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You are here: Home / 2013 / Archives for June 2013

Archives for June 2013

Fourth of July Brings the Dog Days

June 27, 2013 By Seth 30 Comments

Survivors please take a moment to remember, the Fourth of July is not just about fireworks and fried chicken to celebrate the Declaration of American Independence and the start of summer vacay. As founding fathers of the USA John Adams and Thomas Jefferson knew very well when they chose this day, July 4 marks another very ancient and powerful occasion – the first day of the most dreaded days of the year, the dies caniculares, the days of the dog, the so-called, “Dog Days.”

Otherwise known as the Dog Star
Otherwise known as the Dog Star, Sirius rises with the sun

For roughly 40 days starting around July 4, Sirius, the so-called dog star, will rise in conjunction with our sun and exert its dogged influence over all of canine kind here on earth. From Rex your friendly canis lupis familiaris to your favorite fluffy muffin-loving, gut-rending genus lycaon aka: werewolf, all feel the pull of their star as the Dog Days begin.

While more experienced werewolves may try to sleep through the heat, new werewolves will often experience their first transformations during the Dog Days. In fact, more new werewolves will experience transformation in the next forty days than in the rest of the entire year. That’s counting both genetic expressions and unwanted werewolf-to-werewolf transmissions combined. Most won’t understand what is happening to them. These noobwolves will be very confused and angry, a mere whiff away from full moon fever at all times from now until the Dog Days end in mid-August.

Let me be clear, I’m NOT saying the founding fathers were werewolves. Just John Adams and Thomas Jefferson. Why else would they actually die on July 4? They felt and understood the power of the dog star rising more than anyone and pushed the signing of the Declaration of Independence to coincide with it in preparation for battle.

Thomas Jefferson

In fact during the height of the Dog Days of 1824 Thomas Jefferson himself, fighting the urge to transform, famously said, “We have the wolf by the ear and feel the danger of either holding or letting him loose.”

Some years later Jefferson learned to love his inner lycanthrope and began urging everyone in government to do the same, saying, “You and I, and Congress and Assemblies, Judges and Governors, shall ALL become wolves. It seems to be the law of our general nature.”

And as for John Adams? One of his many descendants of the same name plays drums in a band called Flock of Werewolves. Coincidence? I think not.

Be prepared. Treat everyday from now until August as a full moon alert and pay extra attention on July 15th when the full moon and the dog days coincide. Be a little careful playing fetch with Fido, stay cool and cut your lycanthrope and alleged lycanthrope friends a wide berth even if you’re a were-creature yourself. Especially if you’re a lycanthrope yourself. Then everybody can still be a-lican each other in the morning.

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Filed Under: Survival News Tagged With: Dog Days, Full Moon, Independence Day, John Adams, July 4th, Muffins, Solstice, Summer, Thomas Jefferson, Werewolves

Dyan Super Moon – Summer Solstice – Super Survivor Of The Month Clues

June 21, 2013 By Seth 9 Comments

Wow is there a lot of supernatural survival cosmic awesomeness going on this weekend.

Not only is today the Summer Solstice (in the northern hemisphere*) which many in the modern world only think of as the longest day but in fact it’s also a big day for Witches! It’s probably one of the top 3 witchiest days in the whole calendar**. It is also a big deal for pagans as all solstice/equinoxy events are (as astutely pointed out by Survivor Archaea Venomtongue).

But it is also the Dyan Full Moon*** which also happens to be a Super Moon****! and not just a super moon but the biggest super moon of the year.

Super Lunar Lycanthropic Lunacy and Witchy Werewolfy wildness will likely ensue so beware while being were.

Clues for the Survivor Of The Month will be going up here over the next couple of days and the Survivor of the Month will be announced on Monday.

* For survivors in the southern hemisphere look back to this article and this article to see how to deal with the Winter Solstice.

** I sense that I will soon be writing a blog post about the top 3 witchiest days on the calendar…

*** For more info on what exactly a Dyan Moon is check out these articles from my wolfy pals over at YourLupineLife.com:

The Werewolf in the Mirror

Dyan Clan

**** What’s a Super Moon? That’s when the Moon is both Full AND at perigee (the closest part of its orbit to the Earth). The more they coincide the more super the Super Moon. To track when these are going to happen get the free Lupine Life app for iPhone, iPod Touch or iPad.

SOTM clues to follow… soonish…

Hail Survivors,

My apologies for the delay in getting the Survivor of the month clues up. The super moon has caused some significant supernatural issues. Issues that have caused collateral damage sufficient to disrupt both the power systems and the network connection here at Survivor HQ.

Graham and I are just getting our systems back online so I hope things will be back to normal soon and I can finish updating the site.

Until then survivors keep on keeping on.

Seth

UPDATE – I managed to get things working well enough to be able to deal with a few replies to survivors but now I have to head out to deliver so pizza for the lunch rush so that hungry downtown office workers can survive until supper time. (just one of the many survival services I provide – I am putting in a few extra shifts to save up for a new camera) But I’ll be back later today to continue this article. – Seth

UPDATE #2 – I am back from the watery death pit and am FINALLY about to put up the survivor of the month announcement. Due to the delays caused by my incarceration in the belly of a giant lake monster we are going to skip the clues this month and go straight into the unveiling. That and my notes for the clues are extremely waterlogged and partially digested. Short version of the story I had to deliver some pizzas out near the lake and thought I would take a brief break before heading back to see if I could get a few pictures of lake monster that a some local residents claimed to have spotted.  I was able to get a few good ones including one particularly good closeup of the inside of its mouth before finding myself with a number of fish and a used tire in a dark damp room that I later determined to be the belly of the monster.  I guess I must have smelled like the shrimp and mushroom pizzas I had just delivered so if you are not into getting swallowed whole by giant lake monsters I suggest following the rules of waiting 60 minutes after eating (for the smell of food to dissipate) before swimming. It took me a while but I was eventually able to escape and make my way back to Survival HQ. Keep checking back for more details about my adventure. Unfortunately there won’t be any pictures as my iPhone is not functioning very well after spending a week in the belly of a lake monster. – Seth

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Filed Under: Survival News Tagged With: Dyan Moon, Super Moon, Survivor of the Month, Werewolves, Witches

This Week In Survival – June 16, 2013

June 14, 2013 By Seth 7 Comments

Another Supernatural Week Of Survival!
Another Supernatural Week Of Survival!

Take a minute out from polishing your harpoon gun for your trip to the lake or planning your super moon survival strategy for June 22 and catch up on the week that was in Survival, who survived and when and how and why or why not, just click on the crazy colored links below.

You know I don’t always get everything and I certainly don’t get everything right, but Survival is a process and it’s always fun and inspiring. You keep me keeping on!

  • Hooray! Update from LONEWOLF What really happened in the garage that night? Is he werewolf zero in an alien invasion? Is somebody trying weaponizing werewolves? What did he do with the skin anyway?
  • Technically the very end of last week but ENRON stopped by with a tip about photon weapon defense to help VIANNA defeat the dragon hunters. Unfortunately she didn’t have a temporal decelerator gun handy.  Always a problem. How did she handle it?   Still a few details I need to work out here…
  • What’s this? A royal visit from the WOLF PRINCESS and no red carpet! That’s like, 3X now. Good to know she’s still keeping calm and wolfing on!   I hope she isn’t secretly working with THE BEAST who appears to have given up on his blood collection drive to cure lycanthropy after LycantheProtector went off the grid.
  • Interesting! Just as you might expect this moon, GAVIN a werewolf who has begun to catch glimpses of the wolf within whenever he looks in the mirror. Do you need a special mirror for this? (Credit to everyone who helped him here! MARY,   CURIOUS and DEVORAH.)
  • What’s this? Report from the psycho hybrids? Ordinarily I hate it when the psychos stop by, I always have to go get another psycho to take care of them and then you get in this whole psycho Russian doll situation but this IX_REP seems ok. Who can help him solve the mystery of the HHH
  • Whew! After that psycho situation I really needed this one. WOLFMASTER 186  agree or disagree with him? Should I look into this? They do seem to get more subscribers than me…
  • ALEXANDER THE HYBRID 4,000 year old Draconian were-ghost posts a dramatic confession. Spoiler – if you are related to anyone who lived in the Pompeii area in say AD79, you might not want to read this…
  • AMANDA THE FAIRY stopped by to inform on the Fairy Realms. Is there really more than one? How many are there then? And where are the going in and out? And why do fairies hate the REPLY button? Graham is it broken?

 

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Filed Under: Survival News Tagged With: This Week In Survival

JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT IT WAS SAFE TO GO BACK IN THE WATER: LAKE MONSTER SWIMMING TIPS 2013

June 13, 2013 By Seth 3 Comments

Cabins in the Woods are a double-edged katana. If you’re a survivor who is lucky enough to have access to a remote Cabin In The Woods (or “Cottage”), you have a safe place to retreat to in the event of a zombie uprising, especially if you’ve stocked it up with Apocalypse Supplies like canned food and shotguns. However, odds are you also have to deal the one of most horrifying dangers faced by swimming survivors all over the world… that’s right, I’m talking about the dreaded LAKE MONSTER.

What's swimming with you?
Who will be swimming with you this summer?

Survivors, school’s almost out for summer and that can mean only one thing – swimming. That glorious, refreshing, athletic and INCREDIBLY DANGEROUS summer activity. There are a myriad threats to your survival if you decide to take a plunge into the depths. Here are a few things I recommend you do to stay safe and survived if you decide to cool yourself off in the “lake,” or as I like to call it, “watery death pit.”

Remember, there are over NINETY reported Lake Monsters worldwide. And just like mice, that means for every blurry sauropod reported to Wikipedia there are countless others roaming the depths of the world’s lakes. Take precautions! Do research at the local probably-condemned-from-disuse county library and look through the dusty microfilm for reported maritime disappearances in your getaway town’s history. Keep on the lookout for blurry photographs that might be a wave or might be A HORRIBLE CARNIVOROUS PLEISIOSAUR. The more info you have about the type of Lake Monster you’re dealing with, the better you can prepare yourself. For example, Giant Snapping Turtles can be handily dealt with by boxing them in the ears, which will give you a chance to harpoon gun them. Giant Sharks? Harpoon gun a nearby fish and watch it go after the blood in the water! Freshwater Kraken? Have I mentioned harpoon guns?

And when you’re swimming, remember;

  • Never go swimming after dark. Not only are most Lake Monsters nocturnal and therefore more likely to devour you horribly at night, but you’re much less likely to see them (and rogue head-splitting rocks) coming.
  • Use the buddy system. If you’re going swimming, bring a friend! You can have each other’s backs and keep a look out for any incoming Giant Shark fins.
  • Look before you leap! Don’t just go cannonballing off that rickety dock – look down first. Are there baleful saurian eyes looking back at you? I’d recommend maybe taking a bath instead.
  • Harpoon gun. ‘Nuff said.
  • Find an ancient gold coin or idol at the bottom of the lake covered in moss? DON’T TOUCH IT. You may be stealing a Lake Monster’s gold. As it is in ancient tombs, as it is at the bottom of lakes. Leave it be, alright?

And, of course, keep on the look out for non-lake-monster-related supernatural threats. When looking into the lake or pool before you leap (as per the above survival tip), if you see someone else’s mournful reflection or perhaps your own but as an old person, you might be dealing with a haunted lake or the site of a future/past time travel accident. It’s not worth it. Take a bath instead.

Remember survivors, this summer, stay cool and stay survived!

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Filed Under: Survival News Tagged With: lake monsters, Loch Ness Monster, Mermonsters

Four Races of Aliens Among Us Says Ex-Minister of Defence

June 10, 2013 By Seth Leave a Comment

Another former government agent is talking about aliens this week, Paul Hellyer, Canada’s former Minister of Defence turned writer/researcher of alien etiquette since 2005, says there are now four major species of aliens who have been visiting earth for thousands of years and that learning how to behave in the presence of each of them is important for your survival.

Former Defence Minister on alien etiquette
Former Defence Minister testifies about aliens and the etiquette he learned in his research.

“Just as children learn to survive the tooth fairy and Santa Claus when they become adult, I think that tax paying citizens are quite capable of accepting the broader reality that we live in a cosmos teaming with life of various sorts,” testified the former Minister of Defence who sadly did not elaborate on his Santa Claus Survival Strategy.

As an adult himself and former holder of one of the most powerful human titles on Earth, Paul Hellyer has spent the last ten years studying aliens and their etiquette. He attributes his own survival success to a guide book known as Millenial Hospitality 2 by Charles James Hall.  This second alien etiquette book in a series, chiefly treats encounters with a race of aliens known as the Tall Whites, pictured above.

Survival Tips From A Former Defence Minister, Part One:  Tall White Survival
  • First, ensure sure that you are not in fact dealing with an angel

With their glowing white jumpsuits, nylon boots and propensity for swimming through the desert air in a bubble of white light, Hellyer’s Tall Whites are often mistaken for angels and vice-versa. Millenial Hospitality invites you to visit your religious leader and get right with the belief system of your choice before approaching a Tall White, just in case you are actually dealing with an angel. 

  • Also ensure you are not just dealing with another tall skinny white human.

If your last three dates with tall blondes all turned out to be with the same girl only you didn’t realize it? This is not surprising but it is also not technically an alien encounter.

  • If you are in fact dealing with a Tall White alien, don’t run away. 

Running away from a Tall White alien is an invitation to vaporization. Stay very still and very quiet.

  • But don’t follow them either.

They don’t mean to lead you into the middle of the desert with no water but when you start following an alien, they treat it like a game. A game that you will lose, in part because you can’t bob along above the earth in a bubble of white light.

But if you do decide to follow, remember aliens prefer you to stay about 30 feet away from them at all times and if you prefer to remain unvaporized, you might want to do that.

  • If you do follow an alien, hang onto your hat. 

Not only will you need your hat to keep the sun off your head when the aliens abandon you in the middle of the desert, but if you lose your hat the aliens will just WASH it and return it to you in an unusual location for you to find later. Your hat will never be the same size or shape ever again. Aliens are terrible with human laundry but pretty good with the DNA they extract from objects like this.

  • Keep a log book of your departures and arrivals

We’re talking an old-fashioned pen and paper log book, every time you leave or arrive home. This way you’ll catch any missing time in your daily routines.

  • Learn to identify Horse Formation 

Aliens in a group float around in something called horse formation, that is with kids in the middle and adults floating protectively around the edges. This formation is meant to ensure group speed and safety for the kids. Never mess with a group of aliens in horse formation.

  • Look for the microwave pencil.

Tall Whites are curiously nostalgic. They carry microwave pencils to hypnotize you and scramble your memories. If you want to remember the experiments they performed on you, duck when you see that microwave pencil!

Either that or carry a Pizza Pop with you at all times to absorb the microwaves. Both effective and delicious!

  • Let them laugh at you. 

If you do succeed in remaining conscious for their experiments, the aliens may interrogate you. If so, don’t be surprised or offended when everything you say makes them laugh. And above all don’t make fun of the way that they laugh, which has been described as, “a series of whinnying, barking sounds.”

  • What’s your favourite star?

It sounds like a trick question because it is a trick question. Just remember, your favourite star is Arcturus. Trust me. Tall White aliens will always ask you. Be ready!

  • Who is Teacher’s Pet?

YOU ARE! Weird, I know. You’ll have to take my word for it. It’s code, straight out of the alien etiquette manual recommended by the former Defence Minister. If you say it with feeling, this can get you out of a tight spot with armed aliens. “Friend of the Teacher,” will also work but doesn’t have quite the same… je ne sais quoi. Which is I don’t know. I really don’t.

  • Offer to take them shopping.

I know it sounds crazy. A race that conquered time and space and aging and death just wants to go shopping? Don’t shoot the messenger! It’s right there on page 149 of the alien etiquette manual recommended by a former Minister of Defence! That’s one step down from a President so who am I to argue?

The theory is that lucky for you, white fluorescent jumpsuits and nylon go-go boots seem to get boring after a while, so you can increase your chances of surviving an alien encounter just by offering to take them shopping here on Earth.

Testifying hot on the heels of famous former alien-debunker-turned-alien-bunker USA Air Force Colonel Richard French who recently described spotting an alien craft hiding under the waves off the east coast, Paul Hellyer wishes to remind you,”Aliens are not an amorphous species and consequently they have different agendas.”

In other words what works with Tall Whites might backfire with the Short Grays and what helped Paul Hellyer survive as Defence Minister of the first G-8 country to admit the existence of aliens among us, may not work for you.

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Filed Under: Survival Resources Tagged With: Aliens

This Week In Survival – June 09, 2013

June 7, 2013 By Seth 8 Comments

Welcome to Survival Friday here at SOS.

Another Supernatural Week Of Survival!
Another Supernatural Week Of Survival!

If you made it through the week – congratulations! Don’t get complacent though. Watch out for cannibals. And check back here to see who made it through the week and who didn’t yet, as I search back through the pages to figure out what the heck happened around here and to whommmmm….

–>>Report from the beginning of the week. LONEWOLF found something in his garage… uh oh… anyone with a theory?

–>>WOLF MOUNTAIN lives! Is he still being stalked by another werewolf and having dreams that the wolves are coming for him? Maybe we can get to the bottom of this…

–>>What happened to VIANNA?  She evaded the dragon hunters staking out her territory with dragon nets and proton pulse guns with the help of her friend the saber-shifter YAZDIN…

–>> And what about YAZDIN’s ghost tour… did I miss the annual ghost ship tour?

–>>Hey WEREDUDE1 is back. A not unfriendly demon wolf to answer all your questions. Well some of your questions, but only after a looooong wait. Who am I to judge? I wonder if he knows Father Amorth and his demon friend Bob  Or those apocalyptic angels. Hmmm I wonder if one of them is his Great Undoer. Would he admit it? Probably not. He’s been hanging out with his demon uncle. Hey maybe that’s Bob? Bob’s your uncle? I’m gonna ask him. And unless he answers otherwise, I’m going to say yes…

–>> Anyone know a spell for banishing ants? Wait a minute. Why does MARY 5544 need one? Does this have anything to do with apocalyptic angels like  CONFUSED ONE who stopped by here?

–>>  Will  THE BEAST succeed in his quest to obtain werewolf blood for his DNA experiments? Did LycantheProtector help him? What’s his end game anyway? I’m trying to find out…

–>>CURIOUS that curious doesn’t think they’re a leprechaun after this incident…. What do you think? 

–>> Is there another LEVIATHAN on the site? Hopefully not the same one Curious and Lonewolf were dealing with because that was creepy, all of us looking for the holy saint’s bones…

–>> Ask  ALEX... or the ghost of Alex who lurks on the site looking for cherry pie. Ask him what? Anything. Because it really is all his fault. What’s his fault? All!

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