Have you, like me, always wondered what happens to kids on the Naughty List? Happy St. Krampus Night, the most terrifying night of the holiday calendar after St. Michaelmas and Yule Cat Day. Don’t want to be dragged to the bowels of Austria tonight by a demon dressed in animal skins? Keep reading.
Little known fact – Saint Nicholas aka: Santa Claus has a twin brother known as Krampus to whom was assigned the unhappy task of dealing with kids on the infamous Naughty List on this night, December 05. He does this by means of a heavy stick and a child-sized bag on his shoulder.
Why did Krampus get the job of snatching up Naughty Aughties on this night and dragging them off to Austria? That part is unclear. Was he maybe a grumpier baby than little Nick? Of was his life forfeit on birth owing to a pact made with the devil by his mother or father?
We don’t know that part. But we do know this. He hates Santa Claus and kids and hides out in the darkest part of Austria until this night, Krampusnacht, when he receives a copy of the naughty list and goes to work.
But if you haven’t been perfect all year, don’t despair. There’s still time before midnight to get yourself off the list. Start by emailing or calling Santa Claus immediately and demand to know your status in regards to the list and a copy of your SCIA file (Santa Claus Intelligence Agency). You can do that a few places including here at emailsanta.com
But let’s assume you haven’t been an angel – or maybe you have been an angel and that’s the real problem here – but let’s say that you actually are unfortunately on the naughty list, despite all of your best intentions. Are you doomed to live out the rest of your days roaming the forests and fjords of Austria looking for a gingerbread house?
Maybe. But you don’t despair if you don’t like gingerbread there’s still time to get your name off that list. It’s just going to take some work:
How to Get Your Name off the Naughty List By Midnight
An impossibly ambitious helpy SOS list in progress…
1. Plan to perform a good deed by midnight.
Bonus points if your good deed in some way rectifies a situation that got you on that naughty list to begin with so try to get that info out of the SCIA. That’s why ideally, you need a copy of your file.
2. Perform and document the good deed.
Don’t tell me that for a deed to be truly good it must be done in ignomy. I’m aware of this noble principal and practice it often but I’m also aware that the clock is ticking and you need proof! So get some. Make sure there are witnesses. Document, document, document. Photos are good, video is better.
3. Send your proof to the SCIA asap with a detailed report of your deed and why it should cancel out any previous lesser ungood deeds.
4. Rinse and Repeat.
That’s right. Deed after deed until finally it sticks. For some of us, it might take a lot of good deeds tonight to cancel out the other ones. But I have to try. Because I hate gingerbread. It tastes like dwarves.
5. Hire an angel to be your lawyer.
If all else fails or you think your case might be too complicated, you might need a spiritual lawyer, in this case, because Saint Krampus is a demon, you will need an angel lawyer to plead your case before midnight.
Don’t have an angel lawyer on speed dial? Why not try the Little Angel of Herogenbosch. She takes tweets @ut_engelke*
*Please note SOS does not endorse or not not endorse the services of any real angel(s) you may meet on this site.