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Shapeshifters

Strange Matter Discovered In Universe

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IS THIS THE NATURE OF SHAPE SHIFTING?

A strange new form of matter discovered in the universe this week confirms what SOS readers have long known, there is more to heaven and earth than dreamt of in your philosophy…

Science Discovers Strange Matter
Science Discovers Strange Matter

Science has discovered a new type of matter they are calling “Strange Matter” at the heart of a neutron star.

It appears to be a liquid form of compressed subatomic particles, even more dense than dark matter.

This discovery means that ordinary matter can be squeezed so intensely that it forms an entirely new, unstudied kind of matter, confirms Dr. Pedro Moraes of Brazil who helped discover it this week.

The new form of matter is entirely unstudied and its properties still unknown, but it could just look just like ordinary matter and have the ability to form physical objects, scientists speculate.

Here at SOS we wonder could this explain the nature of shape shifters?

And if so, at the considerable risk of alienating the shiftiest survivors lurking here on the pages – on under desk or in my closet for all I know! – will they have to stop calling themselves SUPER-natural? 

Keep on keeping on to find out.

This SOS post in progress…

Shadow Hunters Expose Shape Shifting Shadows Everywhere – What is Their Secret?

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As a pair of shadow hunters with the unlikely names of Tim and Sue seize supernatural headlines around the world with their ability to expose and capture the shadow shifters hiding among us, supernatural survivologists express concern.

Shadow Hunters
Shadow Hunters

What is their secret? And how will they contain the shadowy shifters they expose? Are they really waging a shadow war? Or up to something even more sinister?

As any survivor who follows SOS even half-heartedly will be aware, shape shifters in general and shadow shifters in particular are one of my biggest foes.

Mainly this is because leprechauns remain stunted into adulthood by rainbow teleportation, remaining deceptively small in stature, but  also mainly because shifters are just so darn shifty.

When your enemy can disguise him or herself as a tin can or a toaster, you never know what you’re dealing with until it’s too late. Like other supernatural survivologists of 99.98% human origin, I have failed to find a reliable way to identify them and as a result, they remain immune to the diagnostic powers of The Monstrometer.

Enter shadow hunters Tim Noble and Sue Webster. The shadowy duo has solved this age old problem with a secret light source to expose the true form of many everyday objects. And while they’re not divulging their secrets, the duo have been demonstrating their powers to wowed audiences around the world this month.

But what is their secret? And how do they intend to securely contain the shifters they expose?

What is the secret of the shadow hunters?
What is the secret of the shadow hunters?

Check back here as I hunt down the shadow hunting duo for an interview.

An SOS investigation in progress…

Jesus A Shapeshifter? Christian Historian’s Startling Claim

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Was Jesus a shapeshifter?

A professor of Christianity just published this incredible new theory about Jesus based on his translation of an ancient manuscript.

An SOS 99.98% true story

Was Jesus a shapeshifter?
Was Jesus a shapeshifter? Christian historian finds shifty new evidence.

Professor Roelof van den Broek, emeritus professor of the History of Christianity at Utrecht University in the Netherlands, deciphered a mysterious 1200 year old Coptic manuscript by a monk writing under the name of “St. Cyril” who claims that Jesus may have been a shapeshifter.

In the manuscript, St. Cyril writes that many people in Jesus’ time seemed to believe he was a powerful shapeshifter. A shapeshifter who could assume all the colors and ages of humanity and even go invisible sometimes.

(St. Cyril does NOT write that Jesus could assume the form of a chocolate bunny, which is good.)

According to the ancient book, the only way to reveal Jesus true form, was thought to be with a kiss. The manuscript credits this as the real story behind the Judas kiss – that Judas kissed Jesus to prevent him from shift forms before he could be arrested.

“For a man who could walk on water, raise the dead, feed 5,000 people with just a single loaf of bread and a fish, and turn water into wine, such abilities are perhaps unsurprising,” writes journalist Damien Gayle.

How much of this shifty new theory is true and how much of it is just an example of ancient Jesus fan fiction? We don’t know. But one thing is absolutely true is that this story calls for more research into the effect of kisses on shape shifters. I need to see this manuscript! It is kept in the Morgan Library and Museum, New York City.

Shapeshifters

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Oh those very, very scary therianthropes! Should they have their own category? After all, werewolves technically are shape shifters as are draconians, druids and some accomplished witches or sorcerers as well. Granted nobody else transforms into inanimate objects like tables and helicopters and flowers and spoons like a shifter. Those shiftless shifters can’t even pick a state of matter!  So why should we bother?

In a word: QUEST. On the site. The mysterious commenter. Every few months a mysterious post appears by a certain commenter named QUEST describing acts of incredible mayhem and a sign left in the wake of it that reads,  “Shifterz were here.”

Judging by the signs, there may be more shape-shifters than every before. They could be all around you right now. Or possibly you ARE one… do you find it hard to maintain a molecular structure? Then vote for the shifters!