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You are here: Home / 2014 / Archives for February 2014

Archives for February 2014

Ready At Rainbows End Leprechaun Survival Lessons From The Saddle Ridge Hoard

February 28, 2014 By Seth 27 Comments

March is the month to reach a rainbow’s end and find some buried treasure but before you leap into leprechaun season take a tip or two from the experience of the Saddle Ridge Hoard finders, “John and Mary” who found ten million worth of gold coins in tin cans on their property and now risk losing it all back to leprechauns.

Ten million worth of gold coins found in rusty tin cans.
Ten million worth of gold coins found in rusty tin cans.

You probably know the story of John and Mary whose dog sniffed out a leprechaun trove of gold buried in rusty tins on their California property around this time of year.

Deeply disappointed to find no leprechaun, the dog quickly lost interest in the find while John and Mary realized immediately the danger of their discovery and levied many leprechaun security measures.

Today let’s take a look at these security measures and evalulate what John and Mary did right and wrong so you can be rainbow’s end ready for the March madness.

1. Don’t be Fooled By A Rusty Tin Can

That rusty can does not equal long forgotten. Make no mistake, if you are looking for or have found buried treasure, there is a leprechaun – maybe two – looking for you.  Sure we all know how old leprechauns like Forrest Fenn will forget exactly where they stashed their cash but they will never, ever forget to look for it. And look for it they do, in ingenious and devious ways.

Furthermore, most modern leprechauns use rust as a security measure. A little oxidization, dirt and decay on a container ensures that even the most valuable treasure can be hidden in plain sight. John and Mary say the treasure on their property was buried there in the 19th Century which matches the dates on the coins – but then why are they refusing to allow forensic analysis on the tin cans?

I’ll tell you why. Fear of Leprechauns who will use the info to claim the cash. In this case entirely justified and well handled. ✔

2. Bring Your Dog

Two reasons for this. One, dogs love leprechauns. They’re small and quick and give the best games of chase. Two, leprechauns generally hate dogs. Even if your dog can’t help you sniff out the gold like John and Mary’s dog did, when you do find it, he will keep away the leprechaun who is also looking for it and/or in the process of stashing it, for long enough at least you can unearth it all and drag it away.

Good move John and Mary. ✔✔

3. Never Reveal Your Real Name

The problem is this. Unless the stash you find is current cash – an unlikely scenario as leprechauns traditionally prefer gold – you will have to sell your haul on the open market. This means going public with your find but like Mary and John, don’t use your real name. Just as knowing a leprechaun’s real name can give you power over him or her, them knowing your real name gives them same.

So good job John and Mary or whatever your names really are, for immediately hiring a lawyer who is a trusted family friend to deal with taking your find public. ✔✔✔

Is David Hall really Walter Dimmick?
Is David Hall really Walter Dimmick?

4. Stay Away From Numismatists

You know what rhymes with “numismatist?” Yeah, that’s right hypnotist. Your numismatist probably won’t tell you how long he or she has also studied that gray art. Numismatist is really just another word for leprechaun. Oh they claim to be respected historical money-ologists who will help you sell your stash for a cut of the cash but put that together and everyone knows the truth. It’s a legal way for a leprechaun to reclaim their horde. And explains why numismatist is actually the number two cover “career” for a leprechauns after locksmith.

And this is where our John and Mary really fell down.  ✖✖✖✖ 

The couple have contacted and entrusted, not one but several numismatists, while more and more of them are circling the hoard everyday now.

John and Mary should have clued in when their numismatist Donald Kagin issued a statement saying, “They found the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.”

Now competing numismatists aka: organized leprechuans are coming out of the word work to lay claim they know the origin of the hoard, including one very suspicious seeming numismatist who looks a lot like the one who first stole it and stashed it, a leprechaun who went by the name of Walter Dimmick in the 19th Century when he worked for the Federal Mint (below).

Is the Saddle Ridge Hoard really Walter Dimmick's stolen gold?
Is the Saddle Ridge Hoard really Walter Dimmick’s stolen gold?

Is Walter Dimmick back for his hoard and out to retrieve it the legal way as a so-called numismatist? Time will tell.

Meanwhile,  please don’t let this stop you from following your own rainbows. There may not be a tin of gold at the end of every last one of them and you won’t always get to the right end at the right time and you may have to deal with a gold-crazed leprechaun –  but at least now you’ll be ready.

Click here for more tips on dealing with leprechauns. 

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Filed Under: Survival News Tagged With: Leprechauns

Noisy No Nessie Blame Game After Loch Ness Monster’s Vanishing Act

February 25, 2014 By Seth 33 Comments

Fingers are flying following Nessie the world’s most famous mermonster vanishing act from the Loch Ness in 2013 after nearly a century of dependable appearances.

A community desperately seeking Nessie
A community desperately seeking Nessie

So get your finger ready to joint the fight and consider carefully from the options below who you think is to blame.

(Please remember that all individuals named are innocent until proven guilty so please practice safe finger pointing. Especially Nessie Hunter George Edwards, below, who emailed me a few times using several large legal words.)

First, the background. Loch Ness Monster researcher Gary Campbell stunned the world last week when he announced that the Loch Ness Monster has now been officially missing for 18 months, the longest no-Nessie stretch in over 90 years, leaving the world to wonder who or what could be responsible.

Suspect #1: Nessie Hunter George Edwards

The name says it all. He hunts. Nessie.  Oh I know he says this means just trying to shoot the cryptid with a camera but then why the enormous, refrigerated hold in the belly of his boat, complete with blowgun?

In an email to me last year Captain Edwards denied that hold was for fish to feed the beast after another Nessie-debunkologist accused him of actually feeding Nessie so what exactly was Captain Edwards planning to store down there?

Suspect #2: Adrian Shine

Captain Edward’s arch enemy and Nessie debunkologist likes nothing better than trying to prove every Nessie photo a fake. When Captain Edwards publicly called him a pseudo-scientist, did Mr. Shine go from Nessie kill-joy to Nessie killer? Killing Nessie would be the only way Mr. Shine could be 100% certain there would be no Nessie in the Loch Ness.

Suspect #3 in the case of the Disappearing Nessie
Suspect #3 in the case of the Disappearing Nessie

Suspect #3: Charlie Sheen

Mr. Sheen, a self-declared warlock with tiger blood in his veins, among other substances, freely admits flying to Scotland last June to hunt for Nessie.

While Mr. Sheen later publicly stated that he failed to find the famous mermonster, ask yourself this one question – is this the face of a man whose public statements you should trust? ‘Nuff said.

Suspect #4:  Magnetic Island, Australia

At first glance only one man seemed guilty here – the man who took the now famous Lost Nessie photo (below), Mr. David Herron.  Mr. Herron runs a wedding celebration company on beautiful Magnetic Island where he brags about having planned over 1500 unique and memorable wedding ceremonies and prides himself on his pull-out-all-stops reputation when it comes to pleasing the clients. Was Mr. Herron under pressure to produce a Nessie-themed wedding? It seemed likely to me.

But further investigation reveals the whole island’s 200-odd inhabitants appear to be in on it. Jealous of Scotland’s tourism success, did Magnetic Island hatch a Nessie breeding plot to make their own monster reputation? Was this a cold case of cryptid kidnapping?

Suspect #5: Nessie

Famous "Lost Nessie" photo.
Famous “Lost Nessie” photo.

Let’s face it, Nessie’s not getting any younger. He – or she – has gamely performed for tourists on a random schedule for over 90 years. Did Nessie finally have enough?

☆ ☆ ☆

It goes without saying that you of course can make up your own mind, but me I’m especially interested in numbers 4 and 5. In fact, I’m hoping to get a lift to Australia later this week so I can look into it. If I can just get Graham to pack me properly then I’ll call FedEx and ask for Urban Squatch later this week.

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Filed Under: Survival News Tagged With: Loch Ness Monster, mermaids, Mermonsters

How To Survive A Viking Viking: This Week In Survival Feb 22, 2014

February 22, 2014 By Seth 50 Comments

Nevermind the Viking apocalypse that might be taking place as we speak, will you survive the Ragnarok parties breaking out everywhere?

Vikings viking everywhere.
Vikings viking everywhere.

The vikings are viking everywhere you look, preparing for the battle of the gods. As everyone knows there’s practically nothing more dangerous than a gang of ragnarocking Vikings This Week In Survival we look into that situation and more, posting some survivor links and updates below:

How to Survive A Viking Viking

1. Ask him about his helmet. 

In particular say something like, where are the horns? Vikings HATE this particular Hollywood myth. No real self-respecting Viking would ever wear a helmet with horns except to make fun of a tourist, a fact that every Viking is compelled to explain in detail. His explanation will buy you time.*

*How much time depends on how long-winded the Viking you face. Anywhere from seconds to aeons. Whatever the case, make it count because once he’s done explaining he’s going to be viking even harder than ever.

2. Locate the world tree known as Yggdrasil.

In addition to the dragon, several nymphs and wise squirrel who call this tree home, the Viking gods meet under this tree on a daily basis making this the best place to spend Ragnarok. Not only will it save you from a viking viking on you, but it gives you front row seats to all the best apocalyptic action as it unfolds. Or doesn’t, as the case may be. You can also grab a root portal here to one of eight other dimensions that won’t be ending tonight.

3. Tell him you found a missing game piece.

The Viking gods are notoriously prone to losing their game pieces. Some call this cheating, but never to their faces. Point is, at Ragnarok, it is said that these gold pieces will be found. If you know the location of one, what Viking could resist letting you live – at least long enough to find out that you’re lying?

4.  This question: What did Odin say to his son before preparing his funeral pyre? 

Just memorize it. If you say this, the Viking will think you are Odin and worship you instead of killing you, a much better situation. Even if you don’t know the answer. Hey it worked for Odin.

➳ ➳ ➳ This Week In Survival  ➳ ➳ ➳

Reaper Seeks Apprentice

➳ Not Reaper but AGENT R.B. Should you apply? Is his certification recognized? Please discuss it with your guidance counsellor before applying.

Got a Recent 20 on Camp Halfblood? 

➳ DoP (Daughter of Poseidon) is looking… anyone stumbled their way there recently?  I know it moves around but is there nothing you can do to locate it?

A Siren Sings: 

➳ STORMBORN sings about sirens and how you too could become one. Maybe. Just don’t expect any souvenirs from Atlantis. They don’t go for tourism.

Packmates Problem

➳ What if you want to be more than just packmates? MIDNIGHT having escaped the zombies with somebody special wants to know. Is this the right time to talk about trapping a Cupid? Or just stay out of it? Hmmm….

➳ Whose advice to believe? URBAN SQUATCH or ERIS?  Thanks to both for considering the question…

Did Ragnarok (Temporarily) Get Lilith SOTM?

➳ Speaking of ERIS, did she really destroy LILITH, the SOTM? That’s a very bad sign for the SOTM curse. Can this be fixed this before the full moon? Wait – update. She appears to be alive or at least not dead here…what happened? I’m still unclear.  

Keep on ragnarocking on. This Week In Survival Under Construction In Random Ways ‘Til Midnight Sunday Feb 23

 

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Filed Under: Survival Resources Tagged With: Ragnarok, This Week In Surivival, Vikings

Ragnarok Scheduled for Saturday Sparks Repopulation Party Plans For One Man

February 19, 2014 By Seth 122 Comments

A prominent Viking organization claims the signs all say Ragnarok will occur Saturday, but could this be a case of wishful thinking by a dude who dreams of repopulating the earth with somebody special?

Read on and judge for yourself.

Ragnarok on Saturday or wishful thinking?
Ragnarok on Saturday or wishful thinking?

The Jorvik Viking Center in the UK has rocked the world this week claiming the supernatural signs all say the Viking Apocalypse will concide with the 30th Annual Viking Festival today, thereby enabling one lucky man to repopulate the earth with one lucky lady.

David Scott hopes to be that man.

“The signs all point to the fact that I will be that man,” said Marketing Director David Scott who says he hopes to be repopulating the Earth as early as Sunday morning with Festival Director Danielle Daglan, if he plays his cards right and doesn’t drink too much at the Ragnarok parties.

Ragnarok, as Survivors know, is when Loki’s wolf grandson Skoll will allegedly catch the son and eat it while his brother Hati will finally eat the mooon, Fenrir will be finally unleashed along with all the inhaitants of Hel and an all-out god fight will follow. As a result, the world will end for everyone except for two lucky survivors selected to go forth to repopulate the Earth.

Mr. Scott, who previously tried several online dating sites with mixed results, says he knew exactly what Danielle really meant the day she came to his office to tell him the horn of Heimdallr had been heard above the rooftops of York 100 days ago.

“I always knew Danielle secretly wanted to repopulate the Earth with me,” Mr. Scott said. “This just confirmed it.” The Marketing Director says he has been planning his personal Ragnorok party for two ever since.

But while everyone agrees Danielle and David may indeed have something personally going on this Saturday night, many Ragnarok watchers say David Scott and his organization are missing the most important portents that signal the start of Ragnarok, including:

❏ Fenrir must be released
❏ Migard the giant serpent must emerge from the ocean
❏ 3 Dark Years in a row must occur ie: freezing winters followed by no summer

“Whatever I’m still going to party like it’s the end of the world,” said Mr. Scott when confronted with these facts, adding that he would still try to get a date with Danielle and repopulate the earth.

What do you think?

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Filed Under: Survival News Tagged With: apocalypse, Ragnarok, Vikings

Lilith Survivor of the Month February 2014

February 17, 2014 By Seth 247 Comments

SOS Survivor of the Month

A Billion Years of Lilith

Is it ironic or appropriate the Survivor of the Month on this very scary Valentine’s Day moon would be Lilith? That’s the question.

I don’t know the answer. Mainly because I failed the irony test in junior high when my firetruck caught fire on the way to school causing me, sadly, to miss it. But more importantly, Valentine’s Day would be complicated time for Lilith. Why? Well read about it in here in Lilith’s own words and judge for yourself. You would almost expect her to spent the day hunting down Cupids – and her ex-husband. Not exactly what you expect for this day.

However, it had to be Lilith this moon. True, she’s not always the friendliest survivor you’ll meet here on SOS. But she is often very helpful and always very intense.

Here are few facts about Lilith’s life over the last billion years that you should know when you meet her:

1. Do not refer to her as a demon. Nor even Queen of Demons like The Reaper once did. Witch, goddess of demi-goddess – likewise out of the question. Although Lilith is immortal, she prefers the moniker “Pre-Fall Human.” Don’t know what that means? Read about it in her own words here. I guess being the first human would be pretty cool.

2. Even before arriving on the site, way back last March, Lilith sent a mysterious gift to another survivor. Lycan the Protector received an enchanted mirror one night after the hunt, signed by her. What did the mirror do? Read about it here. 

The gift stirred up a lot of debate. Was it good? Or evil? Was Lilith good or evil? There were a lot of rumours. Survivors did not agree but they discussed the matter at great length. And this was all before the Lilith ever graced SOS with a single word.

3. All that debate finally compelled Lilith herself to stop by and speak for herself, explaining,”my past is rife with blood and debauchery, but billions of years have given me time both to think and to love mankind.” See, she’s trying to make good on a few past mistakes. I wouldn’t advise you to read her full account to The Reaper here. It might freak you out and really, she’s not that scary. At least not all the time.

And you can clearly see that Reaper still questions her sincerity here but I say, give her the benefit of the doubt. She might surprise you with a hot Baconator.

4. Billions of years to think has also made Lilith a billionaire. And apparently she likes a good party so hang around and see. She might invite you to an epic one. But before you accept, you might want to ask her for a few immortality tips by replying to her comment here**

**Please be advised SOS can neither endorse or guarantee the claims of any immortals on the site. Party with one at your own risk.

5. Lilith’s favourite color is green. Something to keep in mind if you’re giving her a gift.

6. Lilith is very in tune with her dark side, let’s say. As a result, she’s not afraid to take on a dark quest. Like a quest against the Dark itself, for instance when she helped Fenrir fight off the Dark Year. A struggle you can read about, in part, here.

(I for one am very grateful, although it means I won’t need to use my awesome new Power Pot to run my computers.)

7. Has been nursing a broken heart for a very long time. Like, years. Billions of them. That’s why I thought they were spending the V-Day Moon hunting cupids or something, because they weren’t technically around and so were not eligible. But then I could see they were actually here but not speaking.( And maybe hunting cupids too. Hard to say.)

8. However not everyone claims to be a huge fan. Ice stepped out just to challenge her to a death duel. And he hasn’t challenged anyone in ages. You can see part of their ongoing battle here.

Likewise The Reaper remains a non-fan frenemy. But you probably have to take that with a grain of salt, it’s all about the body count.)

9. Lilith does not like faeries. Not at all. Titania in particular which you can read some of their battle here. I wonder if the faerie queen will ever get over it? Just something to be aware of if you are yourself a faerie or if you happen to know one personally.

10. But Lilith isn’t all darkness and intensity. She’s also recently become involved in an effort to help conquer the world through music with a number of other survivors on the site, including A.P. and The Reaper, to which effort she will lend her mathematically pure voice and a some glowsticks. And a round of Baconators for all.

וּפָגְשׁוּ צִיִּים אֶת-אִיִּים, וְשָׂעִיר עַל-רֵעֵהוּ יִקְרָא; אַךְ-שָׁם הִרְגִּיעָה לִּילִית, וּמָצְאָה לָהּ מָנוֹ

So congratulations to LILITH on being selected Survivor of the Month for this, the V-Day Moon 2014. If anyone knows how to carry a curse, it has to be Lilith. Having carried one for a billion years already possibly she can handle just one more for 28 days. Thanks to you Lilith for stirring up some Survival here at SOS over the dark months.

Long may you keep on keeping on.

Seth

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Filed Under: Survival News Tagged With: Lilith, Survivor of the Month

Monstrometer Report: Kaiju and You

February 15, 2014 By Seth 16 Comments

Should you adopt a Kaiju for a pet? Like me, you have likely been considering the question since science broke the news last week about the giant rats taking over the world, one island at a time. But please before you decide, watch the latest Monstrometer Report. The SPCA and I both thank you in advance.

If you haven’t been informed about the rats going Kaiju, you can  read about it here:  http://sethonsurvival.com/survival-news/return-giant-rats-get-ready )
Thanks for keeping on keeping on with SOS and the Monstrometer Reports. Get ready for an important Survivor of the Month announcement.
Seth
Mothra is almost like a bee..
Mothra is almost like a bee..

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Filed Under: Survival News Tagged With: Jimmy Carter, kaiju, Monstrometer Report

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Links

  • Spray Nine
  • The SOS Monstrometer
  • ZAG – Zombie Actor's Guild
  • Zombie Specimens

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