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You are here: Home / Survival News / Globe Faces Dark Declaration as Battle for the Light Continues

Globe Faces Dark Declaration as Battle for the Light Continues

December 27, 2013 By Seth 29 Comments

Dark yuletidings from parts of Canada and the USA, as the annual battle for the light drags on without resolution this season, the globe is facing the possibility of an official Dark Christmas declaration.

Kertaskinir steals the light
SCIA searching for suspect who goes by the name Kertaskinir

As seasoned survivors recall, keeping the light lit is an important part of Christmas for beings of many denominations around the globe. But the part many have forgotten is this – if the light doesn’t stay lit through Christmas, the dark can be declared victorious and the entire globe will face a Dark Year.

That’s right, an entire year of darkness. No sunrise, no sunset, no fireplace channel on Netflix. In fact, no Netflix at all.  Just a fun-filled year of scrounging for firewood in dark scary woods full of triumphant dark spirits who take every opportunity to laugh at you. It’s no fun.

Even vampires hate a year of darkness. And so do I. It’s the main reason I wage my annual defensive decorating campaign, to prevent this situation from occurring. (Well that and I love finely aged tree bacon.)

So what happened this year? Somebody put one too many lights on the Christmas Tree? Not enough Baconsil? Or part of a sinister demonic plot?

With road crews still working around the clock to restore power before a Dark Christmas can be officially declared, the SCIA (Santa Claus Intelligence Agency) is searching for a suspect, an Icelandic terrorist who goes by the name of Kertaskinir (see photo).

The lone man, described as a cross between a troll and a demon, is a known agent affiliated with a local cell known as the Yule Lads who fight on behalf of undisclosed spirits to defeat Christmas and bring a year of darkness and chaos.

Kertaskinir or “Kert” for short, is largely considered the most dangerous of the 13 terrorist trolls. His modus operandi is to strike on Christmas Eve, with a relatively straightforward strategy. That is to say, he goes straight for the lights.

A Dark Year doesn't have to mean no phone anymore.
Prepare for the Dark Year with a Power Pot.

In modern times Law enforcement had stopped taking old Kert seriously. writing him him off as an unsophisticated folkloric candle thief, whose skills seemed limited to Grinch-style tactics of petty vandalism and theft. You know, unplugging Christmas trees and smashing Christmas lights. Nobody suspected old Kert could develop the technology to mastermind a blackout of this magnitude, until now.

Anyone with information about this terrorist troll is being urged to contact their local authorities as soon as possible or leave the info below as

Meanwhile, I invite all survivors to begin preparing for the Dark Year ahead. Starting with this handy little Power Pot. Lucky for me, I found one under the tree this year. Mainly because I put it there but that’s okay it’s all about giving and this is what I gave myself – a pot that boils water and uses that energy to charge your phone or iPod or even your electric rollerskates at the same time. Thank you Seth, your very thoughtful. You’re welcome Seth.

Don’t let the Dark Year ahead get you down! If you haven’t given yourself the gift of this handy electricity generating piece of camp cookery, what are you waiting for?

 

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

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Filed Under: Survival News Tagged With: Christmas, Dark Year, Demons, Kertaskinir, Trolls, yule

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Fenrir Ulfangr says

    December 28, 2013 at 1:45 am

    You see they are not ready fine Then let them see…

    Cold be heart and hand and bone,
    Cold be sleep beneath the stone,
    Nevermore to wake again,
    Til stars burn out and sun is dead,

    Cold be life and Cold be Death,
    Cold be mortals’ final breath,
    Darkness comes now to invade,
    Carries with it the cold of the grave,

    Can you stand Against the Dark,
    or will you fall bearing its mark,
    The Darkness comes it comes to stay,
    And drive away the light of day.

    Do you see now the true nature of the enemy?

    Reply
  2. Fenrir Ulfangr says

    December 28, 2013 at 1:50 am

    Seth mabye you should be more worried about Cromh, the heart of the darkness and the consuming dark. For He is coming…
    and Whatever you do DO NOT SPEAK ITS NAME

    Reply
  3. hatter says

    December 28, 2013 at 2:43 pm

    seth if you get a Skype contact request from guardianr.s. please send that person a hey message they are a very good survival resource and I got my first site tag name from them so please contact via Skype the person with that Skype name you wont be sorry

    Reply
  4. Fenrir Ulfangr says

    December 28, 2013 at 11:01 pm

    I amy have gotten involved in fae politics and deposed one of their queens.

    Reply
    • Fenrir Ulfangr says

      December 29, 2013 at 4:12 pm

      Seriously Seth this gets nothing!!!

      Reply
  5. Matthewmega1 says

    December 29, 2013 at 6:20 pm

    Well eh This is not good I may of overloaded my Christmas tree with too much lights and I didn’t have enough bacon well actually I didn’t have any so I may be the one who did But I didn’t mean to
    Survive If you can….
    -matthewmega1

    Reply
  6. Matthewmega1 says

    December 30, 2013 at 11:43 am

    I seen Him I seen Kertaskinir After all he is my Great Grandpa And well ya I seen him

    Reply
  7. Lilith says

    December 30, 2013 at 8:46 pm

    Which of the 12 Artifacts do we have don’t we?

    Reply
    • Lilith says

      December 30, 2013 at 8:47 pm

      *and don’t we?

      Reply
  8. Fenrir Ulfangr says

    December 31, 2013 at 12:21 am

    I have the medallin of light and the frostbite blade. Odin has his spear and some others.

    We found one of the Orbs of Darkness and altered its alignment, now it is an orb of light

    Reply
    • Lilith says

      December 31, 2013 at 1:56 am

      The tide turns in our favor, but the Darkness draws near.

      Reply
      • Fenrir Ulfangr says

        December 31, 2013 at 1:58 am

        I can feel it but I have worked runes that restrict the darks abilities

        Reply
        • Lilith says

          December 31, 2013 at 2:01 am

          How long will they protect us from Cromh’s full power?

          Reply
    • Fenrir Ulfangr says

      December 31, 2013 at 2:10 am

      I must rest the dark moon drains me

      Reply
      • Lilith says

        December 31, 2013 at 2:13 am

        Be well friend. I shall prepare for battle.

        Reply
        • Fenrir Ulfangr says

          December 31, 2013 at 2:19 am

          AS I will, so shall it be

          Reply
  9. Fenrir Ulfangr says

    December 31, 2013 at 2:07 am

    Not long. I made one that will strike certain targets with fire when he does though.

    Reply
    • Lilith says

      December 31, 2013 at 2:10 am

      Good. Is everyone on board with this? When the battle begins there will be no turning back.

      Reply
  10. Scarlett Lupa says

    December 31, 2013 at 11:27 am

    Heh heh what a funny looking old man holding the lantern…oh right serious…gotta be serious…serious times call for being serious…just got to focus…heh heh funny looking man…dang it! Ok I don’t have a real good poker face whatsoever…just be serious…yah! I did it…whoops I didn’t…eh I tried right?

    Reply
    • Hatter says

      December 31, 2013 at 12:53 pm

      Hey scarlett I bet you can’t find out my original name oh and don’t ask Janus he’ll just keep quite about it

      Reply
      • Scarlett Lupa says

        December 31, 2013 at 1:00 pm

        Why do I want to waste my time trying to find out your original name? Besides do ya think I care anyways…no I do not so don’t bother me…

        Reply
        • Hatter says

          December 31, 2013 at 1:06 pm

          It’ll be very shocking when you find out

          Reply
          • Scarlett Lupa says

            December 31, 2013 at 1:09 pm

            Again still don’t care…now leave me alone I’m trying to be somewhat serious and not laugh at that man’s expression….dang it I failed again…

            Reply
            • Hatter says

              December 31, 2013 at 1:40 pm

              Just guess

              Reply
              • Scarlett Lupa says

                December 31, 2013 at 1:49 pm

                No…I really can’t keep a straight face when I listen to this song…cause then I think about this movie I watched and it was sooo funny…dang it…Plus I just read this email ravenclaw send me…gods she sure knows how to cuss…heh heh I think it’s funny…you know when you trying not to laugh but you do it anyways…I think that’s my problem…jeez I wanted to be serious eh I don’t care…yah the sun is out..and it stop snowing…it melted away…

                Reply
                • Hatter says

                  December 31, 2013 at 2:19 pm

                  You are officially weirder then the mad hatter I give up oh and matthewmega1 please reply to this comment with the name I gave to you though Skype

                  Reply
                  • Scarlett Lupa says

                    December 31, 2013 at 2:35 pm

                    Glad I set the score…really you shouldn’t be so judgmental I can’t help the fact that weirdness fits my personality…besides I think I gone over the edge…but I’m not exact over the edge completely…so something pulling me back…but maybe I’m loony because I haven’t slept for like almost four-five days I think…does it make me crazy if I try to blast my ears out so I can stay awake? Hmm that’s weird it seems that almost everything I’m saying doesn’t make any sense…cool…

                    Reply
  11. Scarlett Lupa says

    December 31, 2013 at 2:16 pm

    I did it!I did it! I kept a straight face for more then one minute…heh heh I feel accomplished…crap it’s snowing again…forget it I give up on being serious it’s boring…..

    Reply
  12. Scarlett Lupa says

    December 31, 2013 at 5:10 pm

    I’m bored…anyone care to chat…

    Reply

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