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Archives for December 2012

Mayan Daykeeper: Everyone Relax! The World Ends All The Time!

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The global search for one real Mayan Daykeeper intensified this week after Australian Prime Minister Julia Gillard released a terrifying video confirming the globe’s worst 2012 fears namely: K-Pop is pathologically catchy and the Mayan calendar prophesy is absolutely true – the world will in fact end on December 21.

Australian PM validates Mayan Prophesy - the world will end on December 21

World leaders, journalists and yes, even Supernatural Survivologists – at least the top 38 most reliable ones on the Internet! – all went in search of one man:  Leonzo Barreno, the last living Mayan Daykeeper. Okay, so maybe not technically the LAST last living Mayan Daykeeper –  but  definitely the last one with a cell phone and a publicist.

Still even a Mayan Daykeeper with a cell phone is hard to track down in 2012. Especially when he doesn’t want to be found! Professor Barreno has been on the run for nearly all of 2012, hounded by humans begging him to save the world from the dread Mayan prophesy.

“Just one more year! they beg and beg. Sometimes they offer me money,” said Professor Barreno, when I caught up with him at his secret igloo hideaway in snowy Sasquatchewan near the North Pole where he is currently hoping for a glimpse of Santa Clause or at least the Icelandic Yule Cat. “I just tell them a real Mayan Daykeeper does not accept money. Although we do appreciate a nice gift certificate every now and again…” he hinted.

Astonishing news considering the Mayan Daykeeper’s job is to keep track of the different cycles of time and to perform the rituals that keep it going from year to year. Basically his job is just to keep time going! So just how many iTunes cards will it take to keep the world from ending this year?

Mayan Daykeepers do not accept money for saving the world every year on Dec. 21

“Oh well save your gift certificate because you can’t keep the world from ending,” the Daykeeper admitted. “I don’t usually admit that but you look like you need the money. Besides, I thought you had pizza.”

At this point I had a secret too. I did have pizza. But I wasn’t about to give it to him. The first rule of Supernatural Survivology is to stay calm and keep on…

“YOU MEAN YOU WOULD JUST LET THE WORLD DIE???!!!!!”

“Well yes. That’s part of my job.” he replied.

Some job! Even Graham can do that! 

“The world dies every year at this time. In fact it dies each day. When the sun sets or when the crops are harvested. The world is constantly dying. The role of the Mayan Daykeeper is to make sure things get going again by keeping track of time and performing the proper rituals.”

Many of these rituals appear to involve an open flame – like the one shown here.

But Daykeeper Leonzo says that the Daykeeper can’t do it alone. Everyone has to help renew the world by performing his or her own firey rituals for this time of year. Whether it’s lighting the Yule log or the Menorah or the Christmas tree or just putting some candles in your pizza or Santa Claus cookies – every little bit helps to keep the flame of hope alive for another year.

“But not me. I’m through with all that! Those rituals are too hard on the old knees, so I traded in my poncho and candles for some PhDs. I’m Professor Daykeeper now, I just tell other people what to do.”

But Professor Daykeeper did agree to give me one thing to help save the world – after I gave him some of my pizza. He gave me a traditional Mayan trick to mark the year and extend time. So please, stop back here around December 20 if you can and help save the world!

 

The Daykeeper is hiding out in Sasquatchewan near the North Pole.

 

 

The Hybrids: They Are Not Just a hybrid!

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In response to repeated gentle and polite requests from friend of the site, legendary survivor and Hybrid Mr. Mutt… I present to you… the preliminary page for Hybrids!… Ta da!

Now normally I don’t like to put things up unless I feel I can present the information with some completeness but due to the rarity of Hybrids the extremely small sample sizes (even for supernatural survivology research which is notorious for small sample sizes) have made it extremely challenging to gather sufficient data in a manner that I could feel fairly confident of my results. However the time has now come to reward Mr. Mutt’s patience and just put the page up already!

So for those of you wondering what a Hybrid is first of all I am going to tell you what they are not. They are not hybrids.

Well I mean I guess technically they are in the same sense that all squares are rectangles but not all rectangles are squares.

All Hybrids are hybrids but not all hybrids are Hybrids.

Confused? If so you are not alone.

Let me try to explain.

First of all a hybrid monster is a monster that is actually two (or more) types of monster at the same time. Some common examples are werewolf-vampire hybrids (sometimes known as werepyres and/or vampwolves) but they can be just about any combination. Cyborgs for example are sometimes considered hybrids because they are part human and part robot. Zombies however are not considered hybrids in supernatural survivology circles because their human part has been overwhelmed by their zombie part.

On the other hand Hybrids (always with a capital H) are a very specific type of combination. Vampire Werewolf and Angel. Not necessarily in that order. Perhaps Mr. Mutt can let me know some details that will help me put have some more specific info up on this page.

One thing I do know from all the Hybrids I have met they are all universally awesome. What’s that? How many have I met?… Well as far as I know just one, Mr. Mutt. Like I said small sample size. Anyways at various times there have been a lot more or a few more Hybrids kicking around but there have been a number of cataclysmic events that have significantly altered their population. I want to post some links here to those events but I am unsure where they are right now so I’ll put them up as soon as I find them… I know I left them somewhere.

Are you a Hybrid? Do you know a Hybrid? Are you a Hybrid scholar or just a survivor with facts to share or questions to ask? Have you ever seen a flaming flying wolf soaring overhead? Still confused? Think I just put up a page with not enough info on it?

Well if so then let me and the community of survivors know by posting in the comments below.

Also check back later for more information as it becomes available. Right now I have to go take Naya to watch a documentary about some form of gnome or something, I forget what it is called but I heard that there may be some footage of a dragon in it somewhere too so I am excited to go see it. However as excited as I am to go see it I am even more surprised that she suggested that we go see that. Normally she only wants to see “human” movies but it’s in 3D so maybe she likes that. Anyways I have to run so I’ll talk to you later.

Thanks,

Seth

Cyborgs vs Robots: Finally Somebody Takes Us Seriously!

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Cyborgs and robots react to the exciting news: Cambridge researchers are urging the world to stop treating them as the stuff of science fiction and start thinking of them as a part of reality!  A potentially threatening part of reality!

Cyborg J.D. Hancock going to Cambridge University

Scientists at the Center for Existential Risk made a big announcement this week. They resolved to devote their department to study the reality of artificial intelligence and its impact on humanity’s future.

And while cyborgs like this one, couldn’t be more pleased, robots are said to be *very concerned*

“Finally someone believes me!” said cyborg J.D. Hancock (right). “I’ve been warning the humans about this for years. Robots are not cute little sidekicks with bleepy lights and handy tool compartments like you see in science fiction. They’re actually really, really mean! Look, they took my face!”

Professor Jaan Tallin, one of the founders of the Center for Existential Risk and known fan of survival himself, puts it this way on his blog:

“People sometimes complain that corporations are psychopaths, if they are not sufficiently reined in by human control. The pessimistic prospect here is that artificial intelligence might be similar, except much much cleverer and much, much faster.”

Faceless cyborg, JD Hancock could not agree more.

“Exactly what I’ve been saying! Like, they took my face. A whole gang of them. They jumped me and told me to stop acting like a human bleeeeep and one of them had a knife for a hand and the other ones held me down and next thing I knew, he had my face. It was my favourite one too.”

While the Cambridge scientists will work with Professor Tallin to determine just how much of a threat artificial intelligence could be to the world, cyborg JD Hancock hopes to tell his story to the researchers and hopefully learn more about the gang of angry robot pride activists who took his face.

“Did I mention they took my face? That’s just not nice.”

Robot denies taking cyborg's face.

But in a recent interview, Robot 4U2C (left) indicated with a series of bleeps and vibrations that he was quote *very concerned* about the prospect of an entire university department devoted to describing all the ways that he and his kind wil be a threat to the world.

*It’s not fair! Do you know how much one professor can talk? Let alone a entire department of them? We robots do not stand a chance.*

Further, 4U2C categorically denies taking JD Hancock’s face.

*Do I really look like somebody who would steal a face? He probably just forgot it somewhere.*

 

Moon Song: Frost Moon Survivor of the Month

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Singing About Moon Song

Actually it’s not just one song but several.That’s how it is with Singing Wolves like Moon Song. They can’t help themselves. And who would want them to? If your howling voice was magic and the vibrations of your words could make change in the world, it would be your duty to use it.

Here’s an example of one of Moon Song’s powerful songs. Be careful reading it and whatever you do don’t reproduce it, because see we’re still not sure what it does. It could summon another crow. Or turn you into one. I don’t know. The jury is still out  and the crows keep coming. Survivors like Z, Mitsuzo and Mr. Mutt are currently looking into Moon Song’s murder of crows, but read the Crow Song (silently!) and judge for yourself:

How the crow flies on wings of dark
In his wake, death and decay

A soul of anger and eyes of hate
Herald the cry of the crow

Moon Song has a special thing about crows. They follow her everywhere she goes. It started with only three, and then it grew to nine. (You will know these crows by their mysterious white tail feather.)

Now, as a general rule, I find it best to be wary of individuals who have special relationships with crows! But when it comes to Moon Song you have to make an exception because while her wolf form is pretty terrifying, her human form is friendly and will probably say hi if you’re new. Plus she has filed many, many helpful SOS reports on the site. Here are a few good examples:

1. Moon Song reports about three demi-gods at her school. She suspects they are sons of Thor. Every wondered how to identify a real life scion of Thor?  You can read her description here. 

2. A terrifying report about werewolf hunters here.

3. A follow-up warning about the difficulty of removing blood from super-thick werewolf hair. Less important maybe, but still much appreciated. Is there special shampoo for that?

These are just a few examples. As you probably recall, she has been instrumental in organizing her neighbourhood zombie apocalypse survival team so feel free to ask her for tips. (Just watch your sarcasm – she’s not a fan of it. And try not to corner her in a small space because like many WWs, she is claustrophobic.)

However you might want to read the latest update from Moon Song here first. This is where I realized the crows are gathering around her. Why? We don’t know yet. Got a theory or at least a bag of bread crumbs? You might want to let her know because understandably, we are all a bit concerned about this new development. It’s not uncommon for Survivors to come and to go around here, reporting in when they can with tales and news that will help other survivors. That’s all part of survival, sometimes we have to go underground. But Moon Song appears concerned about the hunters and also about her friends parents who work for A-51. Are the crows gathering to protect her? Or something else?

(Many apologies for the belated Survivor Profile and replies this month. There has been much craziness at SOS HQ. I’ll tell you all about it soon but in short, it involves the ongoing investigation of  an incredible plot brought to my attention on the Frost Moon by the mysterious A.H.)