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Frost Moon Survivor of the Month

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Who will it be?

The Frost Moon is rising to its fullest and frostiest and werewolves everywhere are curling up in their cribs, or roaming free – hopefully NOT in search of angels. Yes, I know this is also technically speaking the Moon of Angels but is that any reason to go looking for a fight?

Why not stop here at SOS instead? I’ll be posting clues about the Survivor of the Month. And this month we will also be inducting one member to the SOS Hall of Fame. One long overdue member.

Enough said here are the first clues. I’ll add some details to them throughout the night. Answers and prizes posted tomorrow….

Frost Moon Survivor of the Month Clues:

1. This Survivor hates wet fur.

2. This Survivor runs with a group of coyote shape shifters.

3. This Survivor is member of a very interesting Zombie Apocalypse Survival team.

4. This Survivor lives in a very dangerous situation. Members of her friend’s family could be A-51 agents.

Guessed it? That’s right it’s:

Moon Song

A small Survivor of the Month iTunes thank you is on the way to Moon Song. Or it will be as soon as I send it! Thanks to everyone who contributed to Survival this month. You keep me keeping on. It may not always look like it, but Graham and I and other survivors all over the globe are always thinking of epic new things we can do with your valuable research and epic tales of survival, so please keep on keeping on. (Seriously. We get dozens of emails every week about it.)

Also, I promised a Hall of Famer this month. Hall of Fame members are not quasi-random like Survivor of the Month. Hall of Famers are beings who have contributed to the survival of countless others here at SOS, including mine. I rely on these Hall of Famers for warnings and reliable research along with general help and goodwill toward other survivors on the site. Like all of us, they come and go on important and sometimes secret survival missions but always seem to keep in touch one way or another. So without further ado, this month one more survivor will be inducted into the SOS Hall of Fame. You will no doubt, recognize him, he’s often the first to greet a new survivor on the site, maybe because of his wings. Yes, that’s right it’s:

Zyboragon

 

Thanks to everyone who contributed to survival this moon. Without you there would be no survival. Please check back for the true account of Moon Song and the Hall of Fame story of Zyboragon – coming up as soon as I send their prizes. Don’t forget to check out some frosty full moon poetry  by Ashpaw if you haven’t already. Or check out the werewolves at yourlupinelife who posted the true story of the Frost Moon along with the epic tale of Louis Pine. (I’m pining for more! When is there more???)

More later! Thanks for keeping on keeping on with SOS.

Of Zombies and Cauliflower

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First there was Zyboragon’s trademark Zombie Berries, then zombie mints, now get ready for latest news in ZMRT (Zombies Meal Replacement Therapy) *awesome drumroll here* …cauliflower? More specifically, fields of rotting cauliflowers? Really?

That’s the astonishing claim this week from a group of Survivors behind a new game called Zombie Apocalypse – How Cauliflower Saved My Life.

But could cauliflower really be the brainiest anti-zombie weapon in your arsenal? Or just another odorific cruciferous crutch that’s likely to get you crucified?

So when I first received an email about this phenomenon from a Survivor known as Marc, I filed it for further reference. I didn’t want to offend Marc after all he is a longtime survivor and quiet fan of the site by email – but I don’t fall for every marketing fad fuelled by soft science.

(Unless it involves Spray Nine. But then it’s NOT a marketing fad, it’s just The Truth.)

But to summarize Marc’s story, it goes roughly like this:

1. On Halloween, Survivor Marc was forced from his home by a roving horde of zombies. I’m not sure where he is located, judging by recent reports, possibly California. Point is, Marc immediately assumed it was the Zombie Apocalypse. Not just a freak frankenmoon outbreak or pre-apocalypse attack but THE Zombie Apocalypse.

2. Survivor Marc immediately initiated his personal Zombie Apocalypse Survival Plan which involves, among other things, his Jeep, miscellaneous weaponry, some camping gear and other supplies like the free car wash he got with his last fill.

3. Unfortunately Survivor Marc’s last fill was in 2008. Survivor Marc works at home and doesn’t like his neighbours, so he never goes out. Unless it’s a zombie apocalypse.

4. So he tore off through his back yard and into his neighbour, Juan Odey’s yard, the zombies shambling after him.

5. Marc’s neighbour, Juan Odey is an avid vegetable gardener who enjoys planting cauliflower. Unfortunately, he doesn’t enjoy eating it. Or picking it. Normally Juan just leaves his cauliflower rotting in gooey, smelly, pulpy piles in his yard until spring – see photo above.

6. Long story short – too late – at one point Marc think’s he’s a goner for sure after tripping and sinking into a stinking, heaving head of unharvested cauliflower. He writes that the smell alone almost made him want to take his chances with the zombies.

7. But then something very strange happened. The zombies immediately stopped their pursuit of him and attacked the rotting cauliflowers instead, chowing down like they were the most delicious brain take-out ever. Marc remembers thinking, So that’s why Juan doesn’t harvest his cauliflower!

Can cauliflower really save your life in a zombie apocalypse?

The moral of the story is, Survivor Marc still doesn’t like his neighbours, except for Juan Odey. But now they all love cauliflower! The whole neighbourhood. They claim it keeps their neighbourhood 99.98% zombie free. They are planning to plant a cauliflower perimeter come spring.

Understandably, Marc claims that it saved his life. He went so far as to make a free game to spread the word called Zombie Apocalypse – How Cauliflower Saved My Life.

(Although if you DO decide to download his game from the iTunes store, try not to notice how he changed the story so that he is the hero and not his neighbour Juan.)

 I downloaded the game and I have to admit that while it’s very entertaining, something about this story stinks and it’s this. If zombies really do love rotten cauliflower that much, what kind of gardener plants a zombie cauliflower garden year after year? 

A zombie cauliflower gardener that’s who!

Let’s just say, I’m looking into this Juan Odey, Zombie Cauliflower Gardener now…

Get Your Ghost Gabbing With Cherry Pie

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New research says cherry pie will get your ghost talking

(SOS/WTF/ASAP) Got a moany ghost in your house who won’t tell you want he wants? Help this week comes from an unlikely source. Hint: it’s all about the cherry pie!

Getting your ghost(s) to talk to you is possibly the penultimate problem of paranormal research. Helping your ethereal friends find eternal rest can be really hard if the only way they can express their feelings is with bleeding walls, rattling chains and banging cupboards.

But what is the best way to communicate with your resident restless dead? It’s a question that has plagued supernatural survivologists throughout history. Well surprising new research presented this week at a ghost convention claims to have found the key. And believe it or not, it’s just this – cherry pie.

As everyone reading this probably knows, I am not a paranormal researcher per sey. I am just a supernatural surivologist. But  the latest research is always an important survival tool. So that’s why when I heard about the Maritime Ghost Conference, I called immediately to see if there was room for me. Or rather the ghost of me. It’s a Ghost Conference after all.

Unfortunately when I called the conference, organizer Ghostly David Hanson knew right away that I was no harmless haunter and would not allow me to register. Apparently my area code is a dead giveaway that I’m among the living. Who knew.

Ghostly David Hanson Sees Alive People!

Fortunately though, for the right price, I was allowed to observe. The Maritime Ghost Conference takes place every year at night on the cool old ships you see at the San Diego Maritime Museum. It’s a perfect opportunity for ghosts to gather in a high-ion flow zone where it’s easier to manifest and talk about important ghostly issues. Like, how to bug the e-meters of paranormal researchers and cause them read their own body ions. Stuff like that.

So what about the cherry pie? Well I’m getting to that. One session aboard the Star of India teaches ghosts how to communicate through EVP or electronic voice phenomenon. As we all know, ghosts generally have important messages for people. Things that need resolving. Business that needs finishing. So they need to know how to activate the paranormal recording equipment in fun ways that will get human’s attention. In other words, the secret language of ghosts.

Problem is, sometimes ghost messages are hard for ghosts to communicate. Either the human voice apparatus was irreparably damaged during his or her passage or the ghost is having too much fun and wants to prolong the mission or maybe sometimes it’s just too hard to say what really needs to be said.

And that’s where the cherry pie comes in. (Like I said this is a story about ghosts and cherry pie.) During a break in proceedings, one of the ghosts started talking about cherry pie. Next thing you know, all of the ghosts are talking about cherry pie, how they would give anything for one more bite of cherry pie. Deep dish vs shallow. A la mode or whip cream. I have never seen a longer, conversation about cherry pie in my life.

“Ghosts just love cherry pie. They can’t eat it anymore but they sure love to talk about it.” Ghost Conference organizer  and paranormal researcher named David Schulz said. “That’s the best way to get a ghost talking. Ask them about cherry pie.”

And that’s how cherry pie becomes an important supernatural survival tool to get your ghost gabbing.

 

The Doctor Of Survival: Blue Moon Survivor of the Month

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Once again the app proves apt because this month’s lucky Survivor of the Month winner is very appropriate for the Blue Moon.

Why? Well cuz as you know the Blue Moon is an extra moon that appears on the calendar every 2-3 years. It pops up at the end of a month that already has a full moon. A quirk of time, like leap years and leap seconds, by-products of our need to mark and control time with earthly devices…

Just like the SOS Blue Moon Survivor of the Month.

Now this is the part where you say…

Doc-Time

DOCTOR, HOW DID YOU SURVIVE? 

This Survivor pops in and out of the timeline, a time traveling were-angel for hire. As a result, there are many versions of him. You can never be sure which version of him you are dealing with. But all of them are pretty helpful… for the right price.

And what kind of assistance can you expect from The Doctor exactly? Well for starters,

The Doctor here. What’s up? If it’s a cold I recommend chicken soup.

That’s what he told Scarly when she had a cold that caused her to transform every time she sneezed. And if that didn’t clear it up then,

Just find a rift, doesn’t matter the size and location then bombard it with a small of amount of tachions. That should open a small black hole that you can time travel through.

This Doctor never met a problem that couldn’t be solved with a little chrono-manipulation therapy. Take is Rx for boredom – Re-visit a historical war again and again. Like the Spartan war. Also sometimes the middle ages, he likes to take a little knight vacay.

(I wonder how he gets his armor? Can he travel with medieval money? Or does he borrow when he gets there?)

Or did you ever find a strange cell phone, just out of the blue? Could be just what The Doctor ordered. He has a cell phone with unlimited time displacement that he might just toss your way in a time of need.

Just be careful which buttons you push or you could find yourself in a time lock, re-living the worst 30 seconds of your life. Okay once he caused a small cannibal outbreak, but hey he looped back to fixed it.

The Doctor likes void stones, swords, his SOS friends including Mr. Mutt, Scarly and Wolf Princess and a good night’s sleep in a time ripe area, that is a place outside of time. (I’m still looking for one of these. Doc says he has one in his house.)

He hates fire, stale pretzels and weak temporal energy fields – who doesn’t? – and of course he does have a few nemeses on the site, including: Dr. Mad, Chronos, Fear and Stigma. Or maybe it’s just Stigma’s demon, hard to say.

Oh and witches. He has a thing about witches ever since a coven of them stole his chrono-flux generation ring. How did he get it back anyway…? I missed that. Anyone catch that?

Anyway The Doctor’s been dedicated contributer to survival, we learn a lot and have a good time whenever he stops by. May he keep on keeping on, wherever or whenever he goes.

Thanks to everyone who kept on with the Blue Moon clues and thanks for your patience with this whole Survivor of the Month experiment. Congrats to Ice who guessed when I asked for guesses this time. I half-expected nobody to guess since twice in the past I put a prize question into the Survivor of the Month profiles and nobody guessed. This time apparently was different! It looks like several survivors knew the answer and could have guessed if they had known they were allowed to this time. Apologies for that. I blame it on the Blue Moon. But next month if we offer a guessing prize I will lay out the game better from the first post. And make the clues harder! Anyway it’s good to recall, prizes are really really small and survival is its own reward!

Thanks for keeping on.

Seth

The Walking Moai

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(SOS/ASAP/WTF) Scientists have finally proven it, once and for all. Stone giants known as Moai, do indeed walk on Easter Island.

In fact, National Geographic scientists have finally caught one in the act of walking!

An SOS truer-than-true story in progress…

When will the Moai walk again?

It’s common knowledge these great stone Moai are actually the revered elders of the Rapa Nui, a magical people who grow to an average height of 13.3 feet tall and weigh around 12 tons at the end of their lives.

Island legends have long maintained these ossified elders would take one final walk to the coast, over 18 miles away from the village, where they would line up for all eternity, keeping watch over their families but never lifting a finger again.

But ever-skeptical scientists refused to believe that stone giants that big could ever walk, let alone that far. They argued that rollers and pulleys must have been used to haul these aged ancestors to the coast so they could stand sentinel for all eternity.

Until just weeks ago, scientists with National Geographic finally succeeded in trapping a real live walking Moai:

Giants snared walking to the coast.

This 10-foot, 5 ton Moai walked right into the scientists’ snare and danced with them all the way to the coast where it became the youngest of over 800 stone giants standing guard over the Rapa Nui people.

“The statue just did its thing,” stated scientist Terry Hunt who led the statue trapping expedition.

Terry adds that he hopes this means there will be more stone giants walking, dancing and even racing across the Easter Island sometime very soon! But nobody is sure how long it will be before another Moai decides to take a walk as Moai time moves more slowly than human time.

Meanwhile Easter Island officials are very concerned about Moai hunters flocking to the island in search of a giant pet rock. They remind tourists that these great stone humans are sacred representations of real Rapa Nui elders, and are not to be treated like a boss capture in some video game.

Further, survivors are advised that if these stone giants are indeed on the move again, any attempt to capture one and turn it into a giant pet could prove fatal. Sure you might impress your friends and family for a while, but do you really want an 80 ton elder asleep on your foot for all eternity?

Probably not. So until we have confirmation that all of these so-called scientists made it back alive, remember if you spot a Moai on the move, please clear the path immediately. Do not interrupt progress to the coast.

Werewolves Beware: Nanosilver Everywhere

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Werewolves take note. That new silver-gray shirt or workout pants could make you a fashion victim in more ways than one, as clothing and appliances made from experimental SILVER NANOPARTICLES have appeared in stores around the globe.

Experimental nanosilver first began appearing in stores around five years ago, when some appliance manufacturers started putting it in air purifiers, washing machines and even refrigerators where it’s anti-microbial properties could help make clothes cleaner, air fresher and your food last longer.

Shirts made of silver are all around us
Are silver nanoparticle shirts a new form of werewolf control?

Then this year, a wave of shiny silver duds crested over the fashion world. These silver-gray shirts and pants, even underwear, made from fabrics coated with nanosilver have been advertised as anti-stink wear for the sweaty but stylish. Nanosilver is now everywhere.

Which raises the most obvious question that nobody is asking, what about the werewolves?

Well nobody except ah, me. I asked.

“Well we know the silver nanoparticles do shed into the environment,” writes Dr. Suresh Valiyaveettil of the Environmental Protection Agency. “I suppose that werewolves would be affected along with the fish and everyone else.”

Almost right Dr. Suresh. Werewolves, as everyone knows, are actually affected first and worst by the presence of silver. Could this supersaturation of silver be the cause of werewolves around the globe unable to transform last summer?

Or the angry green werewolves fought off by Lycangirl07?

What about the dreaded Silver Bloods reported by several, including Ashpaw and Silver Werewolf?

(Not to be mistaken for the Silver Hoods which although only one tiny letter apart on the keyboard, Mr. Mutt assures us are entirely different!)

Is this not irrefutable evidence of silver poisoning among lycan kind?

“I’m not sure if there’s an established threshold for silver poisoning among werewolves.”

Not until you get busy and establish them, Dr. Suresh!

Until there are established guidelines the best advice for a concerned werewolf is just to research and be aware of all these new, unexpected sources of silver that could be present in your environment, from your washing machine, to your local swimming pool to that new gray workout shirt. Check labels and tags and sound the alarm if you notice a telltale green glow in the mirror.