In supernatural news today, famed exorcist Father Gabriele Amoth thanked his devoted demon friend Bob on the celebration of his 160,000th exorcism.
Head of the International Association of Exorcists, Father Amorth announced today that he has officially performed the 160,000th exorcism of his illustrious career, largely thanks to his devoted demon friend, Bob.
Father Amorth, who has been an exorcist for roughly 10,000 days since he began in 1954, has therefore performed an average of 16 exorcisms per day. Assuming an 16 hour work day, every day, for 27 years without a break this amounts to one exorcism per hour. With travel time between exorcisms factored in, this exorcist is busier than Santa on Xmas day.
“Obviously I could not have achieved this ungodly number of exorcisms without some help,” stated the Father. “I owe it all to God, first and foremost, but also to my best go-to demon friend, Bob who is always there on schedule, right when I need him most.”
Notoriously bashful, the demon known only as Bob declined to be photographed on the occasion of his 160, 000th exorcism but the following statement was read to the supernatural press:
“Do I like flinging stuff around the room and making people vomit for like, 16 hours a day? Not exactly. Okay, maybe I did at first, just a little. But no, I do it for Father Gabriele. It means a lot to him, being the head of the International Association of Exorcists. If it makes him happy to yell at me in Latin and wave holic relics in my face all day, every day well then, I guess it makes me happy too. We demons are nothing if not devoted. And there are worse assignments here on earth, trust me.”
Bob did admit, however, that he might be looking forward to Father Gabriele Amorth’s retirement, noting that other, less exorcisey Fathers and even the Pope himself only perform three or four exorcisms over an entire career, a much more relaxed pace for demons.
“I’ve always wanted to take up yoga you know or read a little Harry Potter without setting off a supernatural crisis,” said Bob. “Maybe when we retire I can try again.”