(SOS/ASAP/WTF) London – It seemed like an easy bet, with a big cash payout. London gambling houses like William Hill, offering 1,000 to 1 odds on the appearance of a UFO over the opening ceremony of the Olympic games.
Not surprisingly, both aliens and humans alike flocked to the Internet to get a piece of this lucrative action, only to discover some unexpected fine print.
“Graham, we can’t lose!” said one anonymous better who was totally not me. “Look at the director of the opening ceremonies. Danny Boyle? Get it? What is Danny Boyle’s big new gig? ALIENS 4. Unidentified Flying Objects are practically GUARANTEED! How much money you got?”
Betters like this were later shocked and appalled to discover, however, the real wording of the bet in question. Read on!
Graham was still skeptical until I pointed out that even if the director wasn’t Danny Boyle who is currently deep in alien research for his upcoming job, it has already been a record year for UFO sightings. A study released on Tuesday by UFOlogists says there have been at least three sightings every single day so far in 2012.
Okay so the majority of these UFO sightings have been mysterious lights, spheres and boomerangs, but still. Three a day!
And if that’s not enough to consider, consider this. What alien kicking around the earth, indeed on this site, could resist these odds. (Are you hearing me Dazai? Tikiria Ishiu?) Sure, security will be a little tight, but just a little fly by and click-click – it would be enough to make us all rich.
Well it took some convincing but I finally got Graham on board and called the betting house of William Hill. Who proceeded to get all technical with me. Now it seems the 1,000 to one odds are being offered for the appearance of specifically, a flying saucer during the opening ceremonies. Not a UFO. Specifically a flying saucer. Nothing less. What self-respecting alien drives a flying saucer anymore?
The clerk I spoke to was unable to answer this simple question or define what exactly would constitute a flying saucer. I’ll keep trying to find out. Meanwhile, if you have or know of anyone who has, a flying saucer, I urge you to contact the site at your earliest possible convenience so we can make arrangements to save Graham’s money.
GOOD NEWS-BAD NEWS UPDATE: Several flying saucers like the one below were indeed spotted over the opening ceremonies of the Olympics! Unfortunately, it seems like the aliens inside them may be looking for a cut of the profits. Hopefully they’re looking for money and not an superior athletic chest cavity in which to procreate. Stay tuned!