(SOS/ASAP/WTF) Miami, Florida – Cannibals say they are “deeply offended” today over Interweb buzz re: the so-called “Naked Cannibal”, a 31 year-old man named Rudy Eugene who was shot yesterday munching on another man’s face in broad daylight.
You are probably familiar with the facts. A police officer caught Mr. Eugene snacking on another man’s head yesterday sometime after 2 p.m.
When the officer ordered Rudy to stop chewing the other man’s face, he refused to stop and reportedly turned toward the officer and growled before the officer fatally shot him.
Stories about the incident today have referred to the face-chewing man as the “Naked Cannibal,” a monicker that has outraged cannibals worldwide.
“We cannibals have too much honor to dine buck naked like this,” said notable North Korean cannibal Kim Jong Un.
“Besides, eating naked just causes too much confusion about who to eat.” he added.
“We cannibals favor family dinners, properly prepared. Anyone who has seen my recent family dinner campaign will know this!”
But as readers of this site know, cannibals worldwide have been without their human flesh supplements for almost two weeks now, after a shipment was seized and a police investigation launched into the cannibal pills. Could this be the result?
Or is it the start of another zombie outbreak in Miami?
With Rudy Eugene’s unfortunate demise and his dinner victim now in critical condition, The Monstrometer has been somewhat less than 99.98% effective determining Mr. Eugene’s particular monstromity at this time.
So zombie or cannibal, what’s your view?
Whatever the case, until we know more survivors are best advised to take all precautions for both zombies and cannibals.
Mr. Mutt says
Zombies don’t worry about clothes much….. And he was going for the face which is close to the head which houses the brain.
Hail Mr. Mutt,
Thanks for weighing in. Good points all.
Zombie rights activists though have suggested that while zombies tend to wear the same outfit until it rots off, they don’t usually actively strip…
Maybe Zyboragon’s zombie pals will have a comment, we’ll see.
Yours In Survival,
No zombie pals today, they really seem to avoid this topic. (suspicious)
Mutt has a good point, the lack of clothing and interest for facefood points more towards zombie. It was also a police officer that got faced, zombies don’t care about authority figures and are more likely to attack one than a cannibal, cannibals (other than eating people) normally respect authority, having a gun pulled and pointed towards him, the suspected “cannibie” attacker only growled, zombies have a tendacy to growl even when a gun is point towards them. I would assume a cannibal would run off.
Then in the newspaper article there’s one sentence that conviences me that this was a zombie, “Even after being shot, the maniac continued..”
I don’t like saying it, I suspect he was a zombie.
Now I need to stock up on supplies.
Lycanthropic Paragon says
This is definitely a zombie assault. I advise immediate quarantine of the infected individual.
It’s a funny word…definitely..
hey guys thus I just crazy. I mean a guy attacking someone for no reason other then o attack him and et his face I’ve seen pictures of the guys face after the attack.look me up on YouTube my Name Is krptu117
thanks for keeping us updated on this topic please continue to keep us informed Seth
Umm so since there are zombies and stuff should I get my dad to buy zombie rounds even though they are expensive 😐