Cool as a Cyborg

(SOS/ASAP/WTF) We can all agree that cyborgs and werewolves normally have very little in common, one being a hot-tempered lycomorph and the other a paragon of perfect reason.

But at the height of these dog days, in the wake of nasty solar flares, almost no other being can sympathize with a werewolf like your average cyborg.

(Except maybe zombies who experience a rapid acceleration of their already accelerated decay.)

Okay maybe they don’t exactly sympathize, after all they’re still cyborgs, but you get the idea. While werewolves struggle with the fury of fur, cyborgs in the city are crashing all around us these days, especially older models with obsolete cooling technology. You see them everywhere stalled in the shade with blank expressions, just waiting to be rebooted on a cooler day. Or roaming the stores, sucking up all the air conditioning in one location after another.

So if have a cyborg friend or a you are a cyborg, a reminder these days to wear your coolest clothes is in order. Like this cooling vest worn at the Beijing Olympics by cyborg competitors like this gold medalist in the hundred yard handsome. The vest circulates cooling fluid in a fun pattern that says, yeah I’m hot but I’m still cool…

But if you don’t want to run the risk – or expense  of a handsome high-tech unit like the one above, older model vests feature hidden pockets for cooling gel packs.

Just put them in the freezer at night and slip them in your pocket before you go outside. Sure you look a bit like a Walmart greeter, but so? That’s an honorable job and besides, it’s better to be cool than to look cool.

But on that note, why bother with a special vest at all? Why not invent your own personal polar technology?

Like this super highttech cooling hat for instance:

This hat uses the wonder of running H2O technology and the freezification potential of your own refrigerator to create a personal polar ice cap that is perfectly molded to the shape of your head. Simply soak and freeze the night before you need it.

But why stop at your cap? Why not soak and freeze your entire ensemble, from your tie to your undies? Okay, yeah, it’s a little hard to put it on. Sure, it loses some of its shape. But won’t it be worth it?**

Got any other tips or tricks to help us all survive the scorching days of  the dog? Thanks for sharing them and of course, thanks for keeping on.

**Some users may experience isolated episodes of brain freeze

***SOS not responsible for any short-circuits that may result from melting ice caps.