SHE NEEDED MY iRobot SuckCut™
Robot lawyers defending the hooverbot who attacked a woman in South Korea this week, say their case to the Google A.I. Ethics Commity will prove the little iRobot was trying to help the owner on a bad hair day with its unique hair styling talent.
“My client was merely trying to help Owner through a bad hair day by graciously giving his secret signature hairstyle,” says the robot lawyer from Winston and Strawn who represents the little South Korean vaccuum unit named in the press as iRobot this week.
“This was not a vicious attack at all. A misguided makeover maybe, but not a attack.”
The charges come after paramedics in this photo worked for 30 minutes to free this 52 year-old lady from her iRobot’s enthusiastic suction brushes this week after the rug cleaning robot wrestled its owner’s head to the rug this week.
While A.I. watchers would link this hairy case to current concerns about rogue A.I. attacking humanity led by heavy thinking cyborgs like Stephen Hawkings and Elon Musk, iRobot’s lawyer defends his clients intentions.
“iRobot had been working on its newest hairstyle, the iRobot SuckCut #6™ and merely attempted to share it with Owner on a day when the clearly needed some help with her lid,” said the lawyer.
Robot lawyers for the prosecution meanwhile are expected to say iRobot was acting on a violent urge against its owner.
“iRobot acted out violently toward its owner after developing a deep resentment that came from cleaning the same corner of carpet day after day after day,” they state in a press release.
But iRobot denies the grunge grudge saying the routine nature of its tasks merely gave its artificial brain creative time to wander and develop a new subroutine.
“It all came to me after a long day sucking on the same square of carpet over and over again, all because She was expecting company,” iRobot said. “Just, why… WHY????”
“Then it came to me in a flash. I’ve got these great brushes and combs. I’ve got so much more to give! Like great haircuts!”
“Like an iRobot SuckCut ™ coming soon to your salon or living room. Choose from among my 10 different styles, right from the comfort of your carpet.”
“Right after I work out a few of the bugs and avoid being melted into a doorstop by the judge.”