The apparition of an angry demon causing the disappearance of a cuddly couple on Halloween night has the city of Pickering, Ontario in turmoil today, according to another true survivor report from THE HATTER, monster therapist at large. Is this a classic case of a demon who targets touchy-feely couples or just another excellent lesson that demonstrates the need for a good disguise to survive the All Hallow’s Eve?
Read on if you value your supernatural survival.
First consider the case against cuddling. Demons, like psychopaths, are well-known for attacks on couples prone to public displays of affection or PDAs. For that matter, it should be noted that demons don’t really like private displays of affection or PDAs either. Study after survival study has demonstrated the touchy truth that handsy humans are always the first to suffer in any encounter with a demon.
Primarily this is because demons, while really unholy awesome at a lot of things, generally have difficulty in the er, generative way. This is one of the main reasons they go around making deals for first-borns and popping up in sweaty situations where they aren’t exactly invited.
Is this what occurred in the photo reported by The Hatter? –>>
Look at the known facts. When this Canadian couple stopped for a snoggy sojourn in an empty field on Halloween night, they wound up… gone. Judging by the photo, it appears they may have may have been literally melted into a gray and gooey heap, very likely subsumed into the demon itself.
But wait. On the other hand, this photo, taken on Halloween night, clearly depicts a couple who failed to heed the example of the ancients on this Hallowed occasion. How many times do I have to say this? Why do you think they hid their babies in rotting heads of cabbage? Because they smelled better? Possibly partly, but even so then why do you think witches historically claim this season? It’s not just because there’s new straw for their brooms. Your ongoing existence today is proof that it takes the hard work and good disguises of everyone to keep the supernatural forces of darkness at bay when the veil between the worlds stretches thin.
And the first rule, as every survivor knows, is that while your disguise doesn’t have to be epic, it should at least not look exactly like you. As in the case of these two humans. At least I assume they are human. Although, I would have to scan them to be 99.98% certain, judging by this photo, they certainly appear unabashedly human. And that should be a sobering lesson to every survivor about why we still wear a disguise on Halloween night.
In any case, until we know more, survivors are being asked to recall primary demon survival protocol.
Primary Demon Survival Protocol
1. Name that demon. The first step to banishing any demon is of course to name the demon. Once you know the demon’s name, you know its modus operandi, it’s strengths and weaknesses (numbers, incantations, elements etc.) along with the angel(s) assigned to fight it. So, first things first, anyone know this demon?
2. Avoid any un-ncessary PDAs. Even – or especially – PDAs in dark fields. No matter how much s/he melts your heart, ask yourself is it really worth a melted face?
3. Start planning for next Halloween today. Don’t let that sack of sugery survival snacks lull you into a false sense of security. Next year, this could be you.
Many thanks to The Hatter for another true survival report.
