother telling her that, I’ve just now finished removing her memories of the deal, that’s why I entered in the first place, I just needed to stall you…
You borrow her for now, but I’ll be back…
In the mean time, I have an army to prepare, halloweens almost here!
*the girls eyes turn back to normal as she drops to the ground*
*I look down at the girl and a single tear rolls down my cheek. I snarl and suddenly an ethereal image of me appears in Lilith glass palace. I glare at her and small flames spark from where my feet touch the floor* what do you want? To gloat? To laugh? Then by all means do so, I have nothing better to do then be summoned at the whim of some would be God in a Petri dish universe.
“Oh, nothing so mundane.” She stand and her silver tresses fall to her hips, her chrome nails flag gaudily as she makes gestures. “I simply wish to listen. To see. Tell me, Morgenstern, who you are.”
*I narrow my eyes* you know who I am. I am the other half of Mutts son Ice. His alter ego. I am a Hybrid. I have lived for over three hundred years. I am cruel, I am heartless. I kīll indiscriminately. I am a monster. There is nothing more to know.
“But why? Why have you become this way, why do you exist in such abhorant manner? Must you exist like this, do you have no option but to exist in opposition to Ice?”
She stood, her long white tresses falling around her. She walked around him in a circle, patiently, her bare feet clicking against the cool glass floor. She regarded the crack he had left in the eastern wall for a moment.
“Ah. You’re deteriorating.” She observed. “I can’t help but wonder, is it from your use of the Golden Blood, or perhaps from your consumption of all those poor souls?” She pursed her pale lips. “I can hear them. They’re afraid. How long will you keep them on a leash?”
*I smile malicously* for as long as I need them… Which won’t be much longer. I only need two more genocides to heal myself completely and cement my position. As for whether this is the only existence I can have, it certainly is not. But it’s the one I choose. *I look down at the world below* so many stars…. *I look at Lilith and my eyes become blank* you’re all stars… And I Eat stars.
Lilith looked at him with disdain. “You’re neither entertaining nor appropriate.” She gazed into the western wall of glass, the reflection shifting to show the battle between Cortez and Mutt. She didn’t move as she watched the armies of Anubis attack the hybrid encampments, a number of the Hybrid’s fought the armies and were fairing quite well, a few of the Hybrids in particular, those gifted with higher level powers, were leading the charge. “Well that’s odd,” Lilith said. “He hasn’t used it yet…” She signed as the image changed to show Cortez before quickly shifting to Madama Shade and Ice’s conflict. “Hm. Interesting, her. I spent a lot of time on that one. At the Original is still caged up.” She looked at the image of Morgenstern. “So, what will you do? That battle, well, it hasn’t even started yet.”
*I smile and my eyes glow gold* This. *My image disappears and suddenly the images on the glass walls of Liliths palace all shift to Madame Shade pointing a gun at Ice as he falls to the ground. Just behind her I emerge as if from the air itself*
*As one part of me converse with Lilith another reaches down and picks up the girl. A memory flashes through my mind… “The wolves saved me… They protected me from my debtor for as long as they could”* well child, let’s find you some guard dogs. *I carry the girl into the shadows*
The Reaper says
The Reaper awakens with a start, he had been spending the last couple weeks at Reaper HQ, Kansas City office. During Halloween, and most of October, Reapers were supposed to stay above ground while the supernatural activity was higher. Recently, he heard Kansas City was having some extreme supernatural activity. Demons, ghosts, ghouls, if it was nasty and undead, you’d likely find one or two types. He was in his hotel room, having heard of a reap next door. He grabbed hold of his toothbrush, began brushing his teeth. Rough week. 1 heart attack, 2 car wrecks, 3 souls stolen, 4 demon attacks, 5 lost souls, 6 drained of blood, 7 ghouls slain, 8 zombie attacks, 9 failed surgerys, and 10 rogue reapers on a killing spree. He couldn’t wait for Halloween, at least then things would begin to decline… Last night he had to reap a couple, demon attack. Real brutal. Only a little girl survived.
Thanks for the update and good to know you’re taking care of your undead dental work in addition to the souls you reap. I have finally got your Hall of Fame post posted and thanks for your patience. We had considerable computer problems here at SOS HQ caused by some old machines and the load of getting the Monstrometer Reports ready. But with the help of a new computer and considerable rewiring we have survived. Your Hall of Fame page can be found here. Please let me know if you see any errors or corrections to the text or links…
Thanks for keeping on with SOS.
*Knocks on Reaper’s door looking extremely haggard*
The Reaper says
The Reaper went to the door with a toothbrush in his mouth. “Harey?” He said his mouth full of toothbrush and toothpaste.
*hand the Reaper three soul gems* TL never really said what to do with these, and you were easier to find. *smiles tiredly* I honestly have no clue what I’m doing.
Agent TL says
*TL steps out from behind reaper*
Oh no, I belive I’m just as easy if not easier to find…
*looks as Haley’s shocked expression*
Yeah, the Kansas City offices didn’t have anymore free rooms, so we had to “buddy up” so to speak…
Can I help you?
as I just said, you never specified what to do with these once we had the souls.
Agent TL says
They’re automatic, just place one inside the ghost and it’ll do the rest. Place it on the chest of ghosts with bodies, like zombies and such…
It works the same way…
We re-use them? over and over?
*appears dumbfounded* we just use the same gems over and over?
As I peak into the land of the dead. I see 3 immortals who have each lost their heads. Or mayhaps their wings as well, for from grace these angels fell. Their wings turned ashen and burnt. I see corpses rising from the grave, rotting and pulsating masses coming in wave after wave. Ohh these souls who hath been spurned. Strange and nauseating their color of flesh, pussy and rotten, like a slimy green mesh. Prepare forthwith then the tide as the dead come hungry for the entire world, this knowledge of which I must abide for now the dead walk among living, living among the dead and the plot grows thicker and bolder and makes me sicker. Looking into the window of madness, no hall left for me to see as I am just enjoying the show, that the immortal and already dead are about to pose. Simply to enjoy my delicious cup if tea and see the fun from which the grave it rose.
Scarlett Lupa says
Hey Seth, guess what I just learned…Dragon’s Blood is a type of plant…just google it…don’t use bing I hate bing and yahoo anwsers…I’LL NEVER USE BING OTHER THEN TO SEARCH FOR GOOGLE!!! If you ever search google is…on bing you’ll find some mean things, but you search it on google you find some weird things…
Scarlett Lupa says
I love google…