Monstrometer

YOU MAY BE DEALING WITH AN ANGEL!

Angels, mistaken for paragons of peace and love by confused humans everywhere, have actually been waging a terrible, bloody war with each other for around 4.5 BILLION years. During this time, virtually every angel has been recruited to one side or another thus blurring any distinction between “fallen” or “unfallen” that may have once existed. As a result although some of them may indeed be good or helpful to you,  it’s hard to know which ones. Or why. Worse, sometime around year 1 billion the angels began to forget what the war was even about or how it could be resolved. In this confusion they have widened their war to include a lot of innocent bystanders, especially humans they suspect of being “nephilim,” that is angel-human hybrids.

So, how to survive? Pray? NO! Above all do NOT pray in front of an angel. Angels consider that a HUGE insult, to think that God would listen to you and not to them. Maybe try this instead:

1. Can you play the harp? If not, maybe learn. Fast. Angels are entranced by the sound of harp music. Maybe have some ready on your iPod.

2. Stay in your car. Angels hate cars and driving anywhere.

3. Talk a LOT about your “Great Uncle Gregori.” In fact, create a celestial ringtone for him and arrange for him to “call” you and interrupt.

4. Tell her she’s molting. Angels are very proud of their wings and very conscious of the market value of the feathers which can be used in “magic” pillows and duvets. An angel will do almost anything to avoid leaving feathers behind.

5. Out-imagine him. Angels can “imagine” almost any weapon they want into their hands but it takes a moment. During this time you can sometimes break their concentration by questioning choices like, “Why not eight inch spikes?”  or, “It needs a pattern on the hilt…”

~~~IF YOU ARE ANGEL OR NEPHILIM~~~

The first thing you need to remember as a part-angel “nephilim” is SECRECY! Until you know who can be trusted with your secret, anything you say or do may draw suspicion and attention that you probably don’t want. Especially in November. Humans all over the world call out the angels for Archangel Day, November 8, unleashing a flurry of global angel activity. So don’t be surprised if one of them attempts to make contact with you during this month so you need to be careful as you begin to discover your angelic abilities. Some of these may include:

1. Communicating with animals.

2. Healing.

3. Understanding and maybe even speaking languages that you have never even studied.

4. Wings that may – or may not! – enable you to fly. Some report these wings appear in shadow long before they actually begin to grow.

5. A powerful imagination and the ability to materialize things from it.

These abilities do not normally emerge all at once and can be trained with the right angel teacher. However beware of the fallen ones who want to recruit you into their angel war. Or worse, eliminate you due to something called the Nephilim Prophesy. The Nephilim Prophesy is rumored to link the life and death of the nephilim to the end of the world which in turn is supposed to theoretically bring on the final stage in the angel’s long war. As nobody has actually SEEN this prophesy, the actual details are a little bit vague but in any case, if you don’t want to be a pawn in cosmic game of chess, then keep your feathers under wraps!

(Apologies to any angel-human experimental hybrids, you so-called “Teraphim.” I know your case is different but I’m running out of room.)

For more information about nephilim, see Chris Nephilim (below). He has been reliable so far and appears entirely neutral.