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You are here: Home / 2015 / Archives for March 2015

Archives for March 2015

Anti-Vampire Party Planning – The Monstrometer Report

March 31, 2015 By Seth 23 Comments

VAMPIRE PROOF YOUR PARTY BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE!

Whether you’re planning to attend a Halloween party later tonight, or planning one yourself, take a minute – actually 1.5 minutes – to watch this before you unlock the door to an unwanted guest of the undead kind! Your survival is guaranteed 99.93%*

*Some restrictions apply. Please read fine print below.

Thanks for keeping on keeping on. More Monstrometer Reports to come…

*Offer not valid for employees, family and friends of Seth on Survival. Void on Friday the 13th, Halloween, St. Patrick’s Day, Black Noodle Day, Cinco de Mayo, Valentines Day, New Years Day, Groundhog Day, Buddhist Festival of the Tooth, Christmas, April Fools Day, Solstice, Equinox, Thanksgiving, Sinter Klaas Day, Ninja Day, Talk Like A Pirate Day, Chanukah…

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Filed Under: Monstrometer Reports Tagged With: Monstrometer, Monstrometer Report, Solstice

Beware the Bunny Man Easter Alert

March 29, 2015 By Seth 88 Comments

Easter brings the bunny man.
Easter brings the Bunny man.

When he lived in Virginia, USA,  the Bunny Man or Bunnyman worked in a chocolate factory in Fairfax county as a mascot in a white bunny suit. His job was simple, to promote a newly invented product – white chocolate.

The Bunny Man’s real identity was a closely guarded secret but everybody was happy and excited to meet him when he appeared on holidays, including Easter to give away his hugs and free samples of white chocolate. As one of the world’s first mascots, the Bunny Man quickly became famous.

But in October, 1970 things began to fall apart for the Bunny Man. The world just wasn’t ready for white chocolate and especially not here, in Fairfax County, home of the famous chocolate festival. White chocolate just didn’t make sense to them. How could you have chocolate without, well, chocolate?

When the company’s explanations sounded frankly racist to many and it was observed that the Bunny Man mascot resembled nothing more than a member of the KKK itself.

This was the last straw. Both white chocolate and Bunny Man got the axe…

Losing his job and his fame pushed the Bunny Man inside the mask over the edge. They gave him the axe so…

That’s when the Bunnyman put down his Easter basket and picked up an axe of his own. Bunnyman historian Brian A. Conley documents the very real police reports of the man in the white bunny costume who began attacking people in parked cars with this axe, smashing through their windows and threatening to kill them.

Is the Bunny Man demon lurking in your white chocolate rabbit?
Beware the Bunny Man in your white chocolate rabbit.

But after 50 reported incidents and no deaths yet, police eventually dismissed the Bunny Man as a harmless if crazy vandal. This further insult had a devastating effect on the real Bunny Man.  He would have to up his game. Dead bunnies were reported hanging from trees. Worse, his wife and children were reportedly found dead on Easter Sunday.

Nobody knows exactly how or when Bunny Man killed himself. Did he really throw himself off the Bunnyman Bridge? It is named after him. Or did he jump in front of the train? Or did he, as many now believe, actually drown himself in a giant vat of white chocolate after sneaking into the factory one night? <<— As a totally impartial supernatural survivologist, you probably can’t even tell which one I believe.

Nobody knows for sure but it’s clear the real Bunny Man had passed because his spirit began appearing everywhere. These sightings are well-documented by others, but my job as an impartial scientifically certified supernatural survivologist is to talk about How to Beat the Bunny Man, so you can enjoy your holiday horde without fear!

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Filed Under: Survival News Tagged With: Bunny Man, Bunnyman, Easter

Supermoon Night of Three

March 20, 2015 By Seth 2 Comments

Three Cosmic Phenoms Converging on Supermoon

The Storm Moon rises tonight on three converging cosmic phenomenon: the spring equinox, a supermoon and a solar eclipse, bringing with it the possibility of solar flares, wind storms and other mysterious phenomenon.

3 Cosmic Events Converge
3 Cosmic Events Converge Tonight

In case any SOS readers need reminding of the power in the number 3, in brief consider the following: the trinity, three wishes, three guesses, three day rule of the full moon, three point one four… not to mention the infinitely more common but just as powerful three strikes in baseball. Threes exert a profound pull in our lives.

So as these three cosmic phenomenon converge, I would urge all survivors wherever you are, to observe carefully and look for the threes around you. One of them might be more powerful than you expect.

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Filed Under: Survival News Tagged With: Eclipse, Perigee, Supermoon

LEPRECHAUN TRICKSTER RELEASES JUICY NEW CLUE

March 16, 2015 By Seth 2 Comments

Will Treasure Hunters End Up “All Wet?”

Santa Fe leprechaun Forrest Fenn added a juicy new clue about the location of his treasure chest full of gold and jewels in time for St. Patrick’s day, but some think the trickster is playing games with the world and has either forgotten the location of his treasure or that it doesn’t exist at all.

To review, famous leprechaun Forrest Fenn claims to have hidden a treasure chest full of gold and treasure that includes his 17th century Spanish emerald ring, a ruby-studded bracelet, small diamonds and other items somewhere in Santa Fe. He released a book and poem full of clues about its location.

On the trail of Forrest Fenn’s treasure

Now a leprechaun losing his gold is not news. They do it all the time, everyone knows that. The only thing more common than a leprechaun lifting your pants or your shoes is a leprechaun looking for his lost loot.

(Rainbow power is the problem here. Rainbows provide for quick treasure teleportation but once a rainbow disappears  – and they disappear fast – it’s really hard to find the exact geo-coordinates again.)

While young leprechauns are learning to solve this problem with new technology, Mr. Fenn is an old school leprechaun. He leaves encrypted clues for himself in a poem and a book to help him remember where he buried it. It’s a traditional leprechaun trick, and like many traditional leprechauns, with time Mr. Forrest Fenn forgot what it all meant.

And this year Forrest has added a new clue to the mix and here it is: if you could stand on his treasure you would see mountains and trees and you would be “all wet.”

He claims that adding this juicy new clue to his previous 9 clues (see below) and reading his book will help you to find his million dollar treasure and that you can keep it.

But critics say you might just be leading the forgetful Mr. Fenn to his lost loot or even that the treasure doesn’t exist at all because Mr. Fenn is just playing a big trick on the world designed to sell his book.

This St. Patrick’s day, you can check out the hidden clues in Forrest Fenn’s poem below and decide for yourself if it’s worth the risk of getting “all wet.” If you decide to join the hunt, be sure and check behind you at all times for Forrest himself and carry a good supply of four leaf clovers. And er, don’t start by calling all the homes of people named “Brown,” in the Santa Fe area. Trust me, they hate that!

Forrest Fenn lost his loot again – will he really let you keep it?

As I have gone alone in there
And with my treasures bold,
I can keep my secret where,
And hint of riches new and old. 

Begin it where warm waters halt
And take it in the canyon down,
Not far, but too far to walk.
Put in below the home of Brown.

From there it’s no place for the meek,
The end is drawing ever nigh;
There’ll be no paddle up your creek,
Just heavy loads and water high.

If you’ve been wise and found the blaze,
Look quickly down, your quest to cease
But tarry scant with marvel gaze,
Just take the chest and go in peace.

So why is it that I must go
And leave my trove for all to seek?
The answers I already know
I’ve done it tired, and now I’m weak

So hear me all and listen good,
Your effort will be worth the cold.
If you are brave and in the wood
I give you title to the gold.

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Filed Under: Survival Resources Tagged With: candy monsters, Leprechauns

Zombie Actors Guild Hails Cornell Research

March 1, 2015 By Seth 15 Comments

“Humans see a new study and go all goo brain,”

-Gnargh Johnson, Zombie Actors Guild.

New statistical simulations done by Cornell University concludes humanity would be “largely doomed,” in the event of a full-scale zombie outbreak and offers the advice to get your zombie on fast or slow, by either a) heading to the Rocky mountains to see the very final stages or b) shamble downtown for a quick trip to your impending zombiehood.

But President of the Zombie Actors Guild Gnargh Johnson hopes humanity will take a very different message from these conclusions.

“Once again you humans see a study, and go all goo brained while missing the real point.

Head for the hills to be the last human!
Head for the hills to be the last human!

“What this study really shows is that if  zombies like me really wanted to take out humanity, if we really wanted to destroy humanity… we would have done it by now!?”

“All we really want is some basic undead human rights. Like a decent dental plan.Is that too much to ask for in exchange for all the great films and TV we help you humans make?” added Gnargh before hanging up on me and reminding me that my dues are overdue.

Have to admit – Gnargh makes a good point  here but a closer look at the Cornell study reveals some serious flaws in their parameters and zombie categories. You can have a look at their research here and decide for yourself.

Or join me in San Antonio, Texas on March 5 when the Cornell University researchers will present their full findings on the zombie apocalypse to the 2015 American Physical Society.

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Filed Under: Survival Resources Tagged With: zombie, zombie apocalypse

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Joe's

Zombie Outbreak in Texas!!!

Hail Survivors!

I recently received a very grave -no pun intended- warning from Survivor Miles who I believe may be located in or near Texas. Survivor Miles recently survived a vicious zombie attack, armed with only his wits and hedge clippers. His parents unfortunately were not so lucky.

Read more here: Zombie Attack!!!

Seth

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