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Survivor of the Month: Singing Moon or Harvest Moon 2012

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Well the howls are fading with Harvest Moon and the Singing Wolves have slunk back home. The moon never did not collide with the Earth and here at SOS we have been celebrating the lowest, slowest full moon of the year with a low, slow contest.

Here were the clues to help you guess the Survivor of the Month:

CLUES: 

1. This Survivor enjoys Friday the 13th and we never did find out why.

2. But luckily it’s probably NOT because this Survivor is a psychopath. This Survivor is member of a little known species of therianthrope (shape shifter.)

3. Is a baker of excellent e-muffins, programmed to calm were-rage.

4. Hates silver-ion shirts even though for her, silver is not deadly.

5. Has a friend who is a real Blue Werewolf.

And that’s all the clues. There weren’t very many this time because this Survivor is a relatively new contributor to the site.   So without much further ado – some ado is in order because hey who doesn’t like a little ado?-  the Singing Moon Survivor of the Month is *drumroll here*….

The Sagacity of Silvermoon

Silvermoon

Silvermoon came to SOS just before the Blue Moon, which made us all suspect she might be one of the rare Blue Werewolves. All facts seemed to point toward it. Consider the clues:

*She arrived out of the blue, a week before the Blue Moon

*She stated that she was quote, “excited for the Blue Moon.”

*Her name, “Silvermoon.” Silver as everyone knows, appears blue-ish in color

*Her photo, in wolf form, has a blue-ish tint

*She stated that silver actually does not weaken her, that her kind is immune from silver-poisoning.

She helped out on the site a bit, handing out e-muffins to Werewolf 13, welcoming a new Survivor and refusing to give Jaffassassin a new assassination contract.

(Yes, I counted that one as helpful, Mr. Jaffa. You might not consider it helpful, but whoever you might have assassinated likely did.)

And now, the prize-winning question. So what is Silvermoon? Describe.

Well the deadline has passed and thanks to everyone who replied to the prize-winning question. In an awesome twist, the winner of the correct prize has decided to keep the game going! Read on and I’ll explain. First, Mr. Mutt recalls Silvermoon’s particular paranormally and writes:

Silvermoon is a mental shifter, meaning that her minds turns into a wolf, leaving only a shred of humanity but her body stays human.

Which is absolutely correct. Strange but true story. So if you see a human girl howling at the moon or running through your neighborhood on all fours, it’s probably Silvermoon. Don’t be afraid to say “HI” and tell her you read about her on SOS.

 

Free the Florida Mermaids

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Mermaids on leashes at the Florida Aquarium

(SOS/ASAP/WTF) Less than ninety days after National Oceanic & Atmospheric Administration report denied the existence of the mermish, news from Florida this week – MERMAIDS! At the Florida Aquarium.

Are they being held captive against their will? Or are they trying to raise public awareness about the existence of mermaids following NOAAs public campaign to deny their very existence.

The disturbing photos show three mermaids, who appear to be on leashes, performing in a tank at the Florida Aquarium for curious tourists who wave and take photos.

The mysterious mermaids, named Katie, Erin and Lauren are said to be human by day, mermaid by night. Their nights are spent in a tank mugging for curious tourists eager to catch a glimpse of their mermish activities, things like: swimming, sleeping, snoring, chatting, or weaving under the water.

The official story from the Florida Aquarium is that the mermish ladies asked to be permitted to perform. That the three mermaids are emissaries of their kind, hoping to raise public awareness about the ongoing existence and plight of the mermish after a controversial report from NOAA  on July 3rd of this year denying the existence of mermaids.

But critics are urging the world to look beyond the bubbles to see the black leashes that tether the mermaids to their tanks at night.

“Don’t fall for their story! Mermaids don’t care about the NOAA report saying they don’t exist. They want us to think they exist. These mermaids were clearly ripped from their underwater homes and brought here in nets, just like the fish. Except that their nets were probably made of silver, not nylon,” one critic writes today.

Today with rescue efforts already under way, the question today is, do the mermaids want to be rescued or not?

Are these mermaids captives? Or raising public awareness?

 

Get Your Ghost Gabbing With Cherry Pie

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New research says cherry pie will get your ghost talking

(SOS/WTF/ASAP) Got a moany ghost in your house who won’t tell you want he wants? Help this week comes from an unlikely source. Hint: it’s all about the cherry pie!

Getting your ghost(s) to talk to you is possibly the penultimate problem of paranormal research. Helping your ethereal friends find eternal rest can be really hard if the only way they can express their feelings is with bleeding walls, rattling chains and banging cupboards.

But what is the best way to communicate with your resident restless dead? It’s a question that has plagued supernatural survivologists throughout history. Well surprising new research presented this week at a ghost convention claims to have found the key. And believe it or not, it’s just this – cherry pie.

As everyone reading this probably knows, I am not a paranormal researcher per sey. I am just a supernatural surivologist. But  the latest research is always an important survival tool. So that’s why when I heard about the Maritime Ghost Conference, I called immediately to see if there was room for me. Or rather the ghost of me. It’s a Ghost Conference after all.

Unfortunately when I called the conference, organizer Ghostly David Hanson knew right away that I was no harmless haunter and would not allow me to register. Apparently my area code is a dead giveaway that I’m among the living. Who knew.

Ghostly David Hanson Sees Alive People!

Fortunately though, for the right price, I was allowed to observe. The Maritime Ghost Conference takes place every year at night on the cool old ships you see at the San Diego Maritime Museum. It’s a perfect opportunity for ghosts to gather in a high-ion flow zone where it’s easier to manifest and talk about important ghostly issues. Like, how to bug the e-meters of paranormal researchers and cause them read their own body ions. Stuff like that.

So what about the cherry pie? Well I’m getting to that. One session aboard the Star of India teaches ghosts how to communicate through EVP or electronic voice phenomenon. As we all know, ghosts generally have important messages for people. Things that need resolving. Business that needs finishing. So they need to know how to activate the paranormal recording equipment in fun ways that will get human’s attention. In other words, the secret language of ghosts.

Problem is, sometimes ghost messages are hard for ghosts to communicate. Either the human voice apparatus was irreparably damaged during his or her passage or the ghost is having too much fun and wants to prolong the mission or maybe sometimes it’s just too hard to say what really needs to be said.

And that’s where the cherry pie comes in. (Like I said this is a story about ghosts and cherry pie.) During a break in proceedings, one of the ghosts started talking about cherry pie. Next thing you know, all of the ghosts are talking about cherry pie, how they would give anything for one more bite of cherry pie. Deep dish vs shallow. A la mode or whip cream. I have never seen a longer, conversation about cherry pie in my life.

“Ghosts just love cherry pie. They can’t eat it anymore but they sure love to talk about it.” Ghost Conference organizer  and paranormal researcher named David Schulz said. “That’s the best way to get a ghost talking. Ask them about cherry pie.”

And that’s how cherry pie becomes an important supernatural survival tool to get your ghost gabbing.

 

This Week In Survival

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French revolutionaries had very long weeks: 10 days.

(SOS/ASAP/WTF) Introducing the first of an ongoing series, in which I congratulate survivors on another week of supernatural survival and try my best to recap the epic events taking place on our pages, who is surviving and how and why.

So without further ado, if you did in fact succeed in surviving this week Sept. 17, 2012 – congratulations! Keep on keeping on. It was a loooong week. Not quite as long as a vampire week, but at least as long as a French Revolutionary week pictured in this calendar.

(220 years ago today, French Revolutionary survivors officially declared that weeks would henceforth be 10 days long instead of just 7.)

Meanwhile, what’s happening around here? Look below for summaries and links:

1. A big week for witches, who survived equinox or Mabon celebrations this week. Did anyone bake and eat a god this weekend? Ask Bebe here.

2.  This week Pauzzis, a long surviving vampire who succeeded in turning half-mermaid with a full-moon spell last summer and survived the Hunger Games, stopped by to say HI and show us her strange new locket. Read about Pauzzis’ survival here.

3. An enigmatic new survivor named Evranth who is a (no laughing please) vampiric were-turtle *I SAID NO LAUGHING*  (Do you really want to enrage a vampiric were-turtle?) Anyway, Evranth, not content to be both vampire and turtle, now seeks to become draconian. Zyboragon has been helping him survive. Want to help Zyboragon advise Evranth? Click here. (Quietly please. Don’t wake our draconian friend You-know-who.)

(If you don’t know who, better for you. You don’t want to know who.)

4. Baxter the blue collar robot was introduced to the world this week. He costs less than a student load and he’s looking for work on an assembly near you. Got a job for Baxter? Check it out. He brings donuts everyday.

5. An SOS distress call from a new survivor. Lucas the Werelord appears to be facing a werewolf hunter and The Doctor is trying to help him. Got anything you can add? Check it out here.

6. Finally, a warning to all survivors about a certain vampiric being name Nero, who appears to have a form that involves a tail and a blood-hungry friend, is lurking around here and here. To be fair, he does appear to be looking into blood subsitutes but well, judge for yourself.

And that’s about it for this week. If I’ve missed anything please add to the comments below and I will add it.

Coming up? The Singing Moon Surivivor of the month. Now this one will be the ultimate test to see if my app is bugged by a helpy A.I. or not. Will the winner be a singer this month?

Keep on keeping on to find out!

 

Meet Baxter the Blue Collar Robot

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(SOS/ASAP/WTF) Robust robot news from Massachusetts this week. Robotics company Rethink has unveiled their new assembly line robot Baxter, destined for the car manufacturing industry among others.

Baxter is being billed as the first true blue collar bot, complete with name tag,  young robot family, a past substance abuse problem and a confused look on his LCD face that says, how did I end up working here again?

But does Baxter have secret, lofty personal ambitions and designs on a corner office? Read on.

An SOS truer-than-true story in progress…

Blue-collar Baxter is capable of common sense and confusion.

But while Baxter’s buzz is about his ability to learn from humans on the assembly line, many suspect him of actually being a secret union negotiator bot, released just in time for major international union negotiations between car manufacturers and their labor unions.

For the low price of 25,000 dollars Baxter comes complete with his own young robot family including robot dog also named Baxter and a box of 24 donuts — just enough to help the entire night-shift crew forget about their disappearing jobs and salaries.

Rethink’s CEO Scott Eckert, says Baxter is capable of growing and learning on the job. Baxter’s programmed WTF? facial expression is designed to communicate confusion and elicit instruction and routine abuse from helpy humans working the line with him, just like any human noob on the floor.

But the timing of Baxter’s release, not to mention his 360 camera head, has many humans wondering if this robot may have a secret and even more successful secondary career as a union negotiator. Just one day after Baxter’s big release announcement, the Big 3 auto makers GM, Chrysler and Ford all reached speedy agreements with their unions who were threatening to go on strike.

So does Baxter secretly have his eye on a lofty promotion, with a big desk and a corner office? Is there a secret union-buster spy bot lurking behind his canned look of confusion?

“Who, me?” said Baxter, flashing his signature expression of innocence. “I’m just the little guy who grips the wrench. How could I be a threat to anyone?”

Zombie Apocalypse Training Camp

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(SOS/ASAP/WTF) A new training facility in British Columbia, Canada offers apocalypse training for both zombies and humans. But how long can this creepy camp play both sides of the apocalyptic fence?

An SOS 99.98% true story in progress….

Zombie Combat Zone offers training for both zombies & humans

The camp, called Zombie Combat Zone, is 57 acres of forest in Surrey, BC Canada alive with undead Zombies who come there to practice fighting humans.

Meanwhile, humans in groups of 8 to 12 pay to try their aim fighting the zombies with special paintballs.

It’s a kind of human-zombie Hunger Games except that nobody is supposed to die. Or die again.

Still the jury is out. Good unclean fun? Or dangerous zombie-sploitation gig? I’m trying to contact the Zombie Actors Guild for comment and will update this article soon.