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Big New Announcement – SOS launches first ever SOS interactive ebook

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Archie Hartigan and the Frost Wolf CoverHail Survivors,

Big news the very first – but not the last – Seth On Survival interactive ebook is out. It’s the truer-than-true survival story of:

Archie Hartigan and the Frost Wolf

You can check it out on the Apple iBookstore here. Right now it only works on the iPad but other formats are coming soonish. That is as soon-ish as Graham and I can get it done. (We’re aiming for next week.)

https://itunes.apple.com/book/archie-hartigan-frost-wolf/id635709884

Meanwhile if you want, check out my interview with the survivor who goes by the name Archie Hartigan on the Bone Moon here.  Howling thanks to those wild and wonderful WWs at yourlupinelife for sharing their research with me and for publishing that interview.

Keep on keeping on.

Seth

 

From the world of Seth On Survival comes a new adventure with video annotation by Supernatural Survivologist Seth Greening!

Archie Hartigan was the foremost authority on Supernatural Suvivology in his hometown, until an encounter with a real-life werewolf turns him into the one thing he hates the most – a monster! As Archie is thrust into a world of ancient secret societies, high-functioning zombies and horrors from beyond the veil of time and space, he learns that just because you’re a monster doesn’t mean you can’t also be a hero.

 

Of Zombies and Cauliflower

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First there was Zyboragon’s trademark Zombie Berries, then zombie mints, now get ready for latest news in ZMRT (Zombies Meal Replacement Therapy) *awesome drumroll here* …cauliflower? More specifically, fields of rotting cauliflowers? Really?

That’s the astonishing claim this week from a group of Survivors behind a new game called Zombie Apocalypse – How Cauliflower Saved My Life.

But could cauliflower really be the brainiest anti-zombie weapon in your arsenal? Or just another odorific cruciferous crutch that’s likely to get you crucified?

So when I first received an email about this phenomenon from a Survivor known as Marc, I filed it for further reference. I didn’t want to offend Marc after all he is a longtime survivor and quiet fan of the site by email – but I don’t fall for every marketing fad fuelled by soft science.

(Unless it involves Spray Nine. But then it’s NOT a marketing fad, it’s just The Truth.)

But to summarize Marc’s story, it goes roughly like this:

1. On Halloween, Survivor Marc was forced from his home by a roving horde of zombies. I’m not sure where he is located, judging by recent reports, possibly California. Point is, Marc immediately assumed it was the Zombie Apocalypse. Not just a freak frankenmoon outbreak or pre-apocalypse attack but THE Zombie Apocalypse.

2. Survivor Marc immediately initiated his personal Zombie Apocalypse Survival Plan which involves, among other things, his Jeep, miscellaneous weaponry, some camping gear and other supplies like the free car wash he got with his last fill.

3. Unfortunately Survivor Marc’s last fill was in 2008. Survivor Marc works at home and doesn’t like his neighbours, so he never goes out. Unless it’s a zombie apocalypse.

4. So he tore off through his back yard and into his neighbour, Juan Odey’s yard, the zombies shambling after him.

5. Marc’s neighbour, Juan Odey is an avid vegetable gardener who enjoys planting cauliflower. Unfortunately, he doesn’t enjoy eating it. Or picking it. Normally Juan just leaves his cauliflower rotting in gooey, smelly, pulpy piles in his yard until spring – see photo above.

6. Long story short – too late – at one point Marc think’s he’s a goner for sure after tripping and sinking into a stinking, heaving head of unharvested cauliflower. He writes that the smell alone almost made him want to take his chances with the zombies.

7. But then something very strange happened. The zombies immediately stopped their pursuit of him and attacked the rotting cauliflowers instead, chowing down like they were the most delicious brain take-out ever. Marc remembers thinking, So that’s why Juan doesn’t harvest his cauliflower!

Can cauliflower really save your life in a zombie apocalypse?

The moral of the story is, Survivor Marc still doesn’t like his neighbours, except for Juan Odey. But now they all love cauliflower! The whole neighbourhood. They claim it keeps their neighbourhood 99.98% zombie free. They are planning to plant a cauliflower perimeter come spring.

Understandably, Marc claims that it saved his life. He went so far as to make a free game to spread the word called Zombie Apocalypse – How Cauliflower Saved My Life.

(Although if you DO decide to download his game from the iTunes store, try not to notice how he changed the story so that he is the hero and not his neighbour Juan.)

 I downloaded the game and I have to admit that while it’s very entertaining, something about this story stinks and it’s this. If zombies really do love rotten cauliflower that much, what kind of gardener plants a zombie cauliflower garden year after year? 

A zombie cauliflower gardener that’s who!

Let’s just say, I’m looking into this Juan Odey, Zombie Cauliflower Gardener now…

Zombie Apocalypse Training Camp

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(SOS/ASAP/WTF) A new training facility in British Columbia, Canada offers apocalypse training for both zombies and humans. But how long can this creepy camp play both sides of the apocalyptic fence?

An SOS 99.98% true story in progress….

Zombie Combat Zone offers training for both zombies & humans

The camp, called Zombie Combat Zone, is 57 acres of forest in Surrey, BC Canada alive with undead Zombies who come there to practice fighting humans.

Meanwhile, humans in groups of 8 to 12 pay to try their aim fighting the zombies with special paintballs.

It’s a kind of human-zombie Hunger Games except that nobody is supposed to die. Or die again.

Still the jury is out. Good unclean fun? Or dangerous zombie-sploitation gig? I’m trying to contact the Zombie Actors Guild for comment and will update this article soon.

Hey Zombie Breath!

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(SOS/ASAP/WTF) This is possibly the most disturbing product on the market since the Chinese cannibal pills last spring.

Another SOS truer-than-true story in progress….

Disturbing product for placating zombies

So there I am stocking up on supplies at my favorite supernatural supplies store. You know, just for the usual: muffins, crispy barbeque cricket larvae, Spray Nine and bottles of oxygen water so I can stay underwater without breathing, when surplise! There’s a can of so-called “Zombie Mints” right there on the shelf beside everything else.

My first thought of course was – well good. Finally a product to deal with zombie breath. That whiff of decay that almost kills you even before they try to sink their yellow teeth into your skull. That supernatural stench that almost makes you wish you could join them just so you wouldn’t have to smell them anymore.

But that was before I read the fine print on the back label. The photo didn’t turn out so I’ll just tell you about it. The ingredients lists, “real and simulated brain flavor.” (Along with a surprising amount of sugar for a candy that targets beings with no functioning taste buds. But I digress.) It reads, *REAL AND SIMULATED BRAIN FLAVOR???

I know, I know. I get it. Only real brain flavor will distract the real zombies long enough for you to get away. You just toss a few of them on the ground, then run.

But where exactly are they getting the real brain batter here? Donations? 3D printers? Willy Wonka? Tiny mint-sized holes in humans heads while they sleep?

I hope to get to the bottom of this ASAP but until the company replies to my email, survivors are advised to please use this product at your discretion.

New Jersey Zombie, Demon or Alien?

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(SOS/ASAP/WTF) Sunday, May 27th Hackensack, New Jersey: Just one day after the terrifying zombie/cannibal case in Miami, this terrifying report from supernatural reporter & survivor Mr. Mutt:

A baffling case of self-mutilation is leaving people wondering: Zombie, Demon or Alien? You be the judge.

Police were called to the home of a Mr. Wayne Carter after a neighbor reported seeing Mr. Carter cutting himself. When police tried to stop Mr. Carter he began to slash at them and throw parts of his intestines at them.

*WARNING THIS ARTICLE CONTAINS DISTURBING FACTS* It does not get better from here. Proceed to read at your own discretion. SOS assumes no responsibility for any gory nightmares or loss of appetite induced from continuing to read. 

Another disturbing zombie junkie incident?

The police naturally thought this to be strange, and most survivalist experts agree this seems to be supernatural. However none of them can agree on what Mr. Carter is.

Here’s the facts:

-While there are insolated cases of zombies throwing ribs at their victims, throwing intestines has never been recorded.

-Demons on the other hand typically enjoy mutilating things, and then throwing the pieces at people however they don’t usually mutilate the person they’re possessing.

-Finally Aliens. Some aliens do have extra intestines which they can use to fling at attackers but typically they just pull out the entire intestine and don’t bother with knives.

When asked what he thought a policeman had this to say “what?” which about sums up the situation.

Police managed to subdue Mr. Carter after spraying him with pepper spray, Twice, he is now in the hospital so Monstrometer analysis is impossible. So what do you think? Inventive Zombie, Emo Demon, or a knife-happy Alien?

Mutt Out

What do you think was responsible?

The May 27th, 2012 attack in New Jersey was committed by?

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Naked Cannibal or Zombie?

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(SOS/ASAP/WTF) Miami, Florida – Cannibals say they are “deeply offended” today over Interweb buzz re: the so-called “Naked Cannibal”, a 31 year-old man named Rudy Eugene who was shot yesterday munching on another man’s face in broad daylight.

You are probably familiar with the facts. A police officer caught Mr. Eugene snacking on another man’s head yesterday sometime after 2 p.m.

When the officer ordered Rudy to stop chewing the other man’s face, he refused to stop and reportedly turned toward the officer and growled before the officer fatally shot him.

Was he a nudist cannibal? Or a zombie?

Stories about the incident today have referred to the face-chewing man as the “Naked Cannibal,” a monicker that has outraged cannibals worldwide.

“We cannibals have too much honor to dine buck naked like this,” said notable North Korean cannibal Kim Jong Un.

“Besides, eating naked just causes too much confusion about who to eat.” he added.

“We cannibals favor family dinners, properly prepared. Anyone who has seen my recent family dinner campaign will know this!”

North Korean Cannibals Promote Family Dining

But as readers of this site know, cannibals worldwide have been without their human flesh supplements for almost two weeks now, after a shipment was seized and a police investigation launched into the cannibal pills. Could this be the result?

Or is it the start of another zombie outbreak in Miami?

With Rudy Eugene’s unfortunate demise and his dinner victim now in critical condition, The Monstrometer has been somewhat less than 99.98% effective determining Mr. Eugene’s particular monstromity at this time.

So zombie or cannibal, what’s your view?

Whatever the case, until we know more survivors are best advised to take all precautions for both zombies and cannibals.

The start of another zombie outbreak in Miami?