Mayan Daykeeper: Everyone Relax! The World Ends All The Time!

The global search for one real Mayan Daykeeper intensified this week after Australian Prime Minister Julia Gillard released a terrifying video confirming the globe’s worst 2012 fears namely: K-Pop is pathologically catchy and the Mayan calendar prophesy is absolutely true – the world will in fact end on December 21.

World leaders, journalists and yes, even Supernatural Survivologists – at least the top 38 most reliable ones on the Internet! – all went in search of one man:  Leonzo Barreno, the last living Mayan Daykeeper. Okay, so maybe not technically the LAST last living Mayan Daykeeper –  but  definitely the last one with a cell phone and a publicist.

Still even a Mayan Daykeeper with a cell phone is hard to track down in 2012. Especially when he doesn’t want to be found! Professor Barreno has been on the run for nearly all of 2012, hounded by humans begging him to save the world from the dread Mayan prophesy.

“Just one more year! they beg and beg. Sometimes they offer me money,” said Professor Barreno, when I caught up with him at his secret igloo hideaway in snowy Sasquatchewan near the North Pole where he is currently hoping for a glimpse of Santa Clause or at least the Icelandic Yule Cat. “I just tell them a real Mayan Daykeeper does not accept money. Although we do appreciate a nice gift certificate every now and again…” he hinted.

Astonishing news considering the Mayan Daykeeper’s job is to keep track of the different cycles of time and to perform the rituals that keep it going from year to year. Basically his job is just to keep time going! So just how many iTunes cards will it take to keep the world from ending this year?

“Oh well save your gift certificate because you can’t keep the world from ending,” the Daykeeper admitted. “I don’t usually admit that but you look like you need the money. Besides, I thought you had pizza.”

At this point I had a secret too. I did have pizza. But I wasn’t about to give it to him. The first rule of Supernatural Survivology is to stay calm and keep on…

“YOU MEAN YOU WOULD JUST LET THE WORLD DIE???!!!!!”

“Well yes. That’s part of my job.” he replied.

Some job! Even Graham can do that! 

“The world dies every year at this time. In fact it dies each day. When the sun sets or when the crops are harvested. The world is constantly dying. The role of the Mayan Daykeeper is to make sure things get going again by keeping track of time and performing the proper rituals.”

Many of these rituals appear to involve an open flame – like the one shown here.

But Daykeeper Leonzo says that the Daykeeper can’t do it alone. Everyone has to help renew the world by performing his or her own firey rituals for this time of year. Whether it’s lighting the Yule log or the Menorah or the Christmas tree or just putting some candles in your pizza or Santa Claus cookies – every little bit helps to keep the flame of hope alive for another year.

“But not me. I’m through with all that! Those rituals are too hard on the old knees, so I traded in my poncho and candles for some PhDs. I’m Professor Daykeeper now, I just tell other people what to do.”

But Professor Daykeeper did agree to give me one thing to help save the world – after I gave him some of my pizza. He gave me a traditional Mayan trick to mark the year and extend time. So please, stop back here around December 20 if you can and help save the world!