“Humans see a new study and go all goo brain,”
-Gnargh Johnson, Zombie Actors Guild.
New statistical simulations done by Cornell University concludes humanity would be “largely doomed,” in the event of a full-scale zombie outbreak and offers the advice to get your zombie on fast or slow, by either a) heading to the Rocky mountains to see the very final stages or b) shamble downtown for a quick trip to your impending zombiehood.
But President of the Zombie Actors Guild Gnargh Johnson hopes humanity will take a very different message from these conclusions.
“Once again you humans see a study, and go all goo brained while missing the real point.
“What this study really shows is that if zombies like me really wanted to take out humanity, if we really wanted to destroy humanity… we would have done it by now!?”
“All we really want is some basic undead human rights. Like a decent dental plan.Is that too much to ask for in exchange for all the great films and TV we help you humans make?” added Gnargh before hanging up on me and reminding me that my dues are overdue.
Have to admit – Gnargh makes a good point here but a closer look at the Cornell study reveals some serious flaws in their parameters and zombie categories. You can have a look at their research here and decide for yourself.
Or join me in San Antonio, Texas on March 5 when the Cornell University researchers will present their full findings on the zombie apocalypse to the 2015 American Physical Society.