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Archives for February 2012

New Video – Interview with Suspected Werewolf

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Hail Survivors,

As many of you know, I recently went on location to interview a suspected genetic werewolf in his werewolf containment facility or crib.

Like many suspected werewolves, Louis Pine was puzzled about his lycanthropy status after failing to transform under the full moon. He wrote into SOS asking for advice and many of you responded with helpy werewolf hints and tips.

So when he invited me to help him document his lupine life, what could I say? He even had his own camera. I could not refuse. I set my GPS and hit the road.

I travelled to meet Louis this summer in his crib and well  *SPOILER ALERT*  I survive. I can’t say the same for anyone else.

Also if anyone knows the current WERE-abouts of the survivor known as “Louis,” please contact the site ASAP. He’s been MIA for several months now and lots of people are really worried about him.

Graham is helping me finish Louis’ videos to show on the site. I expect to be posting them in the next few weeks. Until then here’s part of my interview with Louis Pine, suspected werewolf:

Thanks for keeping on keeping on with me.

Seth

P.S. More videos coming soon. Ish.

Urgent A51 Warning

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Hail Survivors!

I just received a disturbing and urgent email warning from survivor and long time friend of the site Shewolf. She had this warning that she wanted me to pass on so here it is.

Area 51 Is planning something BIG! you’ve got to notify everyone! Something very bad is going to happen to all of us! When I last talked to you I was in critical condition and fading out. They took me and help me captive for a very long time. They managed to harness energy from supernatural creatures. All of us. They took DNA samples. Blood samples. Bone marrow you name it! They observe behavioral acts and closely watched for weaknesses and strengths. I dont know what they are doing but if we don’t act soon they are going to end all of us. Seth you’ve got to tell the others. Very bad things are about to happen.

So if you notice anything unusual or any strange A51 activity then please let everyone know by posting on the comments below.

Be careful and keep on keeping on.

Seth

Leap Day Survival: Legend of Leap Day Leaplings

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Leaplings! Every four years they appear on February 29 but why? Is it true they crawl out of the Marianas trench looking for children’s tears, like the legendary “Leap Day William?”

Well no, of course not. Why would anyone trade delicious candy for tears? Ridiculous. Leap Day William is just a silly sitcom creation. The truth about Leaplings and Leap Day has nothing to do with candy and everything to do with controlling time.

Thanks to Her Royal Leapyness, Raenell Dawn for the image.

Recall: Leap Day, February 29 is that mysterious extra day we have every four years, in years that are exactly divisible by four.

We need them  because while a calendar year is 365 days, the earth actually takes 365 days plus five hours, 49 minutes and 12 seconds longer than that to go around the sun. So roughly every four years, an extra day is needed to re-synch the calendar, or the seasons would start to drift.

Without Leap Day, we’d have Halloween at Christmas and Windshield Wiper Awareness Week in July. And that’s just crazy. Everybody knows that Windshield Wiper Awareness week is the first week of February.

So what about the babies who are lucky enough to be born on a Leap Day? Those so-called “Leaplings?”  Can they really jump backwards or forwards in time? Is it true they can give you back one day of your life, if you catch one on February 29? And can they really jump that high?

Well I finally caught up with Her Royal Leapiness, Leapling Raenell Dawn, the Leap Day Lady, to confirm or deny these allegations and our interview was very revealing. Although it didn’t answer all of my questions:

SG: Is it true you Leaplings can jump through time (but not space) 4 years at a time? 

RD:  That’s a good question. Some Leaplings don’t like teleporting through time, but I think it’s great fun! Especially in cyberspace! But oh – we never jump. No, no, no. We LEAP. We Leap, therefore we are.

SG: Is it true that Leaplings can jump, er, sorry *LEAP* really high? 

RD: Funny you should ask that. There is one Leap Day baby able to Leap tall buildings… It’s a bird! It’s a plane! … It’s a Leap Day baby????  yep. “They” say Superman was a Leaper! (in more ways than one!) Here’s a link to that info on our site: leapyearday.com/content/super-heroes.

SG: Is it true that Leaplings and Leprechauns hate each other? 

RD:  What? Who wouldn’t like a Leap Day baby? We rival no one! We simply Leap. Speaking of which…I really must be leaping on. It’s my 13th Birthday!

And that was the end of our interview. I didn’t get to ask Her Royal Leapiness about the whole time gift thing. I guess it’s okay because I still haven’t picked the 24 hours I want to live again. But I’m working on that right now. Just in case I do see another Leaper today. I want to be ready.

Keep on leaping on!

Seth

Unlucky Leprechaun Loses Gold

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Leaping leprechauns is it March already? There’s gold raining from ceilings in France. Okay well it’s just ONE ceiling but it’s a lot of gold!

Several un-named workers at French Champagne company Alexandre Bonnet uncovered a bonafide stash of 497 gold coins hidden in the attic ceiling. When a worker hit the ceiling with a crow-bar, the gold coins rained down on the workers’ heads.

Unlucky leprechaun loses his gold

It’s the most exciting discovery – or the most devastating leprechaun loss – since construction workers in Albany, Australia uncovered a secret hoard of gold coins in the mud beneath an old Freemason’s Hotel.

At this point you might think that construction workers are the luckiest trade people on the planet and you might be right. After all you rarely read of plumbers finding gold…

Er wait. Scratch that. In San Diego last year a plumber named Serafin Trevino discovered 8 rolls of gold coins buried in a yard along with the drainage pipes he was hired to repair.

Okay so the lesson here, if you want to find a leprechaun’s gold, become a construction worker or a plumber. Or at least learn to pose as one.

But it’s worth recalling one thing at this point, the so-called “Leprechaun’s Curse.” Remember, for every treasure found, there’s a treasure lost and more than likely an angry leprechaun spell.

Remember the huge pot of ancient coins, the so-called Frome Hoard, discovered in England unleashed a terrible Leprechaun curse on unsuspecting chef and metal detectorist Dave Crisp.

Until I hear back from Mr. Crisp himself to confirm or deny the reports, I can only conclude that he has been over-run by curse-related concerns: falling soufflés and burning bread, disappearing pants, missing keys.

Now granted, a Leprechaun Curse is not nearly as severe as being cursed by a mummy or a demon. In fact, on the scale of curses, it’s a bit like comparing the common cold to ebola. However as we all know, what a leprechaun may lack in lethality, he or she makes up for in persistence! I’m talking about a lifetime of burnt fingers, missing shoes and phantom phone rings. The kind of thing that doesn’t quite kill you so much as suck the life out of you, drive you crazy and then kill you in a horrible, bizarre accidental way.

So be prepared. March is just around the corner. If you plan to do any treasure hunting or metal detectoring either in your own home or somebody else’s, make sure you’re stocked up on four-leaf clovers first and wear a hard-hat like the professionals, to protect yourself from falling gold.

Zombie Valentine News

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For anyone who missed the big Valentine’s Day announcement from Zyboragon, there’s an explanation for the mysterious zombie valentine posted to the site yesterday (below).

And it’s good news for all you non-cannibals. Zombies have taken V-day to re-respect a 1987 decision to restrict feeding habits to cannibals. Check it out!

20120214-185948.jpg

Apologies to any cannibals out there. However you should be aware, as a cannibal you are in fact at risk of spontaneously developing ZSE anyway and turning zombie at some point regardless. Any further questions or concerns, please feel free to give Ted Turner a call OR join the protest outside Zyboragon’s house…

Iceland “Worm Monster” A Dragon

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Not since the Icelandic Yule Cat attacks on people with old sweaters has there been stranger, more epic news out of Iceland, a country generally known for its strange and epic news. A beast with a large, dinosaur-like body, fins, a long neck and tail and a head resembling a horse – in short an aquatic dragon has appeared.

In Iceland, the historic homeland of dragons and Vikings and gods with magic hammers, sightings of the Lagarfljótsormur is said to portend great events. The water dragon is said to have first appeared in the middle ages when a little girl took a mini-dragon known as a “lingworm” for a pet. She kept the mini-dragon in a linen chest in her room until one day it began to grow. And grow and grow.

(The story is a bit confused on this point, but allegedly the mini-dragon’s growth spurt had something to do with a magic ring the little girl received as a birthday gift. She left it out one night and well, as we all know, not even mini-dragons can resist treasure.)

When the mini-dragon got too big for the little girl’s room, she had no choice but to release it into the lake, violating several environmental bylaws but protecting her home and family. She put the dragon and the magic ring into Lake Lagarfljots because it had the same name as her dragon. And there little Lagarfljotsormur lives to this day, where he is forced to fight off poachers, still pining for his little girl who likely stopped being little several centuries ago.

So why now is little Lagarfljotsomur making waves this week? What is the great event we can expect? And more importantly, why does he appear to have gained some cyborg-y characteristics?

“What concerns me the most is the robotic look of this creature,” said Loren Coleman, director of the International Cryptozoology Museum in Portland, Maine. “Do you know what’s going on? Can you scan him and let me know if he is evolving?”

I told her don’t worry I’ll put the word out to all survivors on the site. I’m pretty busy trying to fix the site with Graham – it’s been pretty crashy since we hit a million survivors. Plus I have to do a double shift at Pizza del Meurto this weekend. But if anyone knows what’s going on with this beast it will be survivors on this site.