V Rules To Weather A Psycho Stalker Storm
I. When you don’t know the sender, put it in the blender.
Okay I know I just like that because it rhymes. The virtual blender of course. Or brain blender if you will. Unless you have a really good blender, that can accommodate things like flowers and small taxidermy projects, in which case by all means. The point here is just this. Stalkers keep stalking, and stocking, your in-boxes, for as long as you accept it. Do Not Accept. No room on the shelf or screen. Delete.
As cute as that stuffed squirrel may seem at first, send it back unopened.
II. No Friend Zone for Stalkers
Stalkers don’t understand the meaning of friend zone. So no, you can’t really just be friends and unless your idea of a good time is making papier mache hockey masks and dreaming of homicide, never offer to be one. It’s not fair to either of you.
III. BYOH: Always Bring Your Own Hydration Source
Never leave home without your preferred hydration source in hand, properly protected. Two obvious reasons. One, nobody can slip you a unwanted shot of polonium. Two, you’ll be limber and well-hydrated when fan and feces meet.
IV. Safe Way Home
Two things to remember here. One, a safe walk or ride home is not with just anyone you know or anyone bigger or stronger than you who has a car, bike, donkey. If it’s not with somebody you have known and trusted for years, then you’re statistically speaking better off travelling alone or with a true friend at the other end of a connected device.
V. Avoid All Open and Running Water Sources
Why??? Why did they always do it? Go out on the lake? Into the shower? Sit on the toilet? Somehow they always found a reason.
But don’t you. As night falls on this Friday One-Three Part V, just say no to good hygiene and tempting offers to go midnight fishing. And above all watch out for strangers in hockey masks and coveralls.
As always, your survival is my survival!