Groundhog Day Survival Theory 101

Don’t be trapped on repeat in your most boring day. 

Heads up survivors it’s Groundhog Day. Does today look suspiciously exactly like yesterday to you? You, like me and many survivors today could be trapped in your most boring day, unwitting victims of the Curse of the Goundhog.

Now my life is one of alternating extreme boredom and terrifying chaos, so I normally stay safe in my bed on Groundhog Day with the shutters drawn, until well after the G-hogs have come and gone. When Punxatawny Phil comes out, I go underground! For me, it’s the safest bet. Just think of your most boring day. Would you want to repeat this day again and again and again until you succeed in learning some valuable life lesson?

Even worse – think of MY most boring day. Night watch on a love struck vampire, who just stares at his GF all night long without moving. Or a day long interview with a dessicated old-school zombie and a translator. Or worst of all, waiting for a human to find correct change to tip me on a 12-inch garlic sausage pie. These are not days that I want to repeat even once, let alone over and over again and again.

But something has happened today I woke up and it looked suspiciously like the one before. In short, I smell a G-hog curse. But how? How did it get me this year?

Consider two current schools of thought about the origin of the Groundhog Day Curse and decide for yourself.

Groundhog Day Curse Theory #1:

Some survivologists claim the Groundhog Day curse is the work of a witch, who either assumes groundhog form on this day or who has made a familiar of Punxsatawney Phil. Either way, the bewitched Groundhog picks those in need of a life lesson, cursing  them with a single beam of light from his eyes to a fate worse than death – to relive their most boring day, until the victim can discern and pass a goodness test of the witch’s devising.

Certainly there is some evidence to support this position. Witches are famous for issuing lessons in this fun and fatal way. And while it’s not common for a witch to have a rodent familiar – it’s certainly not impossible. They tend to stick with small, furry beings.

But consider the other point of view…

Groundhog Day Curse Theory #2

Some researchers believe that Groundhogs are actually a super-advanced Time Travelling species. That G-hogs live in a network of burrows connected by worm holes, jumping back and forth through time at will, unobtrusively taking notes about the world. This explains why they are so tired all the time. Time lag makes them grumpy. So when humans decided to start dragging them out for entertainment on this day, the grumpy groundhogs decided to have some fun of their own. Hence every groundhog in every town picks one human for time sport, sending them into a time loop to learn some important life lessons, primarily to be nicer to small time-travelling creatures.

What Does Groundhog Day Researcher Harold Ramis Say?

To answer this question definitively, we might turn to the survivological source, the writer/producer of that groundbreaking Groundhog Day 1993 documentary,  Mr. Harold Ramis himself.

Well you might, but you wouldn’t get an answer. Because if you asked Mr. Ramis, you would be sorely disappointed.  Mr. Ramis has publicly stated that he will never reveal the truth as he understands it. That he deliberately made a decision to hide the true source of the curse. No matter how many times you watch and re-watch his documentary. Why Mr. Ramis? Is the truth too terrifying to tell?, the origin of the truth is never revealed.

Until Mr. Ramis corrects the record, we can only speculate about the true answer and hope for the best.

Now if I can find a way to get out of this day I could tell you what I learned…