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This Week In Survival – June 02, 3013

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Welcome to the weekly round-up of who’s still surviving – and who might not be – around the site this week.

Another Supernatural Week Of Survival!
Another Supernatural Week Of Survival!

Check back while I travel back through the week that was, combing the pages for SOS messages from around the world and link them below in no particular order:

–>>How insulting.  MARY5544 doesn’t appear to buy the idea that RAINBOW GIRL is a leprechaun. Question for Mary – Who’s the 8th – er, wait, 9th – most famous supernatural survivologist on the Internet, Mary? <<– 😉

–>>Chilling SOS report from PHOEBE4421$$ Is her house haunted? Is  ALEX  haunting her?  Wait a minute! What’s he doing here? Does this mean ALEX has been trying to tell us he’s a ghost? Or is he still trying to prevent me showing up at his school with a camera to scan him?

–>> I hate when the ghosts page sneaks up on me like this. Can VAMPIRE28 help out with the hauntings around here? While I go hang out with the fairies, who are normally less scaries…

–>> Urgent warning from dragon VIANNA this week. A pair of monster hunters armed with photon pulse guns, trying to trap a full-grown dragon alive. How would you deal with this one?  

–>> Emoticon dare from BLAZE here…got an emoticon story to tell?

–>>Good old RUSTY. After VIANNA rescued him last week …. is he really going to eat visit his grandmother half shifted? What is it about werewolves and grandmas anyway?  Any transformation reversal tips? Nobody really talks about that part. See what MORGAN suggests here.

–>>This looks bad. Why does THE BEAST want WW blood? And look who’s talking about giving him some!

–>> WOLF PRINCESS is back with a message in Latin. What does this one mean? I hope it’s a message of peace after the chaos that saw TIME and HALFBREED head for the hills…

–>> A friendly reminder from LYCAN THE PROTECTOR to keep on keeping on.
Will he seriously help THE BEAST with his experiment?

–>> CURIOUS explains to mary5544 about M-shifting…will it help her with her partial shifting problem?

Zyboragon SOS Hall of Famer

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Hall of Fame Announcement
Hall of Fame announcement in progress…

In keeping with my pledge to catch up on the Hall of Fame inductions around here, I invite you to take a minute to read about the next SOS Hall of Famer to be inducted on Sunday, June 02. You may be surprised! I know I was.

Fast Fact About Zyboragon:

Zyboragon

1. Zyboragon is a green water dragon whose scales are very valuable and change color with the seasons. He has a prosthetic metal arm, if I’m not mistaken, the result of a long ago battle gone wrong.

2. He fought in and survived the dread Void Wars with minimal casualties. Unless you count aging an extra few hundred years and getting hit by a comet.

3. In fact, personally I think the Void Wars made Zyboragon stronger or at least wiser because he has kind of become famous around here for pithy, paradoxical and inspiring statements including:

It’s not what you are that determines what you can do.

It’s always a good time to learn.

A different approach, interesting but boring!

Making a difference is a simple as taking five minutes from your day to help someone else.

4. Zyboragon is uniquely capable of surveiling the supernatural weather and has saved many lives with his timely alerts.

5. Like any older dragon who is excellent at meditation, he is prone to loooooooooooooog, very long, many-O naps upon his treasure, which he keeps in a secret location. Which as of today, there is a standing bounty for anyone who can correctly pinpoint Zyboragon’s dragon lair full of treasure. (Or narrow it down, at least.)

*Note, results obtained by torture will not be accepted. Reasonably polite taunting however, is permissible. 

6. Because in Zyboragon’s secret lair he may or may not have stashed Forresst Fenn’s treasure – along with whatever other treasure he has dragon-ed away.

(You may recall how Zyboragon taunted my St. Patrick’s Day efforts to obtain this treasure for myself. I know I certainly do!)

7. Used to possess a coveted wormhole key that enabled him to teleport people. Does he still? Only one way to know for sure.

8. For more info about Zyboragon, please see his Survivor of the Month profile here.

9. Or you can just say hi to Zyboragon by posting a reply to any one of his comments below. If he’s not asleep or on a personal mission, he might just answer you back!

10. Leaving this one open for something good because you can’t leave a list at 9 but I want to save this for something good.

Leprechauns to Rainbow Girl Please Stop Eating Our Rainbows

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Leprechauns are livid this week over an Internet campaign urging kids to eat rainbows instead of fries.

Rainbow eater angers leprechauns
Is this little rainbow eater really a leprechaun?

A global Internet sensation who goes by the name Rainbow Girl crashed a fast food press conference this week, urging kids to turn away from fast food and turn to Rainbowarianism, that is the eating of rainbows.

In fact the little rainbow Rambo recommends every kid in the world eat an entire rainbow, every single day.

“It’s bad enough they used to be after me Lucky Charms now I have to defend me rainbows? Those hungry little ~bleeps~ what will it be next? Me shoes?” writes Samuel the Leprechaun who alerted me to the situation.

“Do you know how many kids there are in the world? Over two billion. Do you know how many rainbows there are? Well nor does I – but not two billion. The sky simply cannot sustain them all.”

Leprechauns, who rely on rainbows for transportation, navigation and self-defence as well as, it should be admitted, entertainment, fear a global shortage of rainbows will force these two billion new rainbowairians to begin looting leprechauns, who are known to wield secret rainbow generation technology for personal use.

Samuel adds that global efforts to recover many missing pots of leprechaun gold at rainbows’ ends will also be seriously hampered by roaming rainbow eaters.

“When the end of yer rainbow takes ye to a rotten rainbow eater’s entrails, there’ll no be a pot o’gold in it, I tells you that for free!”

The whole campaign, which features a website, song and show devoted to glorifying the consumption of rainbows, makes Samuel misty-eyed for the old days of when web pranksters would stop at nothing to simply puke a rainbow.

“At least they were giving something back,” he said.

The Internet’s 8th most popular supernatural survivologist, Seth Greening, meanwhile, speculates that Rainbow Girl has a highly suspicious leprechauny look about her.

“Either Rainbow Girl is a leprechaun herself or she has found a way to become a leprechaun through Rainbowairianism,” stated Seth, conveniently interviewing himself between shifts at his pizza delivery day job. “Either way somebody clearly needs to scan her, immediately before she turns the whole world into leprechauns!”

Devoted Demon Celebrates 160, 000th Exorcism With Father Amorth

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In supernatural news today, famed exorcist Father Gabriele Amoth thanked his devoted demon friend Bob on the celebration of his 160,000th exorcism.

Thanking Bob on his 160, 000th exorcism.
Thanking Bob on his 160, 000th exorcism.

Head of the International Association of Exorcists, Father Amorth announced today that he has officially performed the 160,000th exorcism of his illustrious career, largely thanks to his devoted demon friend, Bob.

Father Amorth, who has been an exorcist for roughly 10,000 days since he began in 1954, has therefore performed an average of 16 exorcisms per day. Assuming an 16 hour work day, every day, for 27 years without a break this amounts to one exorcism per hour. With travel time between exorcisms factored in, this exorcist is busier than Santa on Xmas day.

“Obviously I could not have achieved this ungodly number of exorcisms without some help,” stated the Father. “I owe it all to God, first and foremost, but also to my best go-to demon friend, Bob who is always there on schedule, right when I need him most.”

Notoriously bashful, the demon known only as Bob declined to be photographed on the occasion of his 160, 000th exorcism but the following statement was read to the supernatural press:

“Do I like flinging stuff around the room and making people vomit for like, 16 hours a day? Not exactly. Okay, maybe I did at first, just a little. But no, I do it for Father Gabriele. It means a lot to him, being the head of the International Association of Exorcists. If it makes him happy to yell at me in Latin and wave holic relics in my face all day, every day well then, I guess it makes me happy too. We demons are nothing if not devoted. And there are worse assignments here on earth, trust me.”

Bob did admit, however, that he might be looking forward to Father Gabriele Amorth’s retirement, noting that other, less exorcisey Fathers and even the Pope himself only perform three or four exorcisms over an entire career, a much more relaxed pace for demons. 

“I’ve always wanted to take up yoga you know or read a little Harry Potter without setting off a supernatural crisis,” said Bob. “Maybe when we retire I can try again.”

Dragon Moon Survivor of the Month

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Thanks for helping me keep on keeping on!
Thanks to everyone who helps make Survival possible. Without you there would be no Survival.

Why is the Dragon Moon always so crazy? Among other things, I’ve been sifting through messages from two survivors claiming to be Sydney and Mauricio all month. They say they have true info about werewolf Louis Pine’s disappearance. Is it a hoax? I don’t know yet but their messages remain in moderation until I can corroborate their story.

…
Meanwhile, thanks to everyone else who contributed to Survival on this Dragon Moon. Graham and I finally spun the app and it’s official, we have a new Survivor of the Month. For those who don’t know, Survivor of the Month is a very small thank you prize, randomly given to a survivor who contributed their knowledge, imagination and concern to the cause of supernatural survival this month. Each helpful or enlightening or imaginative survival-oriented comment earns you one “ticket” in a draw on the full moon and if you survive, your prize arrives in the email. Or else you can donate the prize to another survivor, a la Mr. Mutt – Devorah pay-it-forward style.

Of course, I don’t need to remind you, Survival is it’s own reward.

Guess The Survivor of the Month:

1. This Survivor summoned an old goddess with one of his first SOS messages. No easy feat!

2. This Survivor knew something was up when he noticed that he healed in the shower.

3. This Survivor is helping some other survivors on a dangerous quest that he must complete by June 06 without alerting his adoptive human parents to the situation.

4. But the situation so far looks pretty dire and his coalition appears to be falling apart…

5. On the bright side, he seems to have ahem, licked his old drooling problem.

A Demigod Named Jack

Spare a drachma for the newest Survivor of the Month, a demigod named Jack.

Jack always thought he was human like the rest of his family until one day strange things started happening including strange dreams and spontaneous healing in the shower.

Suspecting that he might be a demigod, possibly a halfblood son of Poseidon, Jack sought the wisdom of the elusive Goddess of Fate and to everyone’s surprise, received a reply and some advice from her, thus confirming his probable status as a demigod.

(For those who don’t know or remember the Goddess of Fate, she is the daughter of Artemis and Poseidon and responsible for the fates of many, if not all, the demis on the site. It’s a huge responsibility that takes her to the ends and depths of the earth as well as, I suspect, to protracted periods of pretending to be human, so she can hide from  us all.)

Having confirmed his status as a demigod, Jack went on to seek and share information he discovered about sending Iris messages, rock singers making prophesies on stage and other valuable info.

More importantly, he helped marshall a group of Demigods searching for their training camp. For a while it seemed he was hiding in the woods, sleeping in the trees to keep the monsters chasing him away from his family but now it seems like he has identified his adoptive parents as the source of the monsters allied against him. There’s a lot of them, and he could still use some help.

(There’s no word if the other demigods, Connor , Shadow Rider and Shadow Warrior  and Daughter of Zeus are still with him after an argument broke out in their ranks about the true source of the forces aligned against them. Is it really Hades as the Daughter claims? Or could it be Hera again? Or somebody else?)

I’ll have to wait for the reports to come back, if they survive. As Curious so accurately points out, sometimes its hard to send a message when you’re busy fighting so you have to wait.

Thanks to everyone who contributed to SOS this month. You keep me keeping on. Without you there would be no Survival.

SOS Hall of Fame Announcement, Dragon Moon 2013

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Hall of Fame Announcement
Hall of Fame Announcement

Dragon Moon, 2013 – It has come to our attention again that several Hall of Famers have been going overlooked on the site. One of them because he asked to remain invisible for a time for good reasons – we know who that was ZYBORAGON – and others just because well, just because Survival gets a little crazy sometimes and it’s hard for everyone to keep up and still survive, even me.

Which is why I really appreciate you Hall of Famers, past present and future. When they’re not off on more important missions, you help me and everyone survive, moon after moon. For those who don’t know, Survivors are randomly inducted into the SOS Hall of Fame when they have demonstrated an ability and willingness to inform and otherwise help save other Survivors on the site – including me – using their knowledge and imaginations over the long haul. In many cases, Hall of Famers have been helping us all survive for several years.

Meet the Goddess of Fate

Goddess Of Fate

1. This Hall of Famer has a historic grudge against the lower angelic beings, like a certain Seraph named Cupid, along with Aphrodite.

2. This Hall of Famer once had a ring, you spin it one way and it turns into a shield when you spin it the other, a sword.

3. This Hall of Famer was inducted into an important Pantheon on certain Tuesday in 2010, trained by her dad, Poseidon.

4. This Hall of Famer is prone to very descriptive, specific and helpful warnings, suggestions and predictions about the future. I for one I have never died as a result of not doing or doing anything she warned me to not do or do. (Although I did go without new shoes for a very long time one year…)

5. This Hall of Famer has a pet unicorn cow adopted by accident. (It followed her home after she named it.)

6. Has a special affinity for werewolves on her mothers’ side.

7. Can dream travel on occasion and likes to receive dream turkey. Like for sandwiches.

8. May be summoned with an offering of ww fur, ww tears and any type of blood and just throw it into a river or lake or ocean.

9. Celebrates Hephaestus’s b-day and…

10. Has silver hair.

Have You Met the Goddess of Fate?

Goddess Of Fate

Yes that’s right, at SOS we have met the Goddess of Fate and can report that she looks exactly like this photo, above.

Er okay, well she’s probably hiding behind one of the pillars in this photo of the Parthenon. But if you woke up one day to discover that you were responsible for the fates of mortals and half-mortals, you would probably hide in the Parthenon too. Can you imagine all the mis-informed people who would stalk you if they knew? All the people who didn’t like their fate, following you around begging for changes…

Okay, yeah maybe I did. A little. But that was before I understood that fate doesn’t work like that and also that you don’t get free McDonalds food in prison after all. What a relief to know the Goddess doesn’t write your fate in stone or even sew it into a rug or whatever like the old days. It’s just kind of like, she lays out possible futures, keeping track of them all as they unfold and making sure everyone is informed who needs to be along the way. It’s a valuable service, mainly for the gods if you ask me. And she won’t actually tell you exactly how she does this, that’s a secret. But we do know it involves water – because her dad is Poseidon and possibly animals because her mom is Artemis.

Which doesn’t mean the Goddess won’t drop in and hang out with us from time to time. From time to time she will drop in with hints from the fate line you might be travelling. Or occasionally just to say HI! Because underneath all her fately responsibilities, she is just a simple god like everybody else. She accepts offerings of turkey or pancakes NO GOATS PLEASE! (She has lots of friends who are half-goat and it makes her really upset.) She doesn’t even drive a chariot, not even a water chariot – or at least she didn’t last time I checked. In fact the only thing that really gives her away as a goddess is her silver hair.

So next time you are facing a war like situation or one involving the gods, you might think to check with the Goddess of Fate.  She once said you could try leaving a message for her here or you could try on another one of her comments, just don’t forget to leave a handful of werewolf fur or tears or blood. I will post some links below from the last three years. I can’t guarantee they will work, but it’s always worth a try.

A few links:

* Demigod Weapons

* Controlling Fate

* Advice to Another Demigod 

* Dream Travelling

* Demigod party for Hephaestus Birthday

* Responsible for Demigods

                                                                  …and many, many more!