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You are here: Home / 2011 / Archives for January 2011

Archives for January 2011

Move Over Robbie Burns; Meet Shewolf

January 24, 2011 By Seth 138 Comments

January 25 is Robbie Burns Day. Birthday of the Scottish poet and infamous Tarbolton werewolf Robbie Burns, who officially turned werewolf at the age of 22 before turning poet a few years later. Robbie spent much of his life roaming the countryside of Scotland, famous for both his romantic poetry and his quicksilver transformations.

“There’s good evidence that Robbie Burns poetic genius may have been rooted in his struggle to accept and control his lycanthropy,” says Raymond Stephanson, Professor of Were-Lit. “Traumatized by early “cribbing” experiments, Robbie became obsessed with maintaining his freedom, at great cost to his personal life.”

He died of a tooth extraction some fifteen years later when an inexperienced dentist used a real silver filling on his rotten eye-tooth and the metal travelled to his brain, killing him 24 hours later. Luckily Robbie’s poetry remains with us, a source of inspiration and comfort to humans and werewolves alike.

So for a holiday based on a werewolf poet, what better way to celebrate than with a poem written by a werewolf?

Werewolf poet, Shewolf, goes by Sydney in human form, is herself obsessed with personal freedom. This enigmatic and mercurial bitten werewolf first came to the site around a year ago and quickly became known for her brooding stories and anti-cribbing and anti-pack advocacy. On the run for several months now, Shewolf now prefers to stay in touch with encoded messages in poetry, like this poem below.

WOLF

“Child tread softly through this wood.

You poor sweet thing. You smell so good.

I could not miss you standing there

with scarlet red atop your hair.

Were you not warned of beasts the like of me

who snatch up such pretty young things,

For who couldn’t resist that doe-eyed stare,

your pink flushed cheeks, or silken hair

and I doubt those fine legs could carry you far

from my violent demons known only to mar,

the weak and innocent young things like you.

Your quivering shoulders suggest that you rue

ever coming here and perhaps you should,

for before me here where you once stood,

They’ll find nothing but your cold red blood…

And whatever might be left of that little red hood.”

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Filed Under: Survivor Submissions Tagged With: Little Red Riding Hood, Robbie Burns, Robbie Burns Day, Shewolf, werewolf, werewolf literature, werewolf poetry, Werewolves

SOS – Featured Webisode – Zombie Autopsy

January 20, 2011 By Seth 4 Comments

Episode 2: Zombie Autopsy
Me (below) ready to autopsy the zombie corpse I ordered online – but Graham’s not sure it’s such a great idea.

Scan your friends!!! – Get the Monstrometer app for your iPhone, iPad or iPod Touch. Free on the iTunes App Store.

Best of all now all of these videos will play properly when you view them from an iPhone, iPod Touch or iPad!

More webisodes here!
Episode 1: Zombiology 101.3
Episode 2: Zombie Autopsy
Episode 3: Zombie Quarantine
Episode 4: The Great Zombie Debate
Episode 5: Zombie Battle

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Filed Under: Survival Videos Tagged With: Leprechauns, Monstrometer, Zombies

Pantsless Pandemonium: Global Leprechaun Attack!

January 11, 2011 By Seth 5 Comments

Leprechauns Attack Transit Riders Worldwide

01/09/2011 – Over 3000 pairs of pants reported stolen today in 50 cities around the world due to a coordinated leprechaun attack on public transits riders. Unwitting stock brokers, teachers, students and buskers all going about their everyday business had their pants magically removed from their bodies, all at the same time.

“I didn’t even notice at first! I always study on the train,” explained dazed nursing student Cynthia, (photo above, glasses, reading Cosmo). “Okay so I wasn’t exactly studying I was reading Cosmo. And the weird thing about that is, I was just getting into this one article about how to get into his pants when I looked up and saw everybody’s pants were gone! So naturally I thought that I made it happen with my mind!”
–
Cynthia expressed surprise to learn the truth – leprechaun activity. Nobody knows when the leprechauns first began these senseless attacks.  For years the world tried to cover up the social stigma that inevitably follows a leprechaun attack like this. Arriving home pantsless, husbands tell wives they’ve been cheating. Kids try to explain the new “pantsing” to their parents.  Anything to avoid stating the obvious – I was robbed by leprechauns AGAIN! Emboldened the leprechauns began to step up their attacks, seeking out increasingly bigger and more public targets. Until finally in 2009, the leprechauns went global for the first time with worldwide assaults on all the major cities transit systems.
–
Having personally experienced this disquieting M.O. first hand, I can assure you it is no laughing matter. It’s not just about the loss of one’s dignity or a full half of one’s clothing, it’s mainly about the pockets. Pockets are very important places for keeping things. Important things like your last five dollars, your favorite swiss army knife and your mighty lint collection. Unfortunately most of these pants will never be recovered, let alone the precious contents of their pockets.

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Filed Under: Survival News Tagged With: leprechaun attack, Leprechauns, no pants subway ride

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