“I am he, as you are he, as you are me and we are all together…”
(Lyrics to I Am The Walrus)
When a Canadian dentist announced his intention this week to clone dead singer John Lennon from one of his remaining teeth, Beatles fans worldwide began preparing to herald the era of the Eggmen prophesied in one of the fab five’s most famous songs, namely, I Am The Walrus.
In fact many Beatles super fans claim the old walrus himself was in fact already a clone or clones of an alien being when he wrote the song.
“Look at the lyrics. The Eggmen? Get it? He’s clearly writing about the experience of being some kind of clone, possibly an alien one,” explained Beatles fan Ben Dayle. “No doubt about it. The Eggmen are coming.”
While cloning might explain the Beatles prodigious catalogue of hits in a remarkably short period of time, is the world ready now for a new army of Eggmen bent on revolution? How will you face the coming John Lennon clones?
If you don’t want to be caught in the Eggman Evolution, better get cracking! Prepare to face any Eggman without fear and defeat him with the following tips:
1. Give him a guitar.
While genetic memory is a controversial area of research in humans, when it comes to alien Eggmen, it’s a proven fact that traits in one generation are passed down to the next. So the next time you face an angry John Lennon clone, try giving him a guitar, preferably a Rickenbacker 325 if you have one handy but any guitar will do in a pinch.
2. Or a Cornflake
That’s right a single cornflake. Why? Because an Eggman will sit on it, for hours. Or until a van comes. Whichever happens first. (This too is foretold in I Am The Walrus.) It’s unclear if a Frosted Flake will have the same effect so don’t take the chance, stick to the formula here and use a corn flake.
3. Make a Paul McCartney clone and pit him against the John Lennon clone.
John Lennon is angrier but Paul is crafty. Who would win? Who knows? Probably neither but one thing is sure, between fights, they might make some great music.
4. Remind him to give peace a chance.
Sing it if you can and make a peace sign. It’s their weakness. Try not to be wearing a suit.
5. Ask, who is the Walrus again?
Historically, John Lennons have been vexed by the question, giving contradictory answers over time in different songs. Is it Paul? Or the other John Lennon? The correct answer is beside the point here, the real point is just to vex the Eggmen mind long enough to distract them.
6. Join the opponents of Canadian dentist Michael Zuk who say to just, Let It Be!