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You are here: Home / 2013 / Archives for November 2013

Archives for November 2013

This Week In Survival November 30, 2013

November 30, 2013 By Seth 22 Comments

Well we’re back with another This Week In Survival – or are we? It’s too soon to tell.

Another Supernatural Week Of Survival!
Another Supernatural Week Of Survival!

All I know for sure so far is Black Friday came and went, bringing zombies and demons and what appears to be a slate of phobias to its survivors…

Want to know what’s been happening around SOS, who’s surviving and how and why? Me too. Check back here over the next 36 hours or so while I try to figure it out and put up the links.

Thanks to everyone still surviving with SOS. Still keeping on keeping on against all odds and good judgement….

 

 

Welcome to Sethslist 

Classifieds for Surviving Supernaturally…

Know a Monster Who Needs Therapy? 

–>>Got a friend or family member in denial of a supernatural condition or monstrosity? Are you a vampire who loves a werewolf? Contact the HATTER, certified Monster Therapist. Follow the link for easy instructions and a quote within 6 business days.

Wanted:

–>>Dragonfly blood and some angel tears (Hmm that’s a tough one. How many?) If you  are an angel who cries or know how to make an angel cry,  please contact SCARLETT LUPA here, asap. *

*I’m not sure about her exact condition yet, but it seems to involve a lot of *cough* coughing* from the effort of following the no real names, ages, or locations rule.

Transformation Time: 

–>> ZERETH new dragon, just grew wings. Now what?? how do you hide those?

Phobia Phight Night: How Powerful Are You?  

–>> The HATTER, M.T. gets into it with VELANKO, FENRIR and KENJI but cleverly doesn’t say what happens to him if he loses his hat…

And what if I find it? Hmmmm….. On a related note, I found a pair of gloves yesterday and I’m still trying to figure out their powers. They have a mysterious symbol on them, a-k. Maybe they were sent by The Glover… speaking of which…

Lost and Found? 

–>> How will you know if a Hatter sends you a powerful HAT?  Did KENJI find one? Ignore this thread and you could be missing out!

–>> On a related note, The SENTINEL has taken his cycle to destroy another realm but ostensibly left his powers with a newcomer named KENJI. Just when I thought the weak were winning…

Meetings and Beatings

–>> This can’t be good. LOKI here and judging by his last name is probably the real deal. Hope he doesn’t find Fenrir.

Did the zomborgs get Rusty?
Did the zomborgs get Rusty?

Cyber Monday Zomborgs

–>> After surviving the snow zombies aka “melties” did the zomborgs finally get RUSTY? A mysterious email has survivors concerned today —>
Been Avoiding the Void for Fear of the Chipmunks? 

–>> Better make sure you know what it is first. The void debates with VELANKO, CHAOS and PERFIDE

–>> And  review ZYBORAGON’S Void Chipmunk fighting tips before you set out. I know, I know. Hardly this week in survival. But still, timeless tips from our favorite metal cyborg dragon. Some say the void chipmunks got to him but I prefer to believe he found Forresst Fenn’s treasure and retired to his island cave.

 

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Filed Under: Survival News Tagged With: This Week In Survival

Scatomancy Scam a Big Pile of Poo

November 28, 2013 By Seth 8 Comments

A so-called scatomancer witch calling himself S.S. Singh is pushing a steaming pile of poo about his supposedly pungent power to tell the future and even do magic using human scat this week.

Steaming pile of psychic poo
Steaming pile of psychic poo

*Warning to anyone reading this before Thanksgiving dinner…  maybe don’t. 

The man in this photo claims to be a so-called scatomancer in a documentary out this week called “Journey to Planet Sanity,” but supernatural survivologists are calling bulli$h&t on his schtick after watching his so-called psychic shIz@ reading.

After kneeling in front of the full toilet, Mr. Singh reaches right into the toilet bowl and picks up one of the documentarian’s turds, holding it up to his nose and takes a big whiff.

“The stronger the aroma, the more accurate the prediction,” he declares.  Then after feeling and smelling the poo, the self-styled scatomancer advises the film maker to continue on his journey.

But Supernatural Survivologist Seth Greening called the reading a pile of steaming poo in an interview with WBEX.

“A traditional scatomancer would never lower himself to kneel over a toilet. In fact, a traditional scatomancer would not read human poo at all. They examine animal scat for clues about the past and upcoming years. Further, if Mr. Singh were a traditional scatomancer, he would have dried the turds outside in the sun until they became what scatomancers of yore referred to euphemistically as “magic beans.” Then he would have laid the magic beans on a grid for reading past, present and future or used them in a magic spell.” explained Seth help-ily.

“But the bottom line is, if Mr. Singh knew anything about scatomancy  at all, he would know that today modern scatomancers perform their art using test tubes, glass slides, latex gloves and microscope. And most if not all of them prefer the title of lab technician to scatomancer. Unless they are trying to impress a date, in which case many of them still have a pile of business cards with the title of Grand Scatomancer ready to give away.”

Scatomancers used dried poo or beans to tell the future.
Scatomancers of yore used dried poo or beans to tell the future.

 

 

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Filed Under: Survival News Tagged With: scatomancer, scatomancy, witch

When Friend is A Werewolf But He Doesn’t Know How Do You Tell Him So He Doesn’t Freak Out? SOS Email of the Week

November 26, 2013 By Seth 18 Comments

Ah to tell or not to tell and if to tell, how?  Self-denial is a supernatural force to be sure, how do you break through it safely? Think about it. Was that really a werewolf disguised as grandma – or was everybody just too scared to tell the old lady about what long, pointy teeth she really had until it was way too late?

We get a lot of email here at SOS.  This is, after all the fourth or maybe even the fifth most popular site on the Interwebs for supernatural survivologists like you and me, depending on the time of day.

Is there any safe way to tell a friend they are a werewolf?
Is there any safe way to tell a friend they are a werewolf?

(And of course, many survivors – you know who you are – continue to send in reports from their ongoing research which is much appreciated and featured as content on the site whenever possible.)

I appreciate all of the correspondence and I try to respond to as many emails as I can personally but sometimes an email is very instructive for everyone, like this one from… let’s call him Mr. Smith —>>>

This, Mr. Smith, is exactly the reason why Graham and I invented The Monstrometer in the first place. Because telling a friend he’s a werewolf – or a vampire or a ghost – is somewhat more complicated than informing him of the s-ball in his left nostril. If the little girl in the red hood had stopped to download The Monstrometer and scanned her grandmother, a village might have been saved.

That said, how do you share Monstrometer results with a subject who remains in stubborn denial of their supernatural self?

I’ll put up three and add to it as survivors contribute… with all due credit, of course.

8 Ways To Tell Your Friend He’s a Werewolf without Him Freaking Out

1. Send your friend an email. You could send him one either:

a) Directly from The Monstrometer but if you don’t want him to know it comes from you, Mr. Smith then

b)  I can send it from my account. Maybe something simple like:

“You have just been scanned by concerned friend who wants you to know that you are in fact actually a werewolf.”

2.  Ask a certified Monster Therapist like The Hatter to stop by and stage a Monster Intervention.

Does he perform this service? Apparently, yes! Contact him by leaving a REPLY here to negotiate a rate.

*Just please ignore everything else that he says about me. I would never decapitate a suspected werewolf.

3. A tried and true method proposed by The Reaper – make him mad and see if he transforms. New werewolves can’t control the were-rage and will transform every time.

*Note this one is only effective if the subject has already experienced their first moon and remains in denial of it every happening.

4. Hire a mariachi band to sing the results to your friend between classes.

5. Drop hints to test his level of lycanthropy and watch him react, for instance show him photos of the moon, or play a wolf’s howl, hopefully this leads to a discussion. –>> Moonsong

6.. Just take your friend out on the full moon and help him through his first transformation. Hopefully you are an experienced enough werewolf to time your own transformation to happen immediately following his – and after you take those photos for later proof. –>>Moonsong

7.. Take him somewhere quiet and private then just break the news. Yelling is unavoidable, however so be prepared. –>> Fenri

8. Don’t beat around the bush. Just let them have it and at least you did your part trying to help them. –>> Scarlett

Thanks to everyone who contributed to this very informative list. Which will prove the most effective? Keep on keeping on to find out.

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Filed Under: Survival News Tagged With: Monstrometer, werewolf

November 2013 Survivor of the Month Fenrir

November 22, 2013 By Seth 45 Comments

10 Fun Facts about Fenrir, Survivor of the Month

mark of fenrir

1. Might ask you to unbind him. But don’t do it, especially if you’re a Viking. Even if he promises to give you this. Fenrir is the demigod wolf spirit bound in dwarven chains made of gleipnir.  Although around here you can never be sure of the status of these chains…

2. Is a friend of the dragons. Blue dragons in particular.

3. Hates frost wraiths.

4.Subsists mostly on a diet of beef, pig and peanut butter, in part because humans taste like armpit and in part because he doesn’t want to eat the sun. (Or so he claims.)

5. Has a distinctive mark (above) – 3 claw marks, the middle one longer, right paw only SEE CORRECTION HERE. This mark has been spotted around Survival HQ. If he gives you this mark, it can increase your strength and power temporarily, at least until it heals.

6. Gets a little surly sometimes on the end of his chain, but in part this is because he misses Brigantia and maybe in part because he recently survived an encounter with the so-called Slender Man.

7. Has coached several werewolves through difficult transformations. While SOS can not endorse all of his advice, there’s no denying the evidence that the werewolves he assisted did indeed survive.

8. Being chained spends some of his time penning pithy poetic warnings that are strangely inspiration, like the following:

I have little to fear for death is small
So many worse things I’ve felt through it all.
But I cannot die My time is not done
and if you attack me you’ll wish you had run

9. Why is he banned in Russia? Something to do with the Mongols here.

10. Knows a lot about the Nemantion spirits. As him about how to avoid them or what to do when you raise one, he can tell it all.

Fenrir helps many werewolves through their first moon and submitted several excellent warnings to the site, including a series of recordings which helped save an untold number of survivors in the woods on the full moon.

But as Fenrir himself says, he is already cursed once. Can he really carry a second curse for the next 28 days, long enough to pass it on to another survivor? Will he elect another survivor to help him? Or will all the future Survivors of the Month be lost to history?

Keep on keeping on to find out.

Seth

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Filed Under: Survival News Tagged With: fenrir, SoTM, Survivor of the Month

What’s New in Monstrometer 3.0

November 21, 2013 By Seth 7 Comments

Hail Survivors!

The new long-awaited update to the Monstrometer is finally here.  See below for a tease of the new features.

Thanks for keeping on keeping on!

Seth

Get it on the App Store! https://itunes.apple.com/app/monstrometer/id335896676

New features and a redesigned interface to help you keep on keeping on.
Now a universal app for iPad, iPhone and iPod Touch – Optimized for 4″ tall iPhone screens, 3.5″ iPhone screens and iPad.
Updated for iOS7 (also supports iOS 6 and iOS 5) – (if you have iOS 3 or iOS 4 you can still download version 2.2)
Retina Display support with higher resolution graphics throughout.

A nearly 0.01% increase in scan sensitivity.
Now over 12.8% more accurate diagnosis
30+ new interrogation questions
Easier access to stats, monsters and links.
Easy access to all SOS supernatural survival resources (web site, videos, ebooks, apps and supernatural survival diagnostic tools).

New Lunar Phase tracker to help you survive

Watch HD videos from within the app!

Modernized code for improved performance, compatibility and stability.

Monstrometer3-Home

Download_on_the_App_Store_Badge_US-UK_570x160_0801

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Filed Under: Monstrometer Tagged With: iOS, iPad, iPhone, iPod Touch, Monstrometer, New

Doorknob Danger Zombies Celebrate City’s Daft Design Diktat

November 20, 2013 By Seth 4 Comments

Zombies and grizzly bears of the west coast celebrate a major accessibility victory in Vancouver, Canada as a new design law banning doorknobs takes effect in that city, putting an end to old-fashioned turny knobs in favour of easy push-type lever handles.

Zombies celebrate accessibility victory.
Zombies celebrate accessibility victory.

“Finally an end to the debilitating dexterity-ism that me and my Z people have faced for centuries,” stated Zombie Actors Guild president Gnargh Jonnsson. “No longer will we walkers be forced to pile up, one on top of each other until the full force of our combined rotting flesh heap can crash through the structural integrity of a wall just to take out a library book or go shopping at the mall. We walk tall now knowing that we will no longer be segregated by something as superficial as wrist abduction and adduction. No, we will walk through those doors as proud individuals, the equal of any other ambulatory being.”

Or course, the world of zombieology is an-ooze today with speculation about how this change will affect West Coast zombie behaviour in the near future.

“The implications of this seemingly small design change will be profound. As the West Coast zombies no longer need to work together en masse to gain entry to secure public buildings, will they loose the horde instinct? My feeling is yes, yes they will,” stated acclaimed zombie-ologoist Dr. Maxwelle Brookes zMD. ”

Hearing this opinion by the venerable doctor of zombie-ology himself, some zombies have already begun to lament the change.

“This mean no more zombie pile? No more foot bone in skull? No more play Whose Hand Is This Anyway? Awwwwwwrrrrrgggg,” stated one disgruntled Stage Three-er.  “How I meet squishy lady zombie now?”

Grizzly bears, whose lack of opposable thumbs has been their only real impediment to obtaining access to cars, restaurants and even yoga studios in that city, have long advocated for a no-thumbs needed law like this one.

The ban on doorknobs was enacted by city council and takes effect this spring.

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Filed Under: Survival News Tagged With: high functioning zombies, Zombies

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Zombie Outbreak in Texas!!!

Hail Survivors!

I recently received a very grave -no pun intended- warning from Survivor Miles who I believe may be located in or near Texas. Survivor Miles recently survived a vicious zombie attack, armed with only his wits and hedge clippers. His parents unfortunately were not so lucky.

Read more here: Zombie Attack!!!

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