With Asteroid da14 due to arrive in the next 48 hours, earthbound aliens around the globe have begun packing their bags and racing to sites in Australia and Indonesia for a chance to hitch a ride home – making this your last chance to give that special alien in your life a V-alien-tine.
(Unsure if you or somebody you like could really be an alien? Scan them with The Monstrometer to find out for sure. Then read on.)
S-type asteroids like da14 serve as a radiation-proof shell for ISTC buses (Interstellar Transportation Corporation buses).
The da14 bus route orbits close enough to Earth to quietly pick up and drop off passengers and cargo, once a year, without all the fuss of landing.
This makes the movement of beings and goods both easier and safer plus the aliens don’t have to worry about parking and maintaining their own crafts with curious humans on the look out.
Aliens who leave earth aboard da14 will likely travel to the Oort Cloud Terminal at the edge of the solar system where they can catch a comet or a space craft to another destination, usually their home planet.
Most of these aliens are returning to their home planets with reports and recommendations about their time spent on here on Earth. The quality of these reports is then used by their respective species to determine how to proceed in their future relations with Earthlings.
And this year, the da14 bus just happens to be coming on Friday, right after Valentine’s Day.
That’s why, this year more than ever, if you have or know a nice alien, time to come clean and let that them know how you feel with a nice V-alien-tine before it’s too late. It won’t necessarily prevent them from returning with an Earth Obliteration Unit but it can’t hurt to try.
Er, unless you get too close. Do it for the planet! Just don’t get too close!
What a bunch of bull****.