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Bloodstock Pay With Your Blood! Blood Raising Music Festival Romania

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Pay with your blood to attend Romanian music festival bloodraiser for hungry vampires…

Buy ticket for Romanian music festival with blood.
Buy ticket for Romanian music festival with blood.

Move over Live Aid and Hurricane Katrina, there’s a new music festival to end world hunger on the planet, and this Bloodstock is for hungry vampires!

Romanian vampires revealed their diabolical blood raiser to the world this week, the Untold Music Festival where you can pay with your blood to see acts that include headliners like Avicii and David Guetta.

They’re opening 42 blood collection centers and setting up mobile blood collection units in Bucharest for the festival starting on July 30. They even have sponsors like McDonalds and KFC on board to help revive light headed humans who donate.

“We wish to make a musical truce with humanity,” stated Irina the Impaler, great grand-daughter of infamous Vlad the Impaler whose blood thirst made history. “You have blood and you like music, so why should we hunt you? Let’s work together to eradicate vampire hunger once and for all.”

Ms. the Impaler says the Romanian vampires got their idea for their Bloodstock from Bob Geldof at the last world council.

“Just between you and me we were all like, oh there goes Bob again, reliving his pre-undead life as a big time world charity concert organizer…

But the more we thought about it, the more it seemed to make sense. What better medium than music to bring together the humans with blood to give and the vampires who wish to dine upon them?”

Don'tSuckThe festival is hoping for 500 healthy humans to donate blood in exchange for a ticket to attend the two-day festival and has launched an extensive promotional drive to raise awareness about the event around the globe.

And what will they do if the festival falls short of the 500 David Guetta fans it needs to end vampire hunger?

Ms the Impaler refused comment.

Postcards From Vamp Camp Look Before You Book

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Are you tired of seeing your friends ship off to summer sleepaway camp while you have to stay home kicking around the coffin all day because of your need to stay out of the sun?

Seems like there’s a summer camp for almost every supernatural situation, from demigods to witches, zombies to werewolves. Even demons and angels. (Nobody likes a good campfire better than a demon.) Hey just because you don’t sleep, ever, doesn’t mean you don’t want to NOT-sleep away, like every other young supernatural and his dog. Am I right?

Of course I am, 99.97%. That’s just a fact. Thankfully this year a number of new vamp camps have opened up in several abandoned mines located around the world. But before you book your summer sojourn at any one of these new vamp camps take a look at some of the reports SOS has received from survivors:

Camp Turda:

The t-shirts suck but the mini-golf is okay
The t-shirts suck but the mini-golf is okay

“Hey Seth from Camp Turda.

The brochure says underground  theme park in Transylvania salt mine but let me ask you. What do you think when you hear the words “theme park?” I don’t know about you but I was expecting roller coasters and ferris wheels and things on sticks you can eat but so far the only attraction I have seen is mini-golf.

Worse, the second and third year campers refer to us noobs as “Little Turds.” Like doesn’t that make them “Big Turds?” How is that cool? Whatever. They don’t care. They like to try and scare you in your bunk to see if you’ll step off into the shaft and fall to the bottom of the pit. It’s not that it hurts that much but it takes you forever to climb back up and everybody laughs.

 At least the elevator is pretty fun. We have a contest to see who can push all the buttons before somebody gets in. You get a points for every floor and for not getting caught. So far I am in third place so that’s okay. But I miss home. Or at least Internet. The reception down here is terrible. Be sure and report to the other Survivors about that okay? G2g the elevator’s here and one of the counsellors is waiting to get in.

—>> signed, Darkhawk. 

Camp Wieliczka

Chapel of St. Kinga
Chapel of St. Kinga

“Hi SOS. This place is unexpectedly alright! I thought for sure it was going to SUCK, pardon the pun because A) It’s inside an old salt mine in Poland and 2) All the stuff they tell your parents about how you will do the salt pilgrim route which is basically just walking and praying and praying and walking to these freaky salt statues of the sacred ancestors. Not my idea of a good time. 

So I had this big plan to steal the sacred salt pearl and break outta here to meet up with a few other survivors, but then I discovered the interactive 3D media lab complete with 3D DDR and now it’s okay. I’m still keeping my eyes open for the salt pearl and I wish you could have a real campfire but for now I can report Camp Wieliczka is not too weak-za.”

—>> signed Cindersis

 Camp Bonne Terre

Camp Bonne Terre Mine promises great diving for vampires.
Camp Bonne Terre Mine promises great diving for vampires.

“Guess I should have picked one of those camps in a salt mine like all my friends but when my uncle said I had to pick a camp or get a job in a salt mine I didn’t really see the point of camping in one.

So ya I picked Camp Bonne Terre and trust me the water is NOT this blue IRL. Not even close. It used to be an iron mine so it’s actually really murky and every time you dive in you risk coming up with a rusty old pickaxe in your head. Still, learning to dive is pretty cool. 

Tomorrow there’s an underground botany class when we learn about mine flowers and that should be okay too. I like flowers. There’s also a trout pond for fishing *yawn* and a waterfall you can jump in. 

The best part? I guess that would be the herd of wild mules. Apparently a bunch of mules went feral after being left down here after the mine closed and now they terrorize the tourists. I can’t wait to see them. I’m going to tame one and name it Mike. Keep on keeping on Seth.” –>> signed, Selene

Another Zompire Grave Found by Polish Vampire Archaeologists

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Another zompire grave discovered in Poland by a vampire archaeologist this week proves Poland was zompire ground zero, even while raising the possibility of a fresh zompire outbreak in that country.

SOS warning, the information contained in this report may be disturbing to both vampires and zombies. Read on at your discretion. And please remember, I’m just the messenger… no shooting. Or biting.

A zompire grave uncovered in Poland this week.
A zompire grave uncovered in Poland this week.

Vampire archaeologist Slawomir Gorka led the expedition to uncover a suspected vampire grave in the small town of Kamien Pomorski only to find more evidence for the existence of the dread Polish zompires as far back as the 15th Century.

Polish vampire graves have been puzzling supernatural researchers since the 1950s when they were first discovered.

Survivors know it’s not unusual to find the remains of a suspected vampire staked and buried with a stone on the mouth. Vampire graves like this have been discovered around the world.

But the Polish vampire graves show an extra level of caution was taken with these suspected supernatural beings. Specifically, the suspected supernatural was also decapitated and the teeth removed entirely before a stone was put in the mouth and the whole head placed beside the knees. A clear case of overkill for a vampire burial – but just right for a suspected zompire.

In other words, Poland may have been Mecca for the world’s very first zompires.

Polish vampire professor Titus Hjelm explained to CNN that Polish vampires lived entirely normal lives – until their deaths.

“Vampires were born, rather than ‘made”,” he says. “They were normal people who could live normal lives, not aristocrats living in distant castles. The problems only started when these people died.”

Without a proper burial, these genetic vampires were known to rise from the dead with a hunger for human flesh just like a zombie, but with one exception. The first flesh they would eat to start their new unlife appears to have been their own.

“They are known for eating their own flesh and even burial garments when they rise from the dead,” says Titus Hjelm.

Does this explain explain the stone placed in the mouth of the skeleton whose teeth have already been removed and the placement of the dead vampire’s head beside the knees?

“Such a placement of the head ensured the dead would not be able to ‘reach it’ and put it back on his neck,” suggests zompire archaelogist Kamil Kajikowski.

Also very telling is the placement of the stake. Archaeologists note that Polish vampires are invariably staked through the thigh and not the heart at all like other vampires. Just another sign the Polish people knew they were not dealing with a simple vampire burial but rather someone wanting to go walking.

When will we know the truth about the Polish vampires and how they went zombie in the middle ages?

Soon, if the vampire archaeologists of Poland have anything to say about the matter.

“So far they remain unknown,” says the head of that archaeology department Leszek Gardela. “It is high time to change this.”

We will have to keep on keeping on to find out. Meanwhile, let’s hope these vampire archaeologists are well trained to handle zompire remains and it won’t go missing like that Bulgarian vampire skeleton. Anyone with a theory or a lead on the matter is invited to report.

Is Poland zompire ground zero?
Is Poland zompire ground zero?

Starbucks Supernatural Symbol Scandal Now Serving Apologies, Holy Water

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Starbucks is fighting a supernatural situation this week serving up apologies and holy water to ward off a foamy supernatural symbol scandal fomented by a devilish barista. Don’t be caught in the CROSS-fire, read on.

Demonized barista made coffee and zap water at Starbucks.

The rumours began when Catholic coffee lover Megan Pinion from Louisiana, USA found these supernatural symbols in her coffee foam and grew with shocking revelations from customers around the world that the company has been serving up holy water charged with shocking powers.

“We have reached out to Megan on social media to apologize,” stated Starbucks when the supernatural symbol story broke. “We would also like to apologize to the witch and the demon who likely received crosses by mistake and urge everybody who receives any unwanted supernatural symbols in their coffee to turn them upside down before drinking.”

While the identity of the demonized barista has not been revealed, the story has fuelled speculation that Starbucks has been secretly slinging a supernatural situation with coffee foam and holy water.

Holy water? That’s right. Some time before Megan Pinion found her foam hexed with a pentagram and the number of the beast, Starbucks survivor Greg Allbright discovered that every plain glass of water you order at Starbucks (no ice, no straw) delivers a series of holy shocks.

Allbright first noticed the situation drinking Starbucks special triple-filtered water during a supernaturally boring business meeting at his local coffee shop when the liquid delivered a series of strong zaps to his face and lips. After he started blogging about it, customers from around the world came forward to reveal the same shocking situation happening to them and/or  people they know.

While Allbright suspects a simple electrical charge may be responsible, SOS immediately identified a clear link between the two shocking stories. I personally sent a sample of this special triple-filtered shock water to an official online holy water provider for assessment. The result came back 99.98% positive for the presence of blessed holy ions, making it official – Starbucks is now serving holy water with a powerful charge.

As Starbucks has yet to comment on the supernatural situation evolving within its stores or divulge the nature of its secret holy triple-filtering system – father, son and holy ghost anyone? –  Survivors of every persuasion are advised to check both foam and water before drinking and to turn all cups three times (counterclockwise) for good measure. It’s not clear yet what effect drinking an unwanted supernatural symbol will have on a drinker but the holy water taken alone delivers a series of zaps to your face and lips, roughly the equivalent of a nine-volt battery. While not necessarily a bad sign – indeed this is likely a sign the holy water is working – the effect can be shocking or even dangerous to the wrong being and likely indicates that you are or somebody you know is  part vampire or demon.

And nobody – including me at this point – knows yet what will happen if you drink a 666 latte simultaneous with a grande glass of holy water or alternate sips of each, so take heed! You could find a holy war – or worse – in your belly.

That said, Starbucks triple-filtered water is a generous offer for anyone who needs to stock up on holy water. It’s a holy charge the company offers free of charge to customers. Just make sure to ask for it without ice and use it without the straw for best results.

New British Prince Vampire Like Grandpa or Werewolf?

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Born on the full moon, at the height of the Dog Days, the new British prince has tongues and tails wagging but is he really just another vampire descendant like his grandfather Prince Charles, or is he actually a werewolf?

Prince Vampire or Werewolf

The baby’s grandpa, Prince Charles openly admitted to the world just last year that he is in fact a descendant of one of the very first vampires, the notorious Vlad the Impaler of Transylvania, whose bloody legacy inspired the Dracula story.

“Transylvania is in my blood,” Prince Charles admitted in a television interview in November 2012. “The genealogy shows I am descended from Vlad the Impaler.”

Which means of course, that his new grandson, the little Prince George Alexander Louis also has vampire blood running through his veins.

Add to this a statement made by self-hating Russian vampire politician also named Vladimir himself, who recently warned the world that this new prince would grow up to be a vampire. “This new royal baby is another blood-sucking British monarch whose birth should not be celebrated,” he said.

All very compelling evidence the new prince is indeed a vampire, just like old grandpa Charles. Or is he?

Vlad the ImpalerNot so fast. If the baby is just another vampire like his grandpire, why did he refuse to come out until the full moon?  Vampires are famously very often born on the crescent moon, not the full moon and certainly not on this full moon, the Dog Days Moon, the Mutt Moon, the Ghost Moon? With all that ghostly moonlight and all those new werewolves running around, it’s just not safe for a baby vampire.

But what other evidence do we have the first prince is a werewolf and not a vampire?

Well, consider his name: Prince George Alexander Louis. The first thing you will notice is no Vlad on the list of names here. Coincidence? Maybe, maybe not.

On to the name George. Pundits note the name George appears to refer to Queen Elizabeth’s father, George VI but it’s impossible to ignore its relationship to another George, the George who started it all, St. George, who became famous for, among other things like balancing a spoon on his nose, slaying a dragon! To be clear, St. George is normally depicted slaying dragons on a white horse, with a glowing halo above his head, making him appear more angel than werewolf but werewolves too were known to take down dragons back then.

(Actually back then, everyone wanted to bag a draconian. Almost makes you wonder if Dragons are really jerks or just justifiably annoyed at everyone.)

So back to George. Conclusion on George? Inconclusive.

Let’s look at Alexander. Alexander hails from the name of Alexander the Great, Greek ruler said to have never lost a battle, often depicted with eyes or two different colours, “one as dark as night and the other as blue as the sky.”  He was also said to wield a thunderbolt from time to time and stated that Zeus was his father. Sound like a werewolf to you? Er, not so much.

But wait. Before you shut the book on the case, don’t forget the baby’s third name: Louis. Has a more werewolf name ever been named? Sure it means great warrior or defender but this by way of its obvious connection to LOUP? – LOUP GAROU –  LUPINE…? The little prince certainly appears to have hair like a Louis already.

So, Prince Vampire? Or Prince Angellic Demigod Werewolf? You decide for yourself.

Or better yet, add the new prince to your list of Important People to Scan. I already did. I’ll let you know how it goes.

Big New Announcement – SOS launches first ever SOS interactive ebook

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Archie Hartigan and the Frost Wolf CoverHail Survivors,

Big news the very first – but not the last – Seth On Survival interactive ebook is out. It’s the truer-than-true survival story of:

Archie Hartigan and the Frost Wolf

You can check it out on the Apple iBookstore here. Right now it only works on the iPad but other formats are coming soonish. That is as soon-ish as Graham and I can get it done. (We’re aiming for next week.)

https://itunes.apple.com/book/archie-hartigan-frost-wolf/id635709884

Meanwhile if you want, check out my interview with the survivor who goes by the name Archie Hartigan on the Bone Moon here.  Howling thanks to those wild and wonderful WWs at yourlupinelife for sharing their research with me and for publishing that interview.

Keep on keeping on.

Seth

 

From the world of Seth On Survival comes a new adventure with video annotation by Supernatural Survivologist Seth Greening!

Archie Hartigan was the foremost authority on Supernatural Suvivology in his hometown, until an encounter with a real-life werewolf turns him into the one thing he hates the most – a monster! As Archie is thrust into a world of ancient secret societies, high-functioning zombies and horrors from beyond the veil of time and space, he learns that just because you’re a monster doesn’t mean you can’t also be a hero.