(SOS/ASAP/WTF) This is possibly the most disturbing product on the market since the Chinese cannibal pills last spring.
Another SOS truer-than-true story in progress….
So there I am stocking up on supplies at my favorite supernatural supplies store. You know, just for the usual: muffins, crispy barbeque cricket larvae, Spray Nine and bottles of oxygen water so I can stay underwater without breathing, when surplise! There’s a can of so-called “Zombie Mints” right there on the shelf beside everything else.
My first thought of course was – well good. Finally a product to deal with zombie breath. That whiff of decay that almost kills you even before they try to sink their yellow teeth into your skull. That supernatural stench that almost makes you wish you could join them just so you wouldn’t have to smell them anymore.
But that was before I read the fine print on the back label. The photo didn’t turn out so I’ll just tell you about it. The ingredients lists, “real and simulated brain flavor.” (Along with a surprising amount of sugar for a candy that targets beings with no functioning taste buds. But I digress.) It reads, *REAL AND SIMULATED BRAIN FLAVOR???
I know, I know. I get it. Only real brain flavor will distract the real zombies long enough for you to get away. You just toss a few of them on the ground, then run.
But where exactly are they getting the real brain batter here? Donations? 3D printers? Willy Wonka? Tiny mint-sized holes in humans heads while they sleep?
I hope to get to the bottom of this ASAP but until the company replies to my email, survivors are advised to please use this product at your discretion.