Heads up survivors it’s Groundhog Day, the groundhogs have come and gone it’s safe to come out and face the day without fear of being trapped in a terrible Groundhog Day Curse as in stuck forever in your most dreaded day!
Like many who lead lives of alternating extreme boredom and terrifying chaos, I stay safe in my bed on Groundhog Day with the shutters drawn, until well after the G-hogs have had their day. When the Punxatawny Phil comes out, I go underground! For me, it’s the safest bet. I mean, think of your most boring day. Would you want to repeat this day again and again and again until you succeed in learning some valuable life lesson?
Even worse – think of MY most boring day. Doing night watch on a love struck vampire, who just stares at his GF all night long without moving. Or a day long interview with a dessicated old-school zombie and a translator. Or worst of all, waiting for a human to find correct change to tip me on a 12-inch garlic sausage pie. These are not days that I want to repeat even once, let alone over and over again and again.
But how to defend yourself against a deadly groundhog curse? Well first and most importantly, you need to determine what kind of curse is it?
There are two current schools of thought about the origin of the Groundhog Day Curse. Please read and decide for yourself.
Groundhog Day Curse Theory #1:
Some survivologists claim the Groundhog Day curse is the work of a witch, who either assumes groundhog form on this day or who has made a familiar of Punxsatawney Phil. Either way, the bewitched Groundhog picks one being in need of a life lesson and curses them with a single beam of light from his eyes to relive their most boring day until the victim can discern and pass a goodness test of the witch’s devising.
Certainly there is some evidence to support this position. Witches are famous for issuing lessons in this fun and fatal way. And while it’s not common for a witch to have a rodent familiar – it’s certainly not impossible. They tend to stick with small, furry beings.
But consider the other point of view…
Groundhog Day Curse Theory #2
Some researchers believe that Groundhogs are actually a super-advanced Time Travelling species. That G-hogs live in a network of burrows connected by worm holes, jumping back and forth through time at will, unobtrusively taking notes about the world. (Void Chipmunks anyone?) This would explain why they are so tired all the time. Time lag makes them grumpy. So when humans decided to start dragging them out for entertainment on this day, the grumpy groundhogs decided to have some fun of their own. Hence every groundhog in every town picks one human for time sport, sending them into a time loop to learn some important life lessons, primarily to be nicer to small time-travelling creatures.
What Does Groundhog Day Researcher Harold Ramis Say?
To answer this question definitively, we might turn to the survivological source, the writer/producer of that groundbreaking Groundhog Day 1993 documentary, Mr. Harold Ramis himself.
Well you might, but you wouldn’t get an answer. Because if you asked Mr. Ramis, you would be sorely disappointed. Mr. Ramis has publicly stated that he will never reveal the truth. That he deliberately made a decision to hide the true source of the curse. No matter how many times you watch and re-watch this film you will never see the truth about where the curse came from. Why Mr. Ramis? Is the truth too terrifying to tell?
Until Mr. Ramis corrects the record, we can only speculate about the true answer. Meanwhile, unless you lead a breathtakingly exciting and wonderful life 100% of the time, I would advise you, like me to burrow underground today until the Groundhog Curse has had its way with somebody else!
An SOS truer than true story in progress, as I also work on This Week In Survival...thanks for your patience…by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com