SOS RED ALERT: GARGOYLES AT LARGE, DEEMED DANGEROUS…
Eight giant gargoyles reportedly escaped from a basement prison in Worcester, Massachusetts in the dark of the Tetrad Moon.
Survivors should be on the lookout for these gargantuan gargoyles, which are over 100 years old, stand 6 feet tall and weigh over 3000 pounds each.
Church official Debra Packard says the gargoyles were securely locked in a nearby basement facility for the safety of the town and were reported missing on the full moon.
Heeding an urgent radio call in the middle of the night last night, SOS’s Seth Greening temporarily suspended the site’s full moon party to launch an immediate investigation.
“Given the fact these gargoyles escaped at the height of the blood moon and the disturbing reports here on SOS pointing to the possibility of a new demon portal open here on Earth, I knew that survivors would understand a delay in the Hall of Famer announcement and immediately went to investigate.”
After inspecting the gargoyles basement prison, Seth confirmed the gargoyles were properly locked away at the time of their disappearance.
“Their heads were properly dismounted and secured in separate boxes, locked in a basement facility with no windows on the top of a hill,” he says. “This indicates clearly the gargoyles had outside help.”
But what kind of outside help?
The town locals suspect a group of human bankers with a plan to control the gargoyles’ power for their own ends.
“Not a bad theory. With the exception of pop stars, bankers are among the most likely humans to seek shady deals with the underworlds,” said Seth, adding that he is personally suspicious of a group calling itself The Protectors who have recently identified themselves to the site.
Until the plot can be unravelled and the gargoyles recaptured Seth alerts survivors everywhere to be on the lookout for gargoyles behaving suspiciously.
“Which is to say, behaving, like any way other than like a statue,” he elaborated.
Seth warns this is not as easy as it sounds, as gargoyles regain human form almost immediately once liberated from their stony stupors, and a gargoyle in human form is not as easy to identify as one stuck on the outside of a church or government building.
“Some of them can shift in and out of statue form in an instant,” says Seth. “But look for the telltale rock-like cracks in their gray human skin, the stony look in their eyes and any humans who remain supernaturally heavy despite having an outwardly lean and hungry appearance.”
Seth says to immediately suspicious of stone gargoyles that are appear oddly placed. I’m talking about modern settings, like food courts or on public transit.
Survivors with any info that could lead to the re-capture of the gargoyles, or about their overall plan are urged to contact the site immediately.
And to keep on keeping on for the SOS Hall of Famer to be revealed without further ado, later today.