Alien season always brings a full contingent of confused cosmic visitors normally recognizable by their baffling bodily needs and bizarre facial tics, despite their strange disguises but this year singularity conscious designers around the globe picking up their packing needs are putting out Faraday fashions that will make it harder than ever to tell who’s who at the alien zoo.
A Faraday cage or shield as you and Wikipedia both know is an enclosure formed by a charged conductive mesh that shields the interior from external electromagnetic radiation ie: shields you from remote detection. This is the main reason I only take calls in my refrigerator or my microwave, depending on the season. And possibly why I don’t get many calls anymore…
But I digress. The point is, that this year it’s easier than ever to hide your electronic footprint, not to mention your extra tentacles, with canny designers who are cashing in on the universal need for singularity security with Faraday fashions, with so-called Jammer Coats like this one.
The CHBL Jammer Coat is a fluffy Faraday moo-moo with hidden pockets for all your devices and extra appendages designed to make you disappear from the grid. The piece is made from metallised fabric that blocks radio waves and shields the wearer against tracking devices.
(Of course it can do nothing about the blank expressionless stare of a face that fits too tight owing to a bad skin job like this one. But I digress again.)
In a pinch the Jammer Coat also serves as a decent sleeping bag, perfect for anyone, human or alien, on the run. And that’s my main problem with the Jammer Coat.
It used to be relatively easy to spot the aliens among us. You just looked for the pale floating humanoid with the gold go-go boots. Or else the one with the house on her head.
But now when any poorly packed alien can just pick up a Jammer Coat at their local Costco, how will we ever know who’s packing a Tesla cannon or hoarding all the sausage samples?
The answer is that we won’t. The coats are also allegedly smell-proof.
That said, of course I intend to invest in one asap. After all, a Jammer Coat would be the perfect excuse for not answering calls or emails. It’s not me Naya, it’s the coat…
That last part was a joke. Mostly. Feel free to not call me maybe whenever you don’t even feel like it Naya…
And long may you keep on keeping on.by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com