(SOS/ASAP/WTF??) Finally someone with a solution to the plight of the poor human billionaires. After accumulating enough money to live forever, many of the worlds’ richest humans remain trapped in dying mortal bodies, just like the poorest of the poor. Until now.
This week Russian media entrepreneur Dmitry Itskov has formally invited the worlds 1,266 richest people to become part of his billionaire cyborg project, called the 2045 Initiative.
Mr. Itskov’s plan is to turn the richest humans on earth into holographic humanoids who can hoard their riches for all eternity, without having to worry about greedy widows who might squander their legacy on art school and/or bad marriages.
By 2045, instead of going quietly into the good night while your ungrateful heirs ransack your offshore accounts, Dmitry will have you trading stocks and playing online poker and golf with your billionaire buddies forever, never passing on a penny.
But you say, what if I’m a poor billionaire due to die before the year 2045?
Fear not. Mr. Itskov has thought of everything. Until your hologram is ready, he will provide you with a robot copy of your human body by 2015 that you can drive around with your brain for five years until your first Avatar is ready.
Your custom avatar body should be ready to receive your transplanted billionaire brain by the year 2020. But that’s not all. There’s more. You only have to live as a transplanted brain for five more years.
In 2025, Mr. Itskov will extract your consciousness from the organic tissue and transplant it, or program it, into a nice, fresh new artificial brain in an Avatar body of your choice.
This stage in the year 2030 will mark the end of your official human life, and while the last of your organic brain matter may be fed to the zombie hordes (It’s true! Check the fine print.) this is just the beginning of your future as a swinging billionaire hologram.
Because that’s the last step. By 2045 you too can be a hoarding holograph with all the electronic eternity that money can buy. You just have to trust it all to a 31 year-old Russian Star Trek fan. How bad can it be? Sure he’ll probably make a reality show about your e-eternity but isn’t it about time?