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You are here: Home / 2014 / Archives for March 2014

Archives for March 2014

Did Professor “Spooky At A Distance” Discover or Create 92 More Dimensions?

March 31, 2014 By Seth 28 Comments

Scientists playing with photons revealed the existence of 103 dimensions this week, a stunning 92 more dimensions than previously reported, while critics suspect a teleporting super-scientist may in fact be creating these worlds in the first step to cloning himself 103 times.

The teleporting Professor may have already cloned himself 103 times this week.
Has the teleporting professor cloned himself 103 times?

A Spanish team led by famous teleportation professor Anton Zeilinger announced this week they successfully entangled two photons into 103 superpositions, meaning they caused just two light particles to exist in 103 different dimensions at the exact same time. It opens the door to all kinds of spooky quantum super-possibilities, from supercomputers to super encryption and even cloning.

Just look at the man in charge. Professor Zeilinger, whose knickname is Professor Spooky At A Distance,  is a mad teleporting genius who has publicly admitted to inadvertently creating realities just by trying to study and measure reality. So when he says they discovered 103 dimensions, doesn’t he actually mean that he has created them for his own arcane ends?

Many of his students certainly think so.

“Professor Z? It wouldn’t surprise me,” stated one student who requested anonymity pending her final marks in his class. “He’s always on about his failed teleporting cups of coffee experiments, how he could never get the handle right. Or the cup. You have to be really careful in his classes. It could rain hot decaf at any moment.”

Another student suspects the prof would be trying to clone himself.

“Professor Zeilinger is obsessed with creating what he calls spooky action at a distance, like using carbon atoms to transfer properties from one being to another instantaneously. As a carbon-based being myself, I get a little nervous around him.”

His sister agrees. “Anton was always removing the arms and legs from my dolls and swapping them around,” she said. “It would be just like him to go and make clones in a hundred dimensions.”

Journalist Kevin Hull argues the key to understanding Professor Zeilinger’s motivation is fully revealed in his youtube video where the professor waxes nostalgic about many other lives he would like to lead, for instance as a jazz musician and a sailor.

Personally I have another theory. Professor Z has repeatedly stated that he dreams of creating a super-university for other superscientists just like him. Maybe in fact exactly like him. Like maybe just, him. Times 103. 

“Matter itself is completely irrelevant,” says the professor himself. “If you swap all my carbon atoms for other carbon atoms, I am still Anton Zeilinger.”

And now there could 103 Anton Zeilingers coming soon to a dimension near you. So keep your eyes open survivors and if you see this man be aware you could be dealing with an interdimensional clone.

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Filed Under: Survival News

SOS Alert: White Chocolate Bunny Has Creepy Cottontail INSIDE

March 29, 2014 By Seth 6 Comments

If you receive a white chocolate bunny that looks at all like the one in this photo, think twice before you nibble nice because that probably isn’t jelly beans inside, it’s a creepy cottontail  demon coming to get you.

Who is it? And what is its plan? An SOS community alert.

Ghastly Easter Bunny Reports
Ghastly Easter Bunny Sighting

According to sources on this website, if your chocolate bunny resembles this one,  forget nibbling on ears and feet to make it last – your only defence is a good sledge hammer, because inside it is something far more sinister than jellybeans. There’s this ancient evil Easter Bunny spirit, coming to take you away.

Don’t end up like the poor kid in this historic photo. Prepare to pulverize your white chocolate bunny before this confectionized creeper pops out to kidnap you.

Take it from survivors below.

“His weakness: Sledge Hammers. A blow to the arms, say “Unhand that child!” advises ?wolf. “Straight to the head with the hammer.”

Reports around the globe are trickling in from white chocolate bunny recipients who were unaware of the danger, and began nibbling, only to find themselves in a fight for their lives when this masked menace materialized from within the hollow interior.

So if you or somebody you love received a white chocolate rabbit, please don’t take any chances. No nibbling the ears and feet and saving the rest for later. Take ?wolf’s advice and SMASH with a sledgehammer. Then and only then can you be sure this tiny trojan rabbit doesn’t appear.

Remember smashed chocolate tastes just as good as un-smashed chocolate – and a whole lot better than changeling slavery in a ghostly or faerie dimension or even 365 days in the underworld which is undoubtably where you will end up if you don’t smash before your gnash.

Meanwhile, I am combing the candy sales with a hammer today on the lookout for white chocolate rabbits. More later.

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Filed Under: Survival News Tagged With: Easter Bunny

This Week In Survival March 29, 2014

March 29, 2014 By Seth 117 Comments

Earth Hour survival protocol is in effect This Week In Survival.  Did you survive the Great Unplugging that began at 8:30 local time? What did you see when the lights went down?

(Any SHADOWS?)

Countdown to Earth Hour
Earth Hour Survival

The Earth Hour is an especially dangerous one for cyborgs and other beings who rely on battery back up but also for every other Earthling as celebrants everywhere set the dark world ablaze with analog fire to the amusement of the aliens among us. Is your flint kit ready? I know mine is and this year I’m determined to make it work.

With Earth Hour over SOS is celebrate with week #2 of the 4 MILLION MOON PRIZES. Congrats to winning survivors last week AGENT R.B. and BLUESTAR, well deserved recipients of a small but heartfelt iTunes gift card and a free copy of Archie Hartigan and the Frost Wolf, respectively.

Who will win this week? Find out here by midnight, EST (below). If you haven’t entered already, there’s lots of ways to do so, just follow this link and pick any way that works for you. It’s totally free. Your clicks and likes and tweets and reviews are all I need to keep on keeping on with SOS and The Monstrometer Report and it even helps yourlupinelife too. With two weeks left and a grand prize draw, you want to get your email into the draw as many times as you can.

Meanwhile let’s see what’s been happening here on the site and what 4 Million Moon memories I can find….

This Week In Survival Under Construction (except during Earth Hour)…

SHADOWY ADVICE: 

–>> Do you see the shadows? MSURPRISE has been seeing them since birth. What does that mean? Which is worse, seeing them when you shouldn’t or not seeing them when everyone around you has one? Is there a bright side to seeing shadows?

SEEKING MERMISH ADVICE:

–>>Any mer Survivors spare a word for BLACK LAGOON? Please follow the link. (And many thanks to you Firefang.)

UFO TWO-ONE-FIVE:

–>> Somebody taking advantage of Earth Hour to jack a space craft? Or something worse? Get to the bottom of this report from HATTER and others. Is AGENT R.B. really a neo-Noah? The so-called Stiff Man envisaged to by LILITH? If so who is he going to take on that ship? And what do underworld apples have to do with this? I was hoping that’s how you could get a ticket but what happened to MUTT when he tried to get to the bottom of it? Please stand by….

–>> Wait. Could this the real reason for those cryptic London messages? I was betting on leprechauns but reading this report now I don’t know…

–>> Well don’t look to FENRIR for any reassurance. Nothing he likes better than a good old fashioned apocalypse sign narrated in scary poetry…

4 MILLION MOON MEMORIES:

In honor of Earth Hour take a minute to recall with me a few of the druidic aliens who once dwelled among us, just a few million survivors ago including:

–>> ANDRATERRA NIGHTSHADE set me straight with a few facts about the aliens known as “Agratians” who were her friends. As far as I could tell, Agratians are sometimes sent to Earth as a kind of punishment by their rulers and think the only redeeming thing about this prison planet is surfing and sniffing soda bubbles. (Although they hate the fresh water here. It gives them humongous hives. Which is one way you can uncover them.) Anyway, I think she served her time here, hung out and surfed with a few mermaids and probably left on a craft during the last Olympics.  She was related to another famous survivor I talk about a lot including whenever I am asked to testify at a senate congressional hearing about aliens:

–>> BELLADONNA JADE ASPHODEL NIGHTSHADE  Survivors lucky enough to take a dreamcation tour with her Highness probably still have an Amulet of Light and/or a souvenir t-shirt to remember it. I’ve been meaning to talk to her though because my amulet is not always active. It appears and disappears according to some rhythm I haven’t yet determined. Does it have something to do with the proximity of her druidic dimension to ours? (Which reminds me, I guess I should be specific here. She is a visitor from m-space, not outer space which Druids like her actually fear.)

–>> DAZAI was a punchy plant alien with a heart of chlorophyll who came here on a research mission but not-so-secretly wanted to take over the Earth. He hated humans but liked the trees, spending hours in the forest talking to them about the Planatalians future Earth colonization plans. Although Dazai eventually departed to file his report back on Planatos, he left a lot of botanophobic survivors behind – including me.

Midnight brings first 4 Million Moon Winners
Midnight brings first 4 Million Moon Winners

4 Million Moon Prize Announcement

THE DRAW IS DONE!

WEEK 2 WINNERS ARE:

WOLF OF THE WILDMOON 12

THE REAPER

Thanks to everyone for entering this week. All names/emails go back in for the Grand Prize draw. Keep on keeping on entering for next week. Follow this link to find out all the ways you can enter the 4 Million Moon Contest. It’s easy and free to do. Every review, comment, like, follow or mention puts your email in the hat again next week. Plus all that social media mojo helps SOS survive.

See you soon Survivors!

Seth

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Filed Under: Contests, Survival News Tagged With: 4 Million Moon, This Week In Survival

The Monstrometer Report from Seth On Survival

March 28, 2014 By Seth Leave a Comment

Just two minutes a day will keep the zombies away – not to mention the ghosts, cyborgs and leprechauns. Unless of course you happen to be one. Each episode of the Monstrometer Report examines a different supernatural threat and gives you the tools that you need to survive it.

Hosted by Seth Greening, the Monstrometer Report has saved millions of lives from certain supernatural destruction with a mix of Monstrological news and views from around the world accumulated with the help of his supernatural threat detector app The Monstrometer.

Officially saving lives since 2009 with his series Seth On Survival, web site  http://sethonsurvival.com and free iOS app The Monstrometer, Seth also appears in the series “My Lupine Life” By Louis Pine and his first ebook Archie Hartigan and the Frost Wolf was released last April.

Keep on keeping on with The Monstrometer Reports at sethonsurvival.com. And if you survive, please subscribe.

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Kurogane Survivor of the Month, March 2014

March 28, 2014 By Seth 7 Comments

SOS Survivor of the Month
Survivor of the Month
Kurogane

About Bit About Kurogane, Necromancing Cyberwolf

1. This survivor has been keeping on for almost 6 months, not always saying much, but his detailed and helpful comments and questions indicate he might be strong enough to carry the curse until the next full moon.  But will he be? Or will the curse prevail and the prize fall? (So far it’s a draw, as I scramble to get an iTunes SoTM number in Singapore for the first time on the site… Australia, England, South Africa, America, Canada… none of them were this hard.) 

2. At one time I thought Kurogane might be a demonic pet dealer because he appears to know a lot about demonic pets and demonic transport lines. Is it a coincidence that abandoned demonic vehicles keep turning up near him? But he is actually a genetic werewolf on both sides of his family. Specifically, a necromancing cyberwolf. He even has a theme song…

3. Alerted the site to the dangers of radioactive plutonium weapons after his pack caught a certain Vonderblack Vanhellio whose hunter guide was protected by it.  Is there an antidote yet? Trying to contact the Radioactive Wolfman of Ukraine Dr. Vadim Siderovich to find out. 

4. Once sent me an important warning about the Frost Moon that read as follows:

Beware the winds of frost, or thine soul may be brought to the abyss darker than the clammy hands of death himself. To ensure your survival you must follow these instructions I am about to give. Seth, during the frost moon is when the line between the realms of hell and earth are skewed. You must be extremely careful. To ward of these ill meaning spirits you must line the outside of your home with salt and holy water. Do the same for the rooms in your house.do not break these lines.you have been warned.

And well, I am still here. I think… So it must have worked.

Reminder from Kurogane to stock up...
Reminder from Kurogane to stock up on holy water and store it in a brown glass bottle for the next Frost Moon.

5. Also had – or has – both a vampire GF and a zombie GF. Actually the zombie was a human he resurrected – normally a solid relationship move – but it’s unclear how that’s working out.

Oh wait… belated update….

6. Not great. Does this explain his very clearly expressed hatred for cupids here? And for the record, I for one give great relationship advice! 

7. Makes the startling claim that zombies crave not brains, not rotten cauliflower heads but hydrangea leaves.

*Please note this is entirely unconfirmed.

8. Recently acquired a nice cyborg arm that works in both WW and human form which he may be offering for sale here.  Anyone need a cybernetic limb? Follow the link and hit reply.

9. Has a device called the Heart of Eve keeping him alive which like many of the more awesomer devices, sounds equally poetic and creepy. It distills pure emotions into life force. And er, it seems to require certain organic parts so any human females on the site are well advised to be very wary of Kurogane.

10. Seems to have a longstanding aquaintance-ship with Lilith who seems to have something on him. The details are sketchy but involve zombie samurai.

If you see Kurogane on the site, why not say hi or leave a message for him here. If he survives the Survivor of the Month curse, he may even reply – or sell you a lightly used cybernetic limb!

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March Mystery Messages Prof Offers Cash Prize If You Crack The Code

March 24, 2014 By Seth 15 Comments

Intriguing Internauts today, a series of mysterious messages in an unknown script discovered on a university campus, has prompted one prof to offer a cash prize to anyone who can help him crack the code but are the messages really worth much, much more than a mere one hundred dollars?

Can you crack the code?
Can you crack the code?

A series of 16 strange messages have been discovered by different people in a library at the University of Western Ontario, in London, Canada. The messages, all stuck between the pages of various books contain a series of unexplained symbols and at least one relic made of an ordinary item, like a leaf a feather or a button.

“I’d taken a book off the shelf on international economics,” said Mike Moffat, the professor who is offering the prize today. “Inside the book was an envelope. I immediately thought somebody had been using it as a book mark.”

But when he opened the envelope, Professor Moffat found this note –>>

After the professor began blogging about the note, other note-finders came forward, bringing the total of notes found to 16, all of which you can view online here. 

Theories range from alien poetry to witch’s spells but so far the script has defied the efforts of all the university’s best cryptographers – at a university known for having the best cryptographers it should be noted.

If you have a theory, Professor Moffat is offering a hundred dollar prize if you crack the code. But is the message really worth far more than one hundred dollars? Could they in fact be the key to a hidden treasure?

I wrote the professor with my theory and I don’t mind sharing it with you here in brief. As we all know, March is the month of the leprechauns, when they finally get outside to bury new treasure and search for the old. Leprechauns are famous for two things. Burying treasure and forgetting where they buried it. That’s why they leave cryptic clues for themselves and other leprechauns. Leaves? Feathers? Buttons? Smells like leprechaun to me. It would be just like a leprechaun to leave clues like this in an economics library.

If I’m right – and I’m 91,98% sure that I am right –  then these notes are worth far more than one hundred dollars. They could provide the clues you need to find a leprechaun’s buried treasure. And that’s where you’ll find me this week, on the London leprechaun trail. Join me and share in the treasure.

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Filed Under: Survival News Tagged With: Leprechauns

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I recently received a very grave -no pun intended- warning from Survivor Miles who I believe may be located in or near Texas. Survivor Miles recently survived a vicious zombie attack, armed with only his wits and hedge clippers. His parents unfortunately were not so lucky.

Read more here: Zombie Attack!!!

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