EXPECT PSYCHO STALKER SQUALL
(SOS/ASAP/WTF) Get out of bed if you dare today, it’s the most most dread day of the year… you know…
Valentine’s Day. I mean Friday the 13th. Part V.
Of course I don’t mean part five of one of my favourite movie franchises, which would in fact be scary awesome as opposed to the real scarifrying prospect of a Friday One-Three right before Valentine’s Day. Not one but two unlucky holidays devoted to psycho stalkers, back to back, each amplifying the effect of the other.
Let’s review. St. Valentine’s Day, more accurately known as STALKER DAY, remains the second scariest holiday founded on a grisly public execution that we celebrate. It was actually St. Valentine himself, imprisoned for his heinous crime of marrying young people, who first discovered the obsessive love that still marks the day. The kind of love that can only lead to anonymous flower deliveries, bad poetry, suspicious chocolates, dead pets and/or endless legal wrangling.
At least that’s what everybody brought St. Valentine in prison. Dude was a sitting duck for every love struck loon within pilgrammaging distance of his prison cell. And back then-a-days the logistics of stalking were daunting. Your average stalker had to first train his own snail to deliver his unwanted mail and/or ride for days on end with a load powertools and roses that usually died enroute.
Contrast that to today, when anyone with a valid pay card and a reliable internet connection can become a dangerous stalker with a few clicks and taps lapses in higher judgement and higher emotion. At a time when it has become so easy for anyone to unleash their inner stalker, your life may depend on stalker-proofing this Valentine’s Day. I’m
not saying all stalkers are killers. Some of them are just people hired to refill shelves at night. Some of them are just Graham.
But keep in mind the corollary, a high percentage of serial killers are in fact or were at one time, stalkers. That’s why I urge you today to review FRIDAY ONE-THREE V RULES FOR STALKER SELF DEFENCE.