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What’s New in Monstrometer 3.1

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Hail Survivors!

I know it has been a long time since I have posted and even longer since the Monstrometer was last updated. Both of those issues are about to be corrected and my long absence will soon be explained.

A new version of the Monstrometer is on the way in just a few short days.

Below behold the change log for Monstrometer 3.1:

  • Surprise major new announcements from SOS!
  • 64-bit code base to make scanning your friends (and frenemies!) even faster!
  • Now compatible with iOS 11 and all the new iPhone, iPad and iPod Touch models (even the iPhone X!)
    (minimum version of iOS is now 9 but if you have an older device you can still download previous versions)
  • Optimized for iPhone X and both 4.7″ and 5.5″ iPhones and the iPad Pro (all sizes).
  • Improved video playback!
  • Fixed a bug on iPad where scrolling to the end of the Lupine Life videos list was impossible.

Thank you for your patience and thank you keeping on keeping on.

More announcements coming soon! Below is a little sneak peek!

Survival yours,

Seth

What’s New in Monstrometer 3.0

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Hail Survivors!

The new long-awaited update to the Monstrometer is finally here.  See below for a tease of the new features.

Thanks for keeping on keeping on!

Seth

Get it on the App Store! https://itunes.apple.com/app/monstrometer/id335896676

New features and a redesigned interface to help you keep on keeping on.
Now a universal app for iPad, iPhone and iPod Touch – Optimized for 4″ tall iPhone screens, 3.5″ iPhone screens and iPad.
Updated for iOS7 (also supports iOS 6 and iOS 5) – (if you have iOS 3 or iOS 4 you can still download version 2.2)
Retina Display support with higher resolution graphics throughout.

A nearly 0.01% increase in scan sensitivity.
Now over 12.8% more accurate diagnosis
30+ new interrogation questions
Easier access to stats, monsters and links.
Easy access to all SOS supernatural survival resources (web site, videos, ebooks, apps and supernatural survival diagnostic tools).

New Lunar Phase tracker to help you survive

Watch HD videos from within the app!

Modernized code for improved performance, compatibility and stability.

Monstrometer3-Home

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The Hybrids: They Are Not Just a hybrid!

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In response to repeated gentle and polite requests from friend of the site, legendary survivor and Hybrid Mr. Mutt… I present to you… the preliminary page for Hybrids!… Ta da!

Now normally I don’t like to put things up unless I feel I can present the information with some completeness but due to the rarity of Hybrids the extremely small sample sizes (even for supernatural survivology research which is notorious for small sample sizes) have made it extremely challenging to gather sufficient data in a manner that I could feel fairly confident of my results. However the time has now come to reward Mr. Mutt’s patience and just put the page up already!

So for those of you wondering what a Hybrid is first of all I am going to tell you what they are not. They are not hybrids.

Well I mean I guess technically they are in the same sense that all squares are rectangles but not all rectangles are squares.

All Hybrids are hybrids but not all hybrids are Hybrids.

Confused? If so you are not alone.

Let me try to explain.

First of all a hybrid monster is a monster that is actually two (or more) types of monster at the same time. Some common examples are werewolf-vampire hybrids (sometimes known as werepyres and/or vampwolves) but they can be just about any combination. Cyborgs for example are sometimes considered hybrids because they are part human and part robot. Zombies however are not considered hybrids in supernatural survivology circles because their human part has been overwhelmed by their zombie part.

On the other hand Hybrids (always with a capital H) are a very specific type of combination. Vampire Werewolf and Angel. Not necessarily in that order. Perhaps Mr. Mutt can let me know some details that will help me put have some more specific info up on this page.

One thing I do know from all the Hybrids I have met they are all universally awesome. What’s that? How many have I met?… Well as far as I know just one, Mr. Mutt. Like I said small sample size. Anyways at various times there have been a lot more or a few more Hybrids kicking around but there have been a number of cataclysmic events that have significantly altered their population. I want to post some links here to those events but I am unsure where they are right now so I’ll put them up as soon as I find them… I know I left them somewhere.

Are you a Hybrid? Do you know a Hybrid? Are you a Hybrid scholar or just a survivor with facts to share or questions to ask? Have you ever seen a flaming flying wolf soaring overhead? Still confused? Think I just put up a page with not enough info on it?

Well if so then let me and the community of survivors know by posting in the comments below.

Also check back later for more information as it becomes available. Right now I have to go take Naya to watch a documentary about some form of gnome or something, I forget what it is called but I heard that there may be some footage of a dragon in it somewhere too so I am excited to go see it. However as excited as I am to go see it I am even more surprised that she suggested that we go see that. Normally she only wants to see “human” movies but it’s in 3D so maybe she likes that. Anyways I have to run so I’ll talk to you later.

Thanks,

Seth

Demons: You May Be Dealing With A Demon, Or a Daimon

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demonDangerSign-Small-opt

TOP THREE MYTHS ABOUT DEALING WITH DEMONS

(OR DAIMONS) :

MYTH #1: Saying “Bless You” when your friend sneezes will prevent demons entering his body.

CORRECTION: This can ONLY prevent English-speaking demons from entering his body! What about: “Gesunheit,” “A tes souhaites,” and “saúde?” You will never have time to cover them all. Demonologists are currently hard at work trying to find a universal demon-stopper word but until then it’s a crap shoot!

MYTH #2: Changing locations will NOT  help.

CORRECTION – Changing locations can sometimes help. Depends what kind of demon or daimon you have. For instance, try leaving your demon at home with a baby, say your first-born son.  They like that. If like me, you don’t happen to have one handy,  your demon may be impatiently waiting around for you to produce one. Try gently explaining to your demon that you are trying your best to uphold your end of the bargain and how this kind of pressure is not helpful nor conducive to either of you fulfilling the terms of your deal.

Of course none of this helps if YOU are the first-born son. If so, you may want to start looking for a loophole – is your mom really your mom? Where was she on the day you were born? Work with her to make up a plausible alibi and ask to see the details of your demonic contract.

Also, let’s talk about elevators here. And escalators. Hellevators and Hellscalators. Basically any mechanical conveyance to waaaaay downstairs – if you know what I mean!  Unlike angels, demons do not have functioning wings. And like many beings, they need a little help getting upstairs so to speak.

( Most demons are afflicted with one or more deadly sins – sloth for instance – and fun fact! –  Hell fires actually burn on left over fast food grease.)

Anyway, point is, recent research now shows a full 73% of elevators and an unknown number of escalators may in fact be claimed by demons who make use of them as portals to enter our world. If you can identify these Hellevators, you may be able to make use of them to help you with your problem.

(Please do not make use of a hell elevator without the help of a qualified elevator technician. Ask to see his or her license!)

MYTH #3: Demons or daimons must be driven out.

CORRECTION – The matter of whether a demon needs to be driven anywhere is up for debate. The idea that demons are just trouble-making spirits looking for a lift out of Hell has been debunked many times. These days most demons seem pretty capable of driving themselves and make use of our modern conventions to operate portals into our world.

So maybe you need to make friends with your demon. Get to know them and let them get to know the real you. After all, it’s YOU they want. So take long walks together. Talk to your demon. Sing your favorite song over and over without accompaniment.  Share the intimate minutia of your everyday life. Your every thought. What you ate today, how many trips to the bathroom, how that MEAN CLERK IGNORED YOU FOR, like, EVER!…

Watch as your demon learns to do the same. Ignore you forever that is.

Seriously though, new research by demonologists into the new field of “eudaimonics” which translates roughly as the study of inner demons, seems to indicate having a demon might not actually be so bad. Apparently the Greeks believed that each child was blessed with a personal demon or daimon who holds the key to the highest expression of his or her nature. This personal demon is believed to be the source of all personal knowledge and power in pursuits like the arts, physics and math. So learn to embrace your demon! Sure it’s hard. Sometimes they may cause you to projectile vomit and your head to spin around, but studies show if you can just get past that with your demon, it will be worth it. You and your demons can accomplish a lot if you just work together.

Of course if you and your daimon just can’t get along, you may need counselling or even a good separation procedure. I personally do not endorse exorcisms as I’ve never seen one that ended well. But don’t despair! While your average exorcist is probably a quack, there are qualified demon hunters out who know the locations and mechanisms of the demonic portals and how to operate them. A qualified demon hunter can contain your demon long enough to ship him or her away.

MYTH #3: Baby powder is a powerful demon deterrent.

CORRECTION: Only baby-powder huffers believe this. Demons and daimons love baby powder on their feet and even ah, OTHER parts. Putting baby powder on your bedroom floor is like asking a demon to dance.

~~~~~IF YOU ARE THE DEMON~~~~~

Well let’s say I know somebody – a friend let’s say, who has a supernatural survivalist show who REALLY wants to make more video episodes and who MAY be interested in making a deal. You know one of those riches and fortune type deals? (Not the supernatural musical skill kind – although that might be nice too.)

So if you’re not too busy signing contracts or whatnot,  I hope you’ll contact me on the site and maybe we can work something out. I mean hopefully my friend can work something out with you…

Did This Man Bring Down UFO?

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(SOS/ASAP/WTF) A controversial former UFO denier is finally coming clean. This retired Air Force Colonel, Richard French, finally admits his involvement in shooting down a UFO in Roswell, New Mexico.

But many aliens, including offended UFO pilots, are shooting down his story.

Man confesses to bringing down Roswell UFO with EMP. But is he talking trash? 

To summarize: Richard French said he was undergoing a test for the air force way back in 1947 when not one but two UFOs were spotted, within a few days of each other in Roswell, New Mexico. The first UFO was shot down by an experimental EMP weapon and a couple of days later, he says, another alien ship came around looking for the first one and also crashed.

Humans making fun of alien pilots?

French isn’t sure how the second UFO crashed, if it was also shot down or if it just experienced technical difficulties – but he is pretty sure why:

“We think that the reason they were in there at that time was to try and recover parts and any survivors of the first crash. I’m [referring to] the people from outer space — the guys whose UFO it was.”

Colonel French recalls seeing in photos that pieces of the downed ship had Arabic-style writing on it that looked like numbers.

Years later, in the fifties, Colonel French became part of Project Blue Book, his job to debunk UFO stories like the ones about the UFO crashes in Roswell.

“We gave our analysis and tried to debunk it by saying it was swamp fog or that the thing they saw was actually hanging on wires.”

So why the sudden change of heart? Read on…

Many insightful aliens including several here on this site whose comments you can read below, say Richard French’s story doesn’t fly. In fact, they are very offended.

UFO Pilots Association calls story provocative propaganda.

“What self-respecting UFO pilot – let alone TWO UFO pilots – could successfully navigate through space to this tiny, little blue planet, only to fall victim to scary 1940’s human technology. Think about it. We’re talking vacuum tubes and pocket calculators as big as gymnasiums. If I didn’t know better, I would say the humans are taunting us, trying to start a fight,” says one UFO Pilot.

As you will see in the comments below, his sentiments are clearly echoed by many survivors here. Is this retired Colonel talking trash in an effort to start that intergalactic war the economists have been asking for?

If so, he may have hit pay dirt on this one. Aliens are clearly irritated by this propaganda. There’s been a sudden and unexplained global onslaught of alien activity. Survival is currently over-run with reports from survivors are trickling in from around the globe.

Lightning Moon: Survivor of the Month

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It’s a well-known fact more new werewolves will experience their first transformation under it than any other month of the year. Very appropriate considering it’s the Dog Days first brought the new Survivor of the Month. See if you can guess who it is:

CLUES:

1. This survivor’s improvised weapon of choice is a frying pan.

2. This survivor started wearing a little silver bracelet to prevent uncontrolled transformations.

3. This survivor blew the lid off anti-lycanthropic orthodontics and created an anti-braces movement here on the site.

If you haven’t guessed it by now it’s…

HOWLIN’ WITH WEREWOLF GIRL AKA: SCAR

How appropriate that Werewolfgirl AKA: Scar (her WW name) would be Survivor of the Month for the Dog Days Moon since it’s during the Dog Days that she made her first appearance on the site.

At the time WWgirl suspected that she might be a genetic WW but she had not experienced her first transformation yet.  She had many signs of lycanthropy. She couldn’t sleep at night, she experienced free-floating fits of were-rage and worst of all, she had recently discovered that she loved to howl at the moon – in human form.

Needless to say, WWgirl was pretty worried that one of her neighbors was going to alert the police. Or worse, the Paranormal Police. Or worse yet, Area 51. Or worse, worse than that, upload an embarrassing youtube video.

It was a bit of a mystery to the other WWs on the site though because we did try to reassure her that it was normal to howl at the moon in human form, but in truth, most WWs only howl in WW form. As we tried to figure it out, she wondered if her parents had ordered anti-lycanthropic orthodontics to prevent her transformation. That her braces contained a silver coating that was enough to restrain her transformation.

Many WWs on the site became concerned and looked into the situation, leading to the astonishing news that yes, in fact some unscrupulous orthos were in collusion with anti-lycan forces to try to prevent young WWs from transforming. Their theory, and we still don’t know if it’s true, is that by preventing a WW’s first transformation long enough, the lycanthropy genes will go dormant in adulthood.

Fortunately, or unfortunately, for WWgirl it didn’t work. The pull of the Dog Star overcame the pull of the silver in her braces and she experienced her first transformation around this time one year ago, and the WWgirl became Scar.

For a while Scar could only type with her claws on the site and as a result her messages became mainly pictograms like the one below.

(=´∀｀)人(´∀｀=)

Whenever I get a call about a WW sighting I keep my eyes open for markings like these, so I will know if it was Scar. (Although I still won’t know what it means. I need a werewolf translator…)

There have been several (unconfirmed) reports of her distinctive claw marks on fences and trees and even in one human’s face – but they are only unconfirmed rumors.

Anyway after a while Scar got the hang of controlling her transformations using a silver bracelet and she stops by the site regularly. She has a soft spot for humans who dream of becoming werewolves. Werewolfgirl will never bite the uninitiated, but she researches and shares alternative ways to acquire lycanthropy.  Like this information about a baptismal ritual said to induce lycanthropy in otherwise average humans. She also checks in regularly to see if there’s anything she can do to help out, which I really appreciate and so do many other survivors.

An Interview with WWgirl AKA Scar:

**Please note, WWgirl Scar is not the most talkative interview subject. Her answers are a little evasive and they raise many more questions that you might like to ask her.  

1.  Which family member is the source of your lycanthropy? How long has lycanthropy been in your family?

I think my Dad. 

2. How do you use the silver bracelet to control your transformations? (If you still do.)

I lost the bracelet, sadly.

3. Do you still hide your lycanthropy from your family and friends?

Not really, I haven’t  transformed yet , so no need. ***

What the…?  Can she be believed? Is WWgirl covering her tracks?  Especially considering her answer to the next question…

4. Can you tell us anything about a mission you are on or have been on lately?

I haven’t done much, except maybe almost kill some mean people.

5. If you had to be stranded on a desert island with one other supernatural being who would it be and why?

um…I’m not sure. Maybe you, if you count…

See how she turned the interview around on me? Clever WWgirl very clever.

Thanks for keeping on. Any info we can gather to clarify this interview, I hope you will post it below.