Pilgrims flocked to Spain this week to see a 2,000 year-old cup bedazzled by a medieval princess only to find it suddenly gone, fuelling both faith and cynicism that Princess Urraca’s bejewelled cup is the real Holy Grail.
“It always does that!” said one excited if somewhat disappointed believer outside the San Isidro Basilica. “The real Holy Grail always disappears, as soon as it knows that it has been discovered. Well that plus kill everyone who tries to control it.”
Critics meanwhile claim the cup’s disappearance has more to do with historians trying to sell their book, Kings of the Grail, hiding it away to evade scrutiny than with any holy magic.
“I want my entrance fee back,” said one such critic who had to be reminded it was just a suggested donation anyway. “Jesus would never drink out of a fancy cup like that. I only came here to complain about it in person.”
But Margarita Torres and Jose Manuel Ortega del Rio defend their supernatural claim. They say Princess Urraca of Zamora deliberately blinged-up the Holy Grail with jewels and precious stones to hide it in plain sight from her jealous siblings after inheriting it from her father, King Ferdinand.
“Plus, she probably wanted to make it prettier. The princess was known for that. She would have found the Holy Grail pretty plain,” said one historian, using another photo to illustrate his point (see below.)
Assuming for a moment the historians are correct, was the crafty princess trying to keep the cup safe with her jewels and stones? Or bedazzle it into her power?
The historians describe the blood wars waged by the princess against her five siblings, that only ended with all of their deaths.
“See? That’s what I’m talking about. It does that too. Everybody dies where the cup is concerned. Except of course the pure of heart.”
Followers of this theory contend that the cup has likely been stolen by a descendant of the princess of maybe even the princess herself, risen from her tomb inside the Basilica.
Critics of Dona Urraca’s cup insist however it could never be THE Holy Grail, wherever it is. Even if such a legendary cup still existed, it could never be blinged-up like this on, not even by a powerful princess.
Will the chalice’s re-disappearance usher in a new era of Holy Grail warfare? Or is it just a supernaturally good book publicity stunt? Or both?
“You can expect more death and destruction now. And insects. At least until somebody with pure intentions finally finds it again,” said one Holy Grail quester. “I hope for their sake these historians were not trying to use the power of the cup for commercial purposes. That would put them in great danger.”
Margarita Torres and Jose Manuel Ortega del Rio’s publicist states there’s nothing impure about selling books however, and that they will find Dona Urraca’s cup again and defend their holy claims until the end.