Fire Opal Mines Seek Space Miners But Methane Breathers Only Please
Boos for the space mining industry this week from the unemployed astronauts who cheered the first fire opals found on Mars but now protest the industry preference for hiring only Martian miners.
When scientists in Glasgow, Scotland found fire opals from the red planet on the Martian meteorite known as Nakla, Buzz Buchwald was among the first to celebrate.
“As a NASA-trained astronaut I have space suit and can travel,” said Buzz who was laid off in a round of cutbacks last year.
“Not to mention I can perform pilates in sub-zero gravity and play a mean acoustic guitar.”
“So naturally I thought for sure I could land a job as a fire opal miner on Mars.”
Buzz’s original optimism quickly crashed and burned though after he delivered hundreds of resumes to Martian mining operators. His follow-up calls to the companies in question all received the same routine reply – sorry Sir but the positions have been filled…
“They didn’t even want to see my awesome Earth sunset photos or hear about my workout routine!” tweeted Buzz today. “I haven’t felt this bad since cutback space snack-packs took away my tube cheese!”
Martian mining industry reps, meanwhile, refuse to admit they hire only Martians.
“We simply ask all candidates to demonstrate the ability to breathe methane,” said one mine operator. “In fact we invite anyone whose only beverage requirement is a yearly subzero-ice chip to apply.”
“Is that really too much to ask?”
In a related story, many Martians themselves continue to say “Nay!” to the fire opal rush on their planet.
“Our fire opals are not mere baubles like your lame Terran rocks,” sniffed one Martian activist.
“For one thing, these precious gems preserve our ancestors! And for another… let’s just say they do other things.I like you Seth but I can’t tell you about the other things and let you keep on keeping on, as you put it.”
Keep on keeping on Survivors.by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com